I have been a compulsive gambler for over 10 years.Everytime I’ve been in a bad place I’ve found the forum helpful reading peoples stories and seeing that I’m not alone. Around two years ago my situation got so bad that I needed to explain to my partner about my addiction (This was one of the worse conversations I’ve ever had to have the feeling of shame and regret was unbearable) When saying it out loud it really hit home that I had a problem.My partner could not understand how you could loose so much money gambling and put yourself into so much debt.However it was the best thing that I could of done together we worked out a plan.Putting blocks in place joining Gamstop and managed to pay of my debts over the next 18 months with no gambling at all I was convinced that I was cured and would never gamble again.Over the last 6 months I have relapsed visiting bookmakers and even using none gamstop registered casinos constantly chasing losses that I just can’t seem to forget about. I cannot face having to explain to my partner I have been so stupid again after coming so far so I’m hoping support from the forum can give me the help I need to get back on track and finally deal with this illness that is ruining my life.
From past experiences the feeling of regret only lasts until your money situation changes then when you pay of your debts and make progress you feel you are in control of the situation and forget how bad it made you feel.Joining the forum I can always reflect on the messages of how it makes you feel and the importance to keep on top of my addiction.
I feel your pain. But if you don’t change you will lose more than money. Money can be earned back in time, love ones are not as easily earned back. Been there lost a lot more than money and I still do it
Hi
I used to think that gambling was something I loved doing, that it was more exciting than anything else in my life.
Now I understand that my addictions and obsessions only indicated how emotionally vulnerable I was.
In time for me my emotional triggers were pains I could not heal, fear I could not face, and my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.
In time I would find that my recovery was about healing my pains.
Being an addict, I was causing myself self-abuse, I was lying I was hiding from the truth about myself.
I am today a compulsive gambler, and just for today I will not gamble.
When I did gamble, I just made things much worse for myself and people around me.
Not only could I not heal the hurt inner child in me before I gambled but I could not heal the pains I caused myself when I did gamble.
For me my addictions and obsessions were just the symptoms.
Before my recovery I did not value myself or value money.
Once I was on the emotional roller coaster of fear and adrenaline and chasing my a*s, I could not see how I was so unhealthy and thinking that money would resolve all of my emotional issues.
I am a non-religious person yet being healthy I am able to embrace my conscience which is spiritually based values.
Today I do not want or need to gamble.
Today I do not want or need to lie.
Today I do not want or need to justify being unhealthy.
Today I do not want or need to hide in any fears.
Today I want and need to love myself.
Today I want and need to respect myself.
Today I want and need to love myself.
Today I want and need to be the healthiest person I can be.
Today I want and need to be more tolerant and patient with myself.
Love and peace to everyone
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham UK
Thanks for the support guys it’s nice to hear peoples perspectives who are in the same situation I look around and I don’t seem to see anyone close to me have the same issue with gambling and I wonder what is wrong with me.
Really got to start focusing on the important things in my life but as a compulsive gambler it’s so hard to put money problems to one side, constantly thinking just one more win and it will be easier to stop.
I have been a compulsive gambler for over 10 years.Everytime I’ve been in a bad place I’ve found the forum helpful reading peoples stories and seeing that I’m not alone. Around two years ago my situation got so bad that I needed to explain to my partner about my addiction (This was one of the worse conversations I’ve ever had to have the feeling of shame and regret was unbearable) When saying it out loud it really hit home that I had a problem.My partner could not understand how you could loose so much money gambling and put yourself into so much debt.However it was the best thing that I could of done together we worked out a plan.Putting blocks in place joining Gamstop and managed to pay of my debts over the next 18 months with no gambling at all I was convinced that I was cured and would never gamble again.Over the last 6 months I have relapsed visiting bookmakers and even using none gamstop registered casinos constantly chasing losses that I just can’t seem to forget about. I cannot face having to explain to my partner I have been so stupid again after coming so far so I’m hoping support from the forum can give me the help I need to get back on track and finally deal with this illness that is ruining my life.
From past experiences the feeling of regret only lasts until your money situation changes then when you pay of your debts and make progress you feel you are in control of the situation and forget how bad it made you feel.Joining the forum I can always reflect on the messages of how it makes you feel and the importance to keep on top of my addiction.
Hi Dom. Hope you are okay. It’s a tough situation which I urge you not to beat yourself up over asking ‘what is wrong with me’… I was in a similar situation with a partner who I had the hardest conversations with. I cannot explain the regret, pain and utter embarrassment I had when time n time again telling her I won’t do it again and I lose thousands (up to 10) in a weekend. Imagine the conversations.
Truth is we are addicted. It’s a no-brainer to sit down with her again n explain, come clean and tell her everything. You will get all the answers you need and if her choice is to leave you then sorry to say that is the harsh lasting impact of gambling. Explain to her your new action plan to never gamble again (and mean it) and how it will be maintained this time. Be absolutely sure, take up counselling through GamCare (great program) and tell her it’s going to be different this time.
I’ve been there and it’s 100% my last chance with my wife. Anymore and I have to walk. It’s only been Sept 2021 my last bet but life is so different now, the trust isn’t all there yet due to previous damage n relapses, but i’m confident it will be. 20k of debt still left from 35k, i’m not out of the woods by any means. I will be and so can you by being honest with her…
All the best man
Hi
I took very simple baby steps which is just for today I will not gamble.
For me recovery was not a fight but a complete surrender.
I can do any thing today other than gamble.
Love and peace to everyone
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham UK
Thanks mate sounds like a similar situation to my own with the GAMCare programme is it online based ?
With me doing 18 months gamble free I really thought that a small bet wouldn’t hurt as I had learned my lesson the hard way but it soon just took over my life again and all the lessons I had learnt I soon forgot about it’s a strange feeling that really is hard to explain to somebody who doesn’t gamble.
With the GamCare you give them a call re: counselling and they’ll do some pre-screening to ensure it’s the best thing for you and you get booked in. Very simple and CBT like counselling is what I received. It helped me a lot.
Yes similar situation and even though I’m around 9 months GF (longest time without a bet since I started 14 years ago) I can absolutely see how relapses still happen. The gambling disease makes you think you are missing out on something (when you’re not) and tries pulling you in every day. Your story is a clear example that this battle is something you can’t let your guard down in.
I reflect on bad moments of when I was at my gambling peak every morning and tell myself I won’t gamble and it’s crazy I think I’ll be old with grandkids and probably still be doing this! But… whatever it takes, I have no shame. I’m building a better life.
You got an update on what you are to do? How are you feeling mate? Remember we are in this together and any one of us can relapse at any given stage. Stay strong all.
My plan is to do as before come clean to my partner set up a plan to pay of my gambling debts this time also try the GAMCare programme. Will power alone is not enough.I think that to reflect on the bad times frequently is a good tool to keep you on the right track I blanked it before and just pretended it had never happened and I hadn’t had a problem which led to me in the exact same situation again.
At the moment I’m still fighting of the urges like you said our brains trick us into thinking we are missing out or missing an opportunity to get extra money when in reality it’s the opposite.
Good plan, I like it. As I say I could not afford (mentally and financially) and my wife cannot afford another conversation like this. It almost destroyed everything in our future path and the things we are able to do depends on me and if I stay clean. No pressure! Reflection is important and i’m not sure if it’s a good thing or not, my wife often states how I’ve delayed her life a little in giving her less freedom however without her help financially I’d be bankrupt so she is very entitled to say this.
Anyway; don’t mean to hijack your post, sounds like you have a plan, keep us updated, because I care and because I can so relate! All the best.
Beat
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