Killing the Zombie

FFS.

Comments like them two above wouldn't surprise me, if you was the next one to leave this forum.

I hope you dont.

Ping pong thanks for the post

Rise above, Louis, rise above. The majority reading your post will have understood it's tongue in cheek nature and wouldn't need it explained to them. As I've said before, you can't argue with stupid.

Anyhoo, I haven't forgotten that I need to get back to you with some questions and some thoughts. I've managed to smash my phone...I can only type this because I've wrapped it in cling film to stop the glass splinters getting in my finger ( no thumbs for me...I'm a one index finger only tyoer). I can't use the pc as my daughters doing her homework on it, so longer posts will have to wait.

Hasta la vista

LB x

cardhue wrote:

Was originally gona post on another thread but got a bit 'ranty'.

I'm not sure whether addiction is an illness. If there's an illness analogy to be had - then addiction is a symptom. In the same way that a sore throat might be a symptom of having the flu.

I'm pretty sure that gambling is not in and of itself 'the issue'. If you manage to not gamble and change nothing else, then you're unlikely to have gotten to the root of things and are probably still struggling with yourself, albeit not gambling.

In my own experience, and from what I can see of others on here, gambling is a failure to deal with difficult thoughts and emotions. This leads to disconnection from life and a life ruled by fear - a fear of not being able to look at yourself in the mirror. A refusal to accept our vulnerabilities.

Gambling is one part of fear based behaviour. Avoid painful feelings (sometimes good as well as bad)=repression=disconnected from life and values=real life is more scary than ever=ouch don't like that need to escape more than ever....

All these behaviours are ultimately based around fear.

(help me I'm scared. I don't know what's happened to me. I never thought life would be this hard. But I can't say anything people will finally realise that I'm a failure. I would rather die. Shut up. I'm strong, I'm different, there's nothing wrong with me anyway, just gona have a quick spin).

----------------------------------

Had a big heart 2 heart with partner today. Realised, largely through her telling me ; ), that I was in quite an anxious state about impending arrival of baby. This was manifesting itself in seeing things as a series of hurdles - our flat's too small, how am I gona work without sleep, how do I get the pram up the stairs,as well as more general denial.

My partner was unhappy as she's been getting much more excited than me. I think my anxiety stems from a failure to engage with my emotions. I'm happy about the birth and think it will ultimately be totally amazing. But my failure to properly engage is leading to this kind of low level anxiousness and worrying behaviour. Glad I've had this realisation - which I only had after I stopped arguing the toss and accepted how I was feeling and behaving (phew what a relief). Yes it's f*****g scary. Engage with that fear fully and make as much room for it as necessary - don't repress it and stew in it.

I personally get a lot out of your emails Louis. Keep them up. thanks tri x

Hope you're ok, Louis. The worse excesses have been moderated out of the earlier post, if that helps.

Take care,

CW

Thanks peeps. All good in't hood

Went to my first maternity class yesterday at the hospital. Learnt so much - all very interesting and amazing and quite scary. Tick tock

Tick tick indeed soon Louis,:))) you have far more important stuff to deal with now, Mr G can fly to the moon,

Keep strong and keep that one little step ahead.

Suzanne xxx

Hi Louis...exciting times with the baby due soon. It's perfectly natural to feel a level of anxiety about it and it's great that you realise it and have voiced your concerns. The reality of a new life can be daunting...it's amazing and exciting and life affirming and all of those wonderful things too...but it's also a big resposibility. That realisation that life will never be the same again can come as quite a shock! It's not all the fairytale that Mother and Baby magazine makes it out to be 🙂

I have no idea why they starred out so many words in my last post to you. I really wasn't swearing! I was just talking about the digits on my hand. Anyway, never mind...my question to you about the Demons on the Boat. I understand the concept of recognising our emotions, not trying to push them down and sitting with them. Accepting them and not being afraid of them, and not letting our feelings/emotions dictate to us. I guess I'm wondering where change and growth fits into it? For me, changing some of my beliefs/thinking patterns has been a big part of this ongoing process (in relation to life in general, not just gambling). As an example, I used to have an internal dialogue that told me I was rubbish, a bad person, useless. For a very long time, I didn't even realise that there was anything wrong with that. I thought everyone felt that way about themselves and it was quite a shock to realise that I was beating myself up continuously and that I could learn to do things differently. So, I'd identify that thought process as one of my demons. But if I just accepted it and didn't try to change it, I'd still be telling myself that I'm a useless cow and I'd still be very unhappy. Does that make sense? Does ACT allow for changing of those demons? I'm guessing it must do, and that maybe that's addressed in the part to do with determining life goals?

I don't expect you to be able to give me a full detailed guide to ACT...I should probably stop being such a cheapskate and just buy the book!!

LB x

Thank you so much for taking the time to explain ACT in more depth for me. I was initially interested in it for me (still am), but y as I've read more about it I'm thinking it might actually be quite useful for my daughter. For quite a while she's had a phobia about people being sick. Sometimes it's better than others, but there's always an underlying worry for her that someone nearby is going to puke! So, bus and train journeys, cinema trips, school...lots of things...make her feel a bit anxious and she then wants to avoid putting herself in those situations.We've tried various things to help which have worked to an extent but most have been based around changing either how she views vomitting or how she reacts to it. And her response has nearly always been "I can't just stop feeling like this. I can't change the way I think"...so, I'm thinking this might help. I think I'll order the illustrated version as the cartoons might lighten the book for her. She's not a great fan of self help and the word mindfulness on the cover will undoubtedly bring about groans, but nothing ventured eh?

Again, I really appreciate your input on this one. Thanks.

LB x

cardhue wrote: Thanks peeps. All good in't hood Went to my first maternity class yesterday at the hospital. Learnt so much - all very interesting and amazing and quite scary. Tick tock

You'll never view the human body the same. Lessons learnt through experience. Enjoy 🙂

Just bought The Happiness Trap and also Get Out of Your MInd and Into your Life for Teens...I'll let you know how we get on.LBx

Hi Louis

Thanks for the post, I always think of the homer simpsons quote when I think of booze, "Here's to alcohol, the cause of and solution to all life's problems". Would be better if we didnt create the problem in the first place.

Thanks once again for sending that book, its slowly starting to seep into my life and I can start to feel some of the benefits.

Morning Louis , I've just popped by to offer an apology for the comments I left on your diary page a couple of weeks ago , I was a pretty angry person back then but after a bit of time away and a chance to reflect I realise that I had no right to make those remarks and deeply regret doing so .

So sorry if I offended you .

Best wishes for your continued recovery .

Alan

Hi Alan, if you read this as I can't find your diary..

Thanks for taking the time to apologise - fully accepted. We all have our moments. Glad to read that things are going well for you away from the forum - I've had many a time when I've got too caught up on the bubble of the forum and needed a time out.

Best wishes

Louis

Three weeks to go..been quite stressed at work in my new role. Have really felt the coritsol pumping round my body. Yuck - count those hours getting knocked off my life.

Combination of actual hard work, reality, and fear of future, perception. Everything just seems like a headlong rush as I'm basically working right up until it's time.

I had a moment of clarity a few weeks ago - I was wilfully escaping from my future fatherhood. I've stopped doing that and am engaged with what's going on. But there's still anxiety in me - I'd like to think I'm this easy-come easy-go, highly adaptable person. But change fundamentally scares the she'ite out of me even when the change brings the promise of untold rewards. The anxiety can be sneaky - I can't tell it creeping on me. For all the mindfulness, sometimes there's not distinct thought or feeling to notice - I need to take a step back and be logical when I know 'something's not right', but I can't put my finger on it. If I can acknowledge something then I can accept it.

Taken a break from this place as my involvement in this forum had itself become compulsive. I was reading the forum whenever I had a spare minute - not really getting any satisfaction, just a compulsion. A relatively harmless form of escapism. First few days it actually took a bit of restraint not to go onto auto-pilate and log on. Logging on today there's some pretty wild-west posting going on so haven't felt like I've missed much.

Louis

Cheers Louis

Good luck with the impending new addition & enjoy the ride