Hi sapphira gambling is providing you with an escape and as you have recognised at a cost to yourself. Some say the amount of money is irrelevant. You've lost time, confidence, self esteem and the ability to control your actions. You are very lonely and that is to be expected after the loss of a partner. The problem with gambling is it's very isolating and that is the opposite of what you need. Addiction will drag you in, convince you that is what you need. Can you find a meeting? Regardless of anything else it is a community of people who understand. It's contact with others who may also have lost someone and turned to gambling. It's probably the furthest thing from your mind right now but it might be the best thing you've done to stop your self destruction. Call gamcare and just talk, just offload. Sometimes online forums are great but like we all experienced a few weeks ago when the internet doesn't function we've lost our virtual support. Then what do we do? This virtual world stops our connection with reality. It stops us going out, interacting with others. I hope you have a better day.
Dear Sapphira,
really sorry to hear that you are struggling today. Please know you are doing the right thing, please know you are brave to be so honest on here and please know you are brave to keep reaching out.
Please call the Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or the Netline here.
Wishing you all the very best,
Eva
Forum Admin
Merry go round wrote:
Hi sapphira gambling is providing you with an escape and as you have recognised at a cost to yourself. Some say the amount of money is irrelevant. You've lost time, confidence, self esteem and the ability to control your actions. You are very lonely and that is to be expected after the loss of a partner. The problem with gambling is it's very isolating and that is the opposite of what you need. Addiction will drag you in, convince you that is what you need. Can you find a meeting? Regardless of anything else it is a community of people who understand. It's contact with others who may also have lost someone and turned to gambling. It's probably the furthest thing from your mind right now but it might be the best thing you've done to stop your self destruction. Call gamcare and just talk, just offload. Sometimes online forums are great but like we all experienced a few weeks ago when the internet doesn't function we've lost our virtual support. Then what do we do? This virtual world stops our connection with reality. It stops us going out, interacting with others. I hope you have a better day.
Thank you Merry Go Round, I hear what you are saying. I'm still counting the figures of what I have spent at the moment but it's like you mention I think the true cost is more to do with an emotional loss than anything else. I agree about the isolation as well. I wish you well and thanks again, it was kind of you to post a message.
Forum admin wrote:
Dear Sapphira,
really sorry to hear that you are struggling today. Please know you are doing the right thing, please know you are brave to be so honest on here and please know you are brave to keep reaching out.
Please call the Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or the Netline here.
Wishing you all the very best,
Eva
Forum Admin
Thank you Eva. I'm not really up to "real-time" conversations just yet, but I know I really ought to do so very soon.
Three days later ....
Hello Diary. I have spent several days counting the figures from my bank statements. In 16 months I have spent £10,000 which is incredibly disturbing. I then added up my credits and I haven't actually made any losses as most gambling was done via cashback sites. Does this make me any less disgusted, no not really.
Have I gambled since I started to do this diary? I have to confess that I have. Once.
Why don't I have it in me so stop? I have read Loxxie and Signalman's Diary to name a few and Im so inspired and impressed by their openness and tenacity. Why can't I manage more than 24 hours without gambling? One of the reasons I was drawn to gambling was the fact that if I couldn't control real events in my real life then I could could escape in my gambling where I would be the one doing the "controlling". Oh, the irony because its the gambling that controls me.
So still not very well emotionally.
Will check in later.
Still three days later ...
How can life be the same and yet totally different at the same time? No, not coping well as per usual. Maybe keeping a diary isn't a good idea, maybe it's not going to work. Gambling is my "medication" for my bereavement. If I'm not on my "medication" I can't deal with my bereavement. So, it's a case of which is the lesser pain? At the same time I don't want the "slots" to steal any more of my life. It's like living in limbo. Why didn't I become addicted to smoking/drinking etc. What aspect is it about the slots? Is it because it's a silent addiction? I can only count the time I haven't gambled in hours not days or weeks and then I do it again. This isnt how I thought things would be.
Hi Sapphira,
Have you thought about maybe going to the Drs for some support? The slots will never take the pain away forever. I too have become addicted to the slots due to emotional pain and finally decided enough is enough and have signed up to “GamStop” banning myself from online gambling for 5 years. Is this something you’ve considered?
Slick123_ wrote:
Hi Sapphira,
Have you thought about maybe going to the Drs for some support? The slots will never take the pain away forever. I too have become addicted to the slots due to emotional pain and finally decided enough is enough and have signed up to “GamStop” banning myself from online gambling for 5 years. Is this something you’ve considered?
Hello Slick123. Thanks for being kind enough to drop a reply to my post. I read from your profile that you haven't gambled for 15 days. Well done. I can't imagine achieving 15 days. The problem is I think is that if the "comfort blanket" is not available because I have self-excluded then I would panic. I know that's not the mindset of a person trying to give up but I'm going to have to think of a manageable strategy because "cold turkey" is too scary. I've been to the Drs several times but if you aren't willing to take medication they tend to tire of you easily. I agree with you about gambling to take away the pain and the relief not lasting forever, it's hard isn't it where emotional pain is involved and we are vulnerable. Take care, thanks again.
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