Hi. I'm Kelly and for about 2 years I've promised my husband, myself and my kids on occasion that this is it, no more. BUT I can't do it, its so hard. My poison is slots and you watch tv and everything reminds you of it - there is a slot for just about every game show, historical era, places of the world but when I get the urge I am rubbish at controlling it. I CAN go without, I do most Mon - Thurs when I have to leave the money in the bank as its all we have left. I can't stop once I start so limits don't work. I'm just about excluded from all the big players now so fresh on another Monday mission I'm starting this blog. I cannot hurt myself any more, I cant lie awake in bed dreading hubby seeing the bank, sick to my stomach that I'm lying and hurting him again. If I can't do it this time I know I'll lose him. Wish me luck​
Kelly
Welcome to the forum, a place full of like minded folk who share the same goal, to arrest that all important next punt, to put an end to the self created misery that is the compulsion to gamble.
You have taken the first step by admitting your shortfalls, now the hard work begins.
My advice is the same advice that was gifted to me on my first days recovery, it still works today over three years on.
There is a triangle
Time-money-location
Take one away and the punt becomes impossible Gifting the rational side of the brain time to think, time to re wire itself.
Control is not a word we can use when talking about our relationship with gambling.
By and large we all live by the same mantra
I cannot win because I cannot stop.
No win great enough, losses relentlessly chased, our self esteem lost in the process.
Tell your husband the whole truth, he deserves to recover from the side effects of addiction, share your recovery
Embrace it, it costs nothing except the will to live a better life.
One in which you can turn that mantra upside down.
Lastly you don't need luck, like me I would guess yours ran out long ago.
Give recovery the same effort you have given to your gambling, the result will astound you.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.
Hi Kelly, just felt I should comment on your diary as your story is similar to mine. I can totally get how everything reminds you of those demon slots. I have tried many times to quit and am always too weak and get drawn back in, check out my diaries. I am fed up of feeling so low and down and this time am determined to be a winner and quit. Remember we can never win on slots as we cannot stop and would lose everything!!! You CAN beat this, stay close to this site and read others stories it should give you strength. Keep strong and remember you are not alone in this battle, regards Jaz
I know the feeling with slots - heard a tune on a kids show that made me think of the music of one of them! Honestly the best thing is to self exclude from everywhere. Make a clean break and remember you will never win because you can't stop depositing! That was certainly true for me.
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