I relapsed...hard

Well done Xenedra, it's hard to miss out on things you can easily afford (if you weren't gambling) but sitting out this hen party will no doubt be a great dose of reality you're close to stumbling again..

I like you have normally done anything in the past to get by (new loans or begging friends and family) and ultimately not miss out on something but this time around it's not happening. But one day I'll get to treat myself and like you, I'll deserve it! 🙂

exactl!! I have come to realise that part of my recovery is a better relationship with money!

So I a stuffed this month...really counting the pennies (when really i have a comfortable disposable income even after large DMP payment) so I am making myself suffer if you will so I understand the extent of my gambling on my finances at least!

In other terms, I get waves of withdrawal where I even turn the laptop on, grab the vape and make a coffee (all ritual associated with my gambling time)....the come on here....20 long days till pay day...AND COUNTING!

Hi Xenedra did you relapse again as your counter says 1 day :-<

Hi Smashed,

Well yes technically, but again I am being harsh on myself (i suppose, I dont know).

I bought £30 worth of scratch cards...god only know why? I rarely buy them, never been my thing. It was a spur of the moment thing! but it was gambling! i feel ridiulous and just dont really know what else to say about it?!

At the same time, I got some of my mone back on them...still dont know why i did it though?

Anyone else have a similar experience to this?

Xendra I think your honesty is amazing and to be respected as I'm sure other forum users would agree but do you have any idea why you did what you did? Buzz?

Money? Distraction from other issues? I'm not prying into your life but I think you might need to think why you have those "urges" like buying the scratch cards?

Best wishes, Phil.

Thank you for replying.

I totally agree. I think tbh the gambling gremlin was clutching at straws and I was in tesco (again not usual as I am usually a sainsburys person) but anyway and i just started choosing them, again, in my head as i was choosing i was limiting myself to £10 (as if that would be somehow better) but as I get when gambling is involved...I the chose some of the £5 ones and next thing i knew id spent £30?

I kind of walked away with them and literally had no idea what to do...spent some time figuring them out tbh?!

On reflection, it was really impulsive and i think my gambling bit of brain was trying to get its fix anyway.

No desire to buy any more at all!! And i did toy all evening with whether to 'count it as a relapse' but you know what??? its gambling...and i cant be gamble free with a couple of screwed up winning scratch cards in my bag...

Anyone else relapsed but with something completely different?

No desire to go to the slots...although id need MI 5 to be able to break the blocks on my laptop and phone (and find the cash to spend on it 🙁 )

Watch out, watch out Xenedra ... the gambling gremlin is a very cunning devil indeed...!

Try to look at things this way. Let's say someone gave you £30 but you had to spend it on the High Street in half and hour. What would you buy, what would you do? It could be quite exciting, and you've got to spend every penny!

Quite a nice feeling right?

Or - you could waste it on nothing with nothing to show for it; ok, you won a couple of scratchcards but you're more than likely to buy some more with the winnings 🙁

Or not. Let's say you've 'won' £10. You could by a nice bottle of wine, and maybe a few sweet treats to go with it. Then dive into some telly or box sets - there's more on telly these days than you think 🙂

I know it's tough, this, Xenedra. I really, really do. You can do this, day by day and when you get the urge, dive on here. When you get the itch, physically picture an itch and scratch it. Feels good, right? Better that than scatching it with a rough Gambling 'scourer' and end up with a bloody, sore scar - the inevitable 'skint' miserable skint period that yawns into the days and weeks ahead ..... grim.

We're with you Xenedra !!!!

I have not gambled since I stopped but I totally understand the urges and impulses....I sometimes have them now. I have to think about my motivation - in my case I rarely won money but in a sense I was "addicted" to distraction from my issues.

Do you have a diary? It can be helpful in terms of self-reflection and feedback from other forum users who know where you are coming from.

Again your honesty is great and I hope you can choose a path that suits you.

All the best, Phil.

Thanks guys.

I feel really silly, but not the horrible desperate feeling i get after a turn on the online slots...!

I do see it as a blip more than a relapse but its all a slope I am trying to run up!!

Won £8 : / will buy starbucks with it tomorrow to make my morning at work more bearable!!!

Just going to make a new post with a subject dear to my heart...payday loans and gambling!!! Im attaching an excellent article.. please check it out if it relvant to you.

Hi guys,

I'm still gf and have had a good weekend so far, talked more to my daughters father about my problems and he has agreed to try and help me in anyway he can.

This is some battle I tell you!

Xenedra wrote: This is some battle I tell you!

It is definately a daily battle, the Gambling Parasite just waiting for you to slip up any excuse, so he can have you back.

xenedra - I know you've added to some of my references about debt camel elsewhere on here and I'm assuing its you I see posting on there under the same user name - I'm doing to the same - from what I have read you have some strong cases - does your daughters father now you are doing this - how would you protect any refund you might get? it's still early stages for us both but I am fortunate enough to have someone looking at my accounts so I would not, even if I wanted to, be able to gamble any funds - without being found out - so I'm confident I can proceed without suddenly be tempted to gamble again - are you in the same boat, you could get some decent money back but it will be a total waste if it gets passed to a bookmaker?

Hi CG,

Nice to hear from you again.

Yes, I did add a debt camel link.

Been finding them really helpful.

As I am very new here (since 16th August) a lot of my pay day loans are in a DMP so even if they agree to write off the outstanding balences (one company already has!) I would be over the moon with it so no money would cross my hands at all.

If there is any refund to be had, I have made my daughters father aware of what I am doing, so I have showed him my StepChange DMP page so he knows all the debts and Iv said that I will tell him the progress I'm making with the refunds and he said he will put the cash in his savings account (if there is any) so we can use it in the future (I'm still really hoping there is a future and maybe another house for us in the future)

So that will be something!

I was probably equally addicted to payday loans as I was gambling at one stage. Looking back ok bank statements, I borrowed £1300 in one day over 3 payday loans in June this year!!

Have you had any success with your complaints?

no nothing for me yet and I'm not overly hopeful. my biggest was with the same company who offered me a rebate two years ago, i accepted but now turns out i accepted about 10% of what i might of had but cant do anything about it now, im trying now because i have a default which would be literally life changing if it was removed! - otherwise i have five more years of it it showing

Hi Xenedra just come on here to say I hope you are doing well and staying strong. You are on the same day as me so I'm cheering you on for a week..we are nearly there 🙂