I need to change!

Hello Shannonmf

Welcome to the Forum where you will find others sharing their experience, strength and hope in Recovery from Problem Gambling.  

Along with this we have Advisers available 24/7 to help you through this.  You can contact an Adviser by calling our HelpLine on 0808 8020 133 or by using our LiveChat, WhatsApp or Facebook options.  I encourage you to contact us so we can discuss the best way forward for you.

In the meantime, please know that you are not alone.

Best

Amanda

Forum Admin

@forum-admin 

Thank you.

Day 2. 
Father in Law had a stroke - not so good start to the year.

I haven’t really thought about gambling in all honesty, I managed to get my cleaning done, a Sunday dinner made which for the first time in a while I really enjoyed and even prepped tea for tonight. 

Spent some valuable time with my son before I came back to work this morning. 

Hi 

Your relationship with gambling sounds just like my own . We really don’t need slots in our life and don’t know why we do it 

I have come to realise recently that it’s not really a bad habit but a illness it’s the only explanation as l like you I’m happy in life apart from gambling 

Keep going you are not alone 

@jamie27 Hi Jamie,

It is indeed an illness, it manipulates our minds into believing it can stop us from dealing with problems that in reality are small.

I have a different feeling of determination there is only going to be one winner and that will be me winning at life. 

Money comes and goes but time does not. Our children grow rapidly before our eyes and I intend with every fibre of my body to ensure I watch every possible minute of my son growing up and cherish the memories.

Today is another day gambling has been barely a thought, I’ve registered for one to one with GameChange had my first telephone call last night currently doing module one. I’m interested as to how and if it can help me but it’s worth a try and the guidance and support is much appreciated.

Let’s do this!! 

Day 5.

Possibly my longest streak. Boy has today been a tough one! Found out yesterday my well paid job is at risk!! All the emotions I would rather not have whilst trying so hard to overcome this gambling addiction.

Im still determined.

Managed my first payday without gambling!

Massive achievement.

Had my nephew for his first ever overnight away from mum and dad - still not ready for it with my 2 year old. All was good he had a minor meltdown but let them washable paint my floor ?

Happy sleeping, 3 hours later a phone call off my mum, my brother (nephews dad) is at hospital. He’s been working 5 nights a week and during the day his partner works he watching his son so he is very sleep deprived - he’s drank a little more than he can handle. Had some run in with the police obviously nothing serious he hasn’t been arrested. I get my mum to the hospital leaving the little ones asleep with my partner. Meanwhile the sister in law is awol ? thank god for ring doorbells I get to the hospital brothers ok got some nice bumps and cuts - joys of not fully doing as your told and being a big lad! His girlfriend his at home locked out on the ring door bell - dash from the hospital leaving mum with brother to pick her up this all being 2 am in the morning.

Ive come back to brother as he has the keys he’s asked to see the mental health team. Amazing how we can keep things locked up. Surprisingly he is aware I’m going through my own mental downfalls currently maybe he didnt feel like he could add to my problem which would not be the case.

Now 5am brother & mum still at hospital, babies still asleep, I’m sat here waiting for call to pick them up but man I’m so tired! His partner is at home in bed told her to get a good sleep so she is able to look after my nephew tomorrow. Usually in this situation I’d gamble and it has come to my mind so that’s why I’m here doing my little essay to help me and realise one off my triggers.

Hope your all sleeping well X

Hi  Shannonmf

Congratulations on managing your first payday without gambling.  You're right that is a massive achievement and hopefully the first of many.  You're are also doing great when so many unsettling things are happening in your life right now. Keep it up and remember if you need any support there is always someone at the end of the phone here at the National Gambling Helpline 24/7. Take care

Kevin

Forum Admin

Gamcare

@forum-admin Hi Kevin,

Thanks for the encouraging reply.

Having support is a massive help through this journey.

Between work, family and everyday life I’ve not quite managed to make any comments in my diary. It’s like this year has brought chaos in the first month. Strangely it’s a good thing, I’m now on day 18 I’ve not had a minute to even look at gambling site let alone think about one. I’ve now gone two paydays high five myself I can honestly that’s never happened - I have a new approach on payday.

Wake up - pay any bills due that day, pay my mum for my car, go to work, come home pick my mum up to take her home from looking after my little boy. Head straight to Asda - my cupboards, fridge and freezer all of January have been full. It’s hard when I’ve not got any more left once the shopping is done only enough for petrol but I sit down and remind myself I am doing things the adult was. This way is the only path where life gets easier. 
My biggest debt being old council tax in the last 5 weeks has reduced from £4000 to £3500 which is nice to see. 
It is early but honestly I feel like I am getting somewhere. A nice somewhere. 

Have a lovely evening people.

Keep strong and fight those urges. 

This year has been nothing but endless stress and it is early February.

I am somehow going strong not gambling - honestly not got a clue how at this time right now I want to drown my misery online.

Last Thursday and this Thursday two sisters in hospital - both days I have booked off for respite for myself I am honestly feeling non human. I’ve drove straight to both had my sisters twins last night - well behaved. 
There has been some drama surrounding my parents house way to much of a long story for this post. The drama however led me to sit for 6 hours straight watching my parents house on the ring door bell to make sure they were safe.

Fast foward today, sister comes to pick twins up, I’ve made a massive mistake at work due to how exhausted I am. Then it all exploded - the end result my mum making it clear for the second time in 6 months of what she sees in me as a daughter and person. Now me personally I am the first person there for anybody - even when they have wronged me. I put everybody before myself - including gambling in the past. My food consumption yesterday was a banana and packet of crisps. 
So my mum - apparently she is going to cancel her holiday go home and take a lot of cocodomal painkillers (she wouldn’t) but kindly let me know that it is thanks to me - this being because I was looking after my parents best interests. Apparently I am hot and cold, she was just horrible and left me feeling like she despises me. 
I’ve just cried and cried and cried. 
I’m just sat replay childhood and how she failed us as children. 
If I wasn’t so determined I would be spending every penny to block out these feelings. 
So this weekend has started on the lowest blow possible. 

Take care everyone keep going x