In a bet there is a fool and a thief

Another new day, gotta keep my P****r up, things aren't as bad as yesterday, and tomorrow will be better than today, I've got a keep moving forward gamble free.
Aims this week, re confirm my exclusion at a local bookies from whom I excluded but am still getting served, travel out of town to the closet bookies to exclude, seek help.
Just for today I'm gonna be happy, as Abraham Lincoln said 'folk are as happy as they as want to be'
just for today I shall not gamble

Hi Trigger,

Well done on your positivity and gamble free days.

Suzanne xx

Day 2 complete, I've been here a hundred times before but I've got a keep trying learn something everytime I lapse.
I reconfirmed my self exclusion at a local shop, strike while the irons hot otherwise when those urges come it would be much easier to lapse.
Chatted to a chap online gambling therapy today, there's not much advice he could give me, I know it all, been trying to quit for years, just c**P at going through with my actions.

I'm taking out the online gambling option, excluding from shops, I trying to make it impossible to gamble.

I've been happy today, long may it continue,even thinking of this time next year I vow to treat my partner to celebrate a rosey future, determined.

Thanks Suzanne, your support is priceless, well done for all you do on this site

Hi Trigger,

You can do this your post is even stronger and more positive today,

Suzanne xx

Day 3, went to w h after work yesterday, filled out another exclusion form for a year, another barrier set up.
I'm determined to beat this addiction, or live with it knowing it's poison to me.

After all these years of fighting this addiction I'm beginning to realise it really is a mental illness.
I'm not weak willed, many times I've gone months through will power.
Strange thing last nite after watching corrie,a chap on there's got depression, I can really relate to his symptoms, I have feeling I have some form of depression.

It makes sense, I'm always tired, have dark thoughts etc- the only thing I don't understand is I've gotta a loving partner, 2 adorable girls a nice house, how did I end up depressed? That's for me to figure out.

As for gambling, those tiny euphoric winning moments are what I've been chasing to combat the depression,which only make things ten times worse and the merry go round starts.

I'm feeling a bit relieved that this could be part of my problem.
For me it's not been about the money lost, it's the fact I have no control of gambling, I cannot stop.
A visit to the docs coming up, tho I'd prefer natural solutions.

Just for today I shall be happy and will not gamble

Day 4, no thoughts of gambling so far, been licking my wounds too much.
Gona work on natural remedies for stress, if I keep abstaining keep fit and healthy everything will fall into place, still Gona see the quack tho.
One thing I have been able to do for some reason is the past 4 years or so is give up gambling throughout December, lack of avaliable funds most years.
I'm gonna maintain that record this year.

Keep remembering you can't gamble; you're c rap at it, you cannot win cos you can't stop.You lose all you have worked for, it makes me feel sad; mad and bad.
Just for today those evil bookies aren't taking my hard earned.

Hi Trigger,

4 days well done, keep going forwArds and stay strong, we can't gamble because we won't stop.

Suzanne xx

Day 5, a day off, no gambling, no thoughts of gambling, no thoughts of debts, just gonna be happy.
Just for today my money(what I have) is Gona be spent on my partner, we're Gona have a fun day out, not a penny wasted on the addiction of the past.
I'm happy with what I've got to spend it's enough, the devil bookies will not tempt me.

Trigger 5 bookies 0

Day 6, a little bit worse for wear today, on me guard,past experience has taught me to be wary whilst being hungover.
Went out with friends last nite, his 40th next year is going to be a trip to casino, I said I wasn't sure about going, I think I would be ok, casinos ain't my thing, it's a long way off, the present is what I'm concerned about.
No thoughts of gambling, but debts have played on my mind today, I've just got a keep focusing, I realise they are not Gona be reduced this side of xmas, patience and take things s day at a time.

Just for today I shall not gamble.

Day 7, a week since I last f****d up.Flicked over the TV last nite, heard a chap talking about a horse running today, it's the first time I've had an urge this morning, I'm working through it, if i backed it win or loss I would of gone back to square 1; I've got a keep fighting.
Going for a run, just for today I shall not gamble.

Another attempt to lure me back to gambling, the horse i would of done won at a big priceI'm not falling for it,i shouldn't have watched,but couldn't resist;it's the gambling demons way of tempting me back.
The money won would of put me back on the merry go round, I'm not P****d off,pleased to have completed a week.

Things will get easier,Gona stick to my plan,exclude and change debit card, barriers can only help.

Day 8,family day today,no thoughts of debts or gambling;the 2 go hand in hand.
Tho a new credit card arrived yesterday I'm Gona use it 2 pay off 2 payday loans,that will allow me to change my debit card,scratch the cv2 off the new card to eradicate further temptation of payday loans! complicated but needed.
I've worked out a plan to pay off 3 cards hopefully before a holiday in august next year,that's the long term plan.
1 day at a time,just for today I shall not gamble.

Hi trigger,

Keep up the good work.
I feel your pain with the horse. I still follow football because I love the sport and the winners do come in. You just have to accept that no matter how many winners come in you'll always lose it all.
Its so hard to accept but its fact.

Enjoy your Sunday mate.

Mba

Day 10,start of a new month,at least the bills will be coming out of the bank today.
It's gone be a step back to go forward today,have to pay of these ridiculous payday loans but use a credit card to do so,lesson has to be learnt this time.

Thanks mba for your post;you're doing well,the days are gradually totting up for me,I'm determined to keep moving on,next mini aim is the end of year 40 days will give me a great start to 2015

Day 10 complete;it didn't come without temptation.Activated the new credit card,withdrew what I could to repay the payday loans;which wasn't quite enough,thoughts of trying to win 200 come into my head,but I thought through the urges.

One thing today has taught me is I need to go through with changing my debit card,travel out of town to self exclude,so when faced with these temptations it's impossible to act upon the urges.

Read my old diaries earlier,both were successful one for 6 months the other for 100 days,both followed the same pattern once I had fallen off the wagon.
They are there to remind me of past mistakes.

Ive made notes of the days when I went into melt down,strangely I've given up through the last 4 December's.
I can do this;this is for life.
Day 11 2 mo, come on trigger