Killing the Zombie

Congratulations what a great achievement!!! Take a well deserved bow

3 Yeats ago and never looked back well I'm sure you have looked back what I should say is never a slip.

Another diary to add to my ever growing list of must reads.

3 years Louis and what an inspiring post of how your journey is at this time..

Amazing and very very positive achievement for you and for us all to read..

Suzanne xxx

Good on you Louis,

You've killed the zombie and i'm not only talking about your continued abstinence.

Getting a handle on self awareness and finding a understanding must be truely rewarding/empowering hai. I've enjoyed the way you've used this diary in the last 8 months. A working diary rather than charting thoughts/ insecurities / victories.

Going back to your previous post, i think we can learn a lot from eastern cultures, especially when we try to regain values. I guess we easily get caught/ mixed up with society and then inadvertently get caught up in the addictive fog. Same, Same but different as they would say on the circuit. So good on you for breaking through.

Something, i am muddling also trying to say is thanks in identifying a label i've struggled with the majority of my life, a parilysis going by the name of social anxiety. Something ive devoured in the past few months, with your diary being the catilist (sp)..

You've done good Louis and fantastic to hear your 5 year professional training is coming to an end. It sure reinforces ' you only get out of life what you put in '. And lastly, probably the most important but superb news in the coming Louis/ e.

Bopenyan

Hi Louis

Lovely to catch up with you on your anniversary. As you know, 18th January is very memorable for me too. I am back feeling my usual strong, sensible self once more, after my last few gambling episodes.

Take care and congratulations on your wonderful news

Feb.x

Louis, well done my friend. Your posts have kept my interest from day 1 on here. An awesome achievement. Self awareness is possibly the greatest tool in an addicts armoury & you my friend have fearlessly sought it out. 3 years, high five bud x

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Hi Louis and well done my friend on 3 years of hard work and determination, big congratulations also on the completion of your training and last but not least , the forthcoming arrival,. Big respect my friend !

Thanks all who posted. Lovely to wake up and read messages of support from other posters, all of whom are posters I have a lot of respect for. Gives me a nice warm start to an otherwise baltic day. xx

Louis

"a brilliant journey into my soul" "I can move forward without the confusion of who I am and whether I am doing right"

Absolutely priceless:)

I can remember last summer, whilst I was on holiday, I read through your entire diary. It started, like most of ours do, with a sole focus on the gambling and counting the days/weeks. Yet it slowed changed as you looked deeper into yourself and made the connection with social anxiety. And then you went on to share the knowledge and insights that you now have about that and to further explore your life values. It was great to read how you developed a better understanding of yourself, and your effort has certainly paid off. 3 years is gamble free is a remarkable achievement.

And now a baby!! Not only are you and your partner reaping the rewards of the changes that you've made, but so too will your little one. Congratulations!!

LifeBegins x

Thanks Louis, for your message,

OAUs my friend.

Suzanne xxx

Well done Lous - keep on winning and congratulations on the lil miracle ☺

Sandra

Wanted to get down contemporary addictive thought processes whilst ocurring!

Not gambling related, but alcohol. On Sunday I told myself I wouldn't drink for 2 weeks. Not a massive deal but an unusual step for me. I'd not been drinking hard but getting into habit of having a beer every night on my own for previous 2 weeks (the extras for the weekend)

5.30 approaches at work and I start thinking that I should have a pint. The 'rationalisation' comes in - unlike past years and unlike everyone else I know, I barely had a drink on New Years Eve, I 'deserve' a drink now. Then came the 'romance of the drink' thought - I could have a glass of wine whilst cooking, that's sort of OK - maybe a bit continental even.

At least I could catch myself having these thought processes and step back. I know in a sense it's not a big deal if I broke and had a drink. But it's the lack of commitment issue which would be a concern - seeing as I'd told myself I would do something. What actually stopped the thoughts was when I started thinking about how I could simply cook some nice food and watch a TV doc - the idea of that gave me sufficient pleasure to stop the thoughts.

Alcohol is the last physical vice for me to address, following gambling and weed. I'm not an acoholic, I can go weeks without (although given that I seldom do, can I really make such a statement?). But I don't like how alcohol is quite embedded in my social life. Historically it's often been how I 'let my true self out', ie, how I lose my inhibitions. I'm already working on this but have some way to go. It's an element of one of my key values - connecting with others, something which I keep working on by setting goals. Today I asked various people from work to go for lunch - I'd never been to lunch with these people before. I had my usual fears of rejection - but turns out everyone very keen. Need to keep 'doing stuff'.

Louis

This is a truly superb post Louis. I absolutely loved the ending.

Louis,

Not much to say before i head out to doing stuff.

It can be quite fun in evolving the not fully evolved brain.

Keep on doing stuff and recognising the paper tigers...

Paul

Since around last summer I've been trying to apply principles of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to my life.

It's quite different from CBT - rather than stop having difficult emotions, you give up the struggle and accept them. It's the struggle which is the cause of suffering. This is one of 5 key aspects of ACT - its referred to as 'willingness'. I just found this TedX Talk on it - it's worth checking out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTb3d5cjSFI

Louis

Yep good talk Louis. Kind of why I'm not a fan of CBT. People can't just turn off thoughts & feelings long-term. We have to be willing to sit with our emotions, acknowledge them to move past them. Shoving them in a closet and pretending they never existed only allows them time to grow stronger

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