In a bet there is a fool and a thief

Day 3, agenda for today, pay a bill, enjoy the day and no gambling.

Temptation should start to wane and the fact my old debit card has expired should help .

Just for today I shall not gamble.

Day 4, no gambling.

Day 10, been fighting those urges, and gradually getting stronger.

It's been tough.

Blocks now in place to avoid payday loans or opening new betting accounts,bill money from my wages automatically taken from my account when I get paid every Friday.

Back on the right road, it really is a question of working through the urges.

A morale victory today, been going through the motions, thinking through the urges, picked out a fantasy bet which would of won, but what would that of lead too? Back to the same old merry go round, win, lose, win then lose more than I couldn't afford.

I've climbed from the bottom of the pit, I'm on a ledge and just reached up to another level, I'm moving on up and ccan see daylight.

Back again! continuous gambling, back In more financial strife just in time for Xmas, well done me.

I really don't know what to do,thought my luck would change, well it has I've hit a new low, made me realise I have got to keep trying to stop.

A life time battle, I'm clinging on at the moment, I'm starting to realise I could lose everything if I carry on.
No point being miserable, we only have now, each day at a time, I've got a appreciate everyday I don't gamble is a massive victory.
The lost money will hurt when I awake tomorrow, but I've still got my family, house, health and job for now.
come on trigger, you can never win cos you can't stop.

Day 1, Im going down a rocky road, just can't seem to get anywhere, I got a keep trying to stop.
yesterday another 200 lost, I'm never going to win, I know what I'm doing is wrong, I'm getting deeper and deeper into debt.

Day 1 again today, just hope I can keep a run going now, I desperately need to give myself some breathing space before things turn nasty.

Woke up full of determination, I can do this, day 1 nearly half way through,cm on.
Had thoughts of a bet on Saturday football,a nice fourfold would get me out of trouble was my thinking,- I couldn't pick 1, let alone 4! no chance, I've got a have a clean break.

I have barriers put up, but if I really want to get around them I could.
I'm gonna keep writing down my thoughts, see if if helps.Not keen on this new site.

Hi Trigger,

You can do this, you can put gambling behind you, well done on never giving up giving up, take one day at a time and keep posting your thoughts.

Suzanne xx

ducked up yet again,I'm in dire straits, that miracle win didn't occur, I'm in way above my head now, don't think I'm gonna get out if this one, probably a good thing, I need to come clean, start afresh.
I just can't stop,it's such a selective illness I've had all my life, I want to be helped but I think I'm gonna to have to try something stupid before I get help,I'm a rock bottom about to lose everything and all I want to do is gamble

Hi Trigger,

You want to really give up so that is a big positive, that big win will never happen, you know that, Your diary title says it all, but you are not a fool, but don't be conned anymore by the addiction, let the losses go, hard I know, but that is the only way you will start to win.

Take care and stay strong Suzanne xx

Thanks Suzanne that means a lot, I have to forget my gambling past, not just the money but the time and effort I've wasted.

I got a start afresh 2 moro, I know after a week gamble free my mindset will change.
I'm in trouble, but gambling ain't the answer

18 hours since my last bet, I'm angry, stressed, but back full of determination.
I know if I can get through these next couple of weeks things get easier.
Gotta keep posting, got a think of the consequences if I gamble

Thanks Emily, it may seem crazy to most people that we are unable to quit.
I've learnt from past experience it's all about controlling those urges,each urge conquered is another step up the ladder.

Your right the debts to pull us back into gambling, I'm gonna get my head down and get on with life.
Had a great day yesterday, a family day, no thoughts or urges, I just wish my moods and outlook would never change, but I'm sure the urges thoughts of trying to get out the hole I'm in by gambling will be back,36 hours gamble free, no chance or opportunity to be able to gamble for the next 2 days thank god.

I've been on a downward slide for a long time.
At times I've chucked money away in a quest to hit rock bottom because I cannot take any more pain and misery.
I've contemplated suicide, I've self harmed, I've had enough, I'm sick to my stomach with gambling.

It's not all about the money, it's about the lack of self control I have, I will go days, a few weeks and I will genuinely feel I will never gamble again, but a strong urge, and I'm back to square 1.

I've lived with this problem all my adult life, I'm tired of trying to give up, I must try at least 20 time a year, I'm used to failure, it's what gambling has done to me.

This is my rock bottom, I must have over 100 accounts all excluded which is ridiculous, how hard can it be to gave a general exclusion.
They help, but I've always found ways if I really wanted to.
I don't ever want to gamble again, these are the first words I'm gonna say to myself every day, I've gone a year before without any exclusions etc, I can do it again, it's time to move on.

I'm gonna try and blank out any thoughts of debts and gambling, re train my brain.
I'm gonna seek help where I can, I know it's a clichГ© but this is the first day of the rest of my life

I'm a winner today! No gambling, no thoughts of debts, trying not to worry, financial worries will subside in time as long as I don't gamble.
A nice family day, happy day, f**k you bookies you've lost your best customer!