I feel like utter s**t right now.... I have lost over 3000 pounds. I have probably lost over 100k in the span of 8 years. The slots ruined me. I went up and down from way up to way down in the period of 3 weeks. My mind is fried. I don’t have words of how big of a fool I was for going back again. Its always the same outcome. You put in x amount of money in a casino, and you either win or you lose. If you win, you feel so in control and cant help it but to continue playing. In my case this was the slots. If you lose, even a little amount of money, you cant help it but to chase this. Even if it is 10 pounds/euros whatever. You chase the tenner and end up God knows where. It may be that you end up with going back up, or it results in a major loss in the thousands. I have found out in all these years that you end up losing a lot, its just a matter of time. Once you start to play, nothing but your own rationality can stop you. And unfortunately this rationality only comes when you by yourself decides enough is enough. This is usually when you are reaching 0 in your bank account……. This addiction is so f****d up. I have quit several times. This time I have really done it. I am not going back ever again. Enough is enough! I mean its not about the money, its about the chases of bonuses on slots and the “good” feeling you get when you “win” more and more so you can continue gambling. That is what the wins are for… Every time I withdraw something its just an illusion. Because this money withdrawn makes me feel temporarily happy. That is because the money quickly goes back in. I gambled day in and out for 3 insane weeks… Can you imagine it? Playing the slots 3 weeks almost non-stop going up and down, up and down, up, the lost it all. I still live with my parents. Imagine the tough times I had to go with whilst gambling concealed. I had to pretend everything was ok, when it was not. The upswing and downswing in this period was tearing my insides out in regard to me controlling my mood around them. It is so hard to watch them and talk to them while in this state. I feel so depressed and alone its unbearable. Now comes the biggest and toughest part which made me tear up by thinking about it. Imagine the day I will have kids and be married… Imagine me continuing this progressive disease. If that would happen, how would I survive with my family? I would be isolated, my kids would not get anything, my temper would be unbearable around them, I will go into debt, my girl will either live through hell with me, or leave me. The list goes on. The point is that according to myself, I feel and picture that this life would lead to total ruination for me. I will stop now, and never look back I swear it. I just lose total control and I get really mad whilst gambling because I know this is a dead end. I still have money in my bank, but it is so little compared to what I had. Thanks for listening, and please, get back to me as I am feeling totally destroyed right now… And I apologize for eventual typos etc. as I was pouring out my soul right now.
I live with my parents and I've in the past been hiding the fact I'm gambling in my room, like when smoking in the past gambling is a dirty secret and thrives on secrecy. If like me u tell ur parents then it will be out in the open where gambling and the problems associated with it struggles
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Google gamstop and sign up for five years, that will be five years of no online slots under ur belt and go from there
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I dont live in the UK, so I cant use gamstop. Do you have any other suggestions? I went back a week ago, and lost 450 pounds in 2 weeks. Not a lot of money, but it is when you are just throwing it away!
I am going to check with my bank if it is possible to block internet purchases then I would not be tempted in the future.
If anyone has some suggestions, please write it here.
Hi Rootofallevil,
first, well done for coming on here, being honest and taking action. It sounds like this is the right time to do it.
Have a look at blocking software if you can't sign up to Gamstop, and see which one suits you best:
https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/blocking-software
Also have a look at out self-help resources, this will help you structure your recovery:
https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/self-help-resources
And if you are not a UK resident you can get further support here:
https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/en
Please keep posting and you can also join our communal Chatrooms at 1PM and 8PM every day.
All the very best,
Eva
Forum Admin
Hi Rootofallevil
Thanks for the advice, yes the Allen Carr book does make you look at gambling in another light for what it is, JUST AN ELABORATE CON. Yes you are correct again, don’t place that first bet, that is the key. Also, don’t ever question your decision to stop gambling. If you win or lose it doesn’t matter, end result will be that gambling will win. That little monster will always be lurking but know we know how to stop it, don’t we.
Keep going, you are making great in roads for a gamble free life, speak soon.
Shaun
Thank you, guys. I feel like the best option we generally have is for us to simply lose our desire to gamble, which Allen Carrs book does wonderfully. Why? Because if you dont have the will to gamble, you dont take any steps to finding ways around blocks etc. I could install blocking software, but then I can buy a new laptop. The only thing for me is that rare moment where my mind is not functioning properly. When you forget chunks of the past. Not anymore. Im going to read my posts as a reminder to how I felt. Despair, anxiety, self loathing... Im finally free! And so are you, my friends. You can all do it! Just walk out the door by opening it, and not try to open it by the hinges.
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