I'm starting today. ....I AM starting today

This morning ive logged onto the site i gamble on and have asked for self exclusion 🙂 I have done it and feeling proud of myself.

No one but me can make this addiction go away I dont want to gamble anymore I want to sleep at night I want to look at my bank account and think wow I can pay one of my gambling debts off and not add to it. I dont want to feel anxious all the time I want to be "Happy"

I know this is day one for me and I know ive got a long journey in front of me. I can see this by reading your diaries. But today is my first steps and if I tread them carefully I do believe I could make it through.

Ive just called helpline for some support the lady there was lovely.

Today day one: I have to put a plan together how I am going to manage my night tonight (Im a night time gambler) I do not want to gamble tonight. Strategy plan tbc

Hi Half

Thank you I have tried to download it but it keeps casuing my phone to crash eek.

Well today i feel ive done really well.

I have thought about gambling but not in the wanting to do it vane. Just in general. I have been blocked from the website I use at my own request and feel good so far about this.

I made myself go out today and buy some christmas lights sort of like a treat

Usually at this time im on the website spending money i know I dont have but im on here instead writing on my daily diary

I am tired and feel a sense of satisfaction I am going to bed to sleep and not gamble. I hope this feeling lasts as I like it !

I am gong to leave my phone downstairs as that was a part of my habit I took it up to bed with me to gamble. NOT tonight 🙂

Day 2

Feeling really stupid today I have NOT gambled buy have looked at my finances and feel like ive been punched in the stomach.

My head hurts ... Ive been so really really stupid Ive emassed a large number of debts and now have to work on paying it all back.

I suppose on a plus side for every 25 50 or 100 pounds or more I gambled per night... I can now pay that off my debts.

I did something really brave as well today and told my daughter what I had been doing, she was very upset but has vowed to help me on my journey. She has sorted the blocking program for me.

Its strange as I feel like im coming off the drink or stopping smoking as im sure this is how you would feel. If someone would of told me that addiction to gambling is the same as the above I probably would never of started it.

Im feeling really sorry for myself today 🙁

Im back to work tomorrow.

[quote=dottyboutu]

Day 2

I HAVE NOT GAMBLED FOR 2 DAYS 🙂

Dotty

Well done keep it up. you know its not going to be easy but stick at it

Glad to see that you told you daughter as you said you would. It's the things that you do that makes the difference, each barrier, each step towards honesty is vital. But for what it's worth, I don't think that it's your daughter's job to tell your OH...it's a huge burden for her to carry when he doesn't know.

BW,

CW

Husband has been told ................ He now knows everything and how bad things have been for me.

That I am depressed not that alone is an excuse as even I dont know why I gambled away our hard earned cash.

He wants to help but said he needs some time to think about how and what he should do. I have asked him to call the helpline for advise and gave him the number.

He is very cross with me and he has every right to be, We both work very hard and long hours just for me to burn our wages. Im mortified

I have shown him how I am self helping and that I am going to go to a GA meeting and would like him to come with me.

I have not gambled for 4 days now which I feel is really good for me as I did it every night.

I handed over my cards to him and have explained how much debt I am in I know he is devastated, I hope I dont lose him 🙁

I do not feel like gambling and have no need to I have got to work on putting things right from here on in.

Great job 🙂 Awesome work getting it out in the open, addiction will hate that & I'm glad you were able to tell hubby that there is support for him too if he wants it 🙂 I really really hope he finds the strength to stick by you! Good skills handing over your card to get your gambling triangle broken!

Way to go on 4 days, that is fantastic 🙂 Stay on your guard & keep logging on here to your safe place - ODAAT

Well done Dotty your doing all the right steps. I personally have found GA a great help try and get there you husband can go with you but won't be allowed into the room but they are groups he can attend called GamAnon your GA meeting will give you info.

Keep going i know this is the tricky time of day for you

Well done dotty for getting it out in the open with your husband,its not easy to confess.to them what we have done,

5 days today of winning,

Keep strong.

Suzanne xx

Thank you ALL so much for the feedback. It means a lot to me.
I have not seen OH today he has been out all day. I've come to bed. I still don't feel the need to gamble which has made me happy. I can't get complacent as it's early days and I am not sure what OH is going to do. I'm at work Sunday but will have to sit down and try and make some sense of our life. I put us here poor him was plodding along with what he thought was a trustworthy relationship but all the time I feel I've been cheating on him..not with another man but gambling. That part of my life could potentially be our ruin.
I feel I'm on the roller coaster of emotions right now.

Not Gambled nor do I feel like doing so. Payday is Tuesday so big expectations of not gambling just paying off some of the debt.
OH is quiet. I'm not going to push him ...he did make us both tea tonight so he must still like me even a little bit x