I came back to this site this Monday after mental rock bottom and decided it's over now. No more, nada, zip. I made long post on the overcoming problem gambling section before this week so if you want to know more about my situation you may read it. But anyways, as you can see from the diary's name its my second time around. This time I'm back with more experience, more knowledge, much more determination and hopefully more strength to stick with it.
Last time here I actually managed to stay clean for 2-3 months but now when I look back I see it was mainly because I simply had no money. First instant I got nice sum of it (that was last December) I was back to the gambling world. Sometimes took 2-3 week breaks but more or less gambled until week ago (after 1 week of totally out of control gambling and losing) I told myself that's it. I was so fed up and tired and I knew I couldn't live like that anymore so I came back here and decided now it's really over.
Main difference this time is the fact I still have money left but I'm not going to gamble it all before quitting. I rather do it right now. At first I thought I give myself permission to make one small bet every week but after hours of reading this forum and other sites I decided that would be fatal mistake. Thinking back of my own experiences and reading about other people who has done it, I know it would 100% sure lead me back to the old cycle again. Maybe not this week, this month or even this year but eventually it would be inevitable. So it's simple and clear now, no bets whether it's football, lottery, poker or whatever and it has to be that way if I want to succeed. I mean maybe there are some people here who can do the "responsible gambling" during recovery but I doubt it will never work in the long run and certainly not for me.
Sorry if I repeated myself bit there but I'm having pretty bad hangover lol. Anyways in the end of this post I want to say I haven't made single bet since Monday, closed my betting accounts, removed poker softwares and I have visited this forum every day since. Oh and I ordered Philip Mawer's book about overcoming problem gambling which unfortunately haven't arrived yet, but gonna post my thoughts on that when I get to read it. So overall I'm feeling very positive and I feel that I have solid pack of tools to really make this a success.
Finally thanks to all the good people here who have helped me a lot during this first week! Have a nice gamble free-weekend!
I'll be around
- Jer
Just read your post there jer! U have done it before so use this to your advantage and a slip can be turned around and used in a positive way.
Take it one day at a time and stay strong! I agree I dont see how a compulsive gambler can ever gamble responsibly it will always end up spiraling out of control again!!
You can do it - keep posting your progress mate!
Hi Jer
Try turning your attempts into positives. Think of it as part of your journey and what has to be wil be. Sounds like you are clued up on this recovery so keep at it and stick around. Good to have you on my side.Take care
Thanks for support! Good points in both of yours posts. I have to take positive things from my first attempt and the most important ones are 1) To remember the fact that the bad urges may come even after long time. I mean these first 5 days haven't been so bad and it's good start but it's nothing more than good start. And 2) To stick around exactly because of part 1 (Last time I thought I can do it without this site after 1-2 months and certainly didn't work out)
So 2 days until first whole week and no intention to blow that! I'll definitely stick around
Thought I would make my next update tomorrow but have to do it now since this has been hardest day so far. Made my last bet about exactly week ago so I don't know if it's that or simply because it's the d**n Monday and it was pain to wake up at 7 am lol. Anyway it's this weird feeling, something I can't really pinpoint. Not urge really because I have not the slightest intention to bet today. It's more like something in the back of my mind is telling me you will fail eventually like you always do... And that feeling makes me feel really uneasy, but trying to stay positive the best I can. Having some stress about my studies too at the moment and some health problems so those may be partial causes too.
One day at time and gotta stay strong...knew this wouldn't be easy. Hopefully tomorrow is better again.
Got trough yesterday and feeling much more positive today. First gamble-free week is done and day 8 now!
Something great just happened. Earlier today I was looking what football matches were on, not for betting purposes, football has been my greatest passion long time before gambling. But even though I didn't think about betting the thought came to my mind when I saw Finland - Netherlands match is on. I thought I would bet Netherlands to win by 2 or more goals if I would bet. But I didn't bet, didn't even consider it, that was just irrational thought that came to my mind from old bad habits. And now I checked how the match ended and Netherlands won 0-2. I would have won. But guess what? I still feel happy I didn't bet!!! I know the "win" would have been only temporary and it would have only got me back to the doom road.
Still only beginning of my journey but what happened today must mean I'm in the right track if nothing else. Day 9 here I come!
Nothing special to update.. day 10 gamble-free and doing good, had lot of work with my studies this week but now it's mostly done and long weekend ahead! I know there will be some temptations during that but not the slightest intention to fall for those.
Finally got my copy of Philip Mawer book too so gonna start reading that.
Over and out
First big football weekend since I quit (last weekend wasn't bad because only international games were on) and the urges are lurking in the corners but have to and I will stay strong. Almost 2 weeks gamble-free so not gonna ruin it.
Got trough the weekend and tomorrow will be 2 weeks since I quit!! Had some urges on Saturday but not too bad ones. And got rid of them easily by going to pub lol. Had some non-gambling related bad stuff yesterday but got trough those too and feeling very positive and strong now
Another gamble-free week here I come
Nothing special, lot of work with studies etc but 2 and half weeks gamble free! (and counting)
And there goes the 3 weeks mark!! I can't put it to words how good I feel about this now.. First 1-2 weeks were sometimes pretty tough but this last week the things have really "clicked" to place. No more those irrational fears of relapse because after 3 weeks I can say it's up to me now. It's my choice to continue this way and nothing will make me gamble if I don't choose to. And I have no plans to choose that. Even had little test another day when my dad asked me if I want to join his lottery coupon. He does that maybe 2-3 times a year and those have been only times I ever played lottery. I could have told myself that's okay, it's not gambling, it's just small lottery coupon. But instead I simply said no thanks. I don't want to risk this anything at this point.
One thing that really gives me even more strength is noticing how much gambling amplified other crappy things in the past. Been having some difficulties (health, relationships etc) during this 3 weeks but guess what? Without gambling I have got trough that stuff so much better. During the gambling periods after a bad day I could have drowned it all to some online poker session or sports bets and then felt even worse after losses and blamed everything to the world because I was so "unlucky". But now even the hard things seem and are manageable when during gambling periods they seemed impossible to deal with.
And mentally no more those (false) senses of euphoria after (rare) big win or total disasters after (not so rare) big losses. Just the nice calm middle road without gambling like someone here said. And I have to say I love that middle road!
Over and out but will stick around and keep posting.
Nice post - full of positivity!
I'm only on day two at the moment (second time around - went 18months+ clean previously) but your post was a reminder to me that things do get better when we're not gambling.
Keep it going.
Bored as hell so could as well write something... these kind of moments were the ones I would most likely go to gambling before but now I don't even have any urges. Had minor ones yesterday though (first time this week) but just threw them out of my mind easily. Not being afraid of relapse or the urges anymore they are getting much weaker and easier to ignore. Of course I know I have to keep my guards up and I know I will still get the urges every now and then.. but I really think not being afraid is very strong form of guard in itself. I mean what's the point of being afraid when no urge will do any harm if you don't act on it? And I have no intention to give the gambling industry that pleasure anymore.
That's all for now, have a nice gamble-free weekend everyone!
And you have a lovely gamble-free weekend yourself!
Great to hear that you have reached the 3 week mark without going back to the evil, dark side.
Have you anything that you can do to combat this boredom that you sometimes have? There are plenty of things that you can do for free.
All the best,
GT
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