Hi mari
Been meaning to say hi for a while. I really admire your approach to tackling this c r appy addiction.
The comfort blanket metaphor applied to me too. Seems to mr you have a good balance between peeling away the layers and acceptance?
All the best
Louis
Hi Mari, thanks for your support. Yes, did think about just not signing back in, but being on here, talking to people in chat, well it is improving my life. I know I have issues to sort, and I will. How do you feel about being a text buddy? X
Hi Mari, thanks for your support. Yes, did think about just not signing back in, but being on here, talking to people in chat, well it is improving my life. I know I have issues to sort, and I will. How do you feel about being a text buddy? X
Day 62 dear diary.... I'm not ashamed to admit I still 'want' the slots...I still crave that buzz when the bonus drops in, those few seconds of anticipation that this will be the 'big win' ..... the answer to all my problems. It won't....
I feel like there's two of me.... One half craving the numbness that Gambling brings, the other desperate to face my addiction, deal with my demons and become a better person. It's an ongoing fight between the two every single day.
Complaceny is my fear....Life is slowly getting better, my finances are better...My mood while still dips in and out of misery is starting to improve as the days increase.
I've been invited to a Reunion of ex colleagues at end of this month....I've said I'll go....I (think) I want to go...Will I? Put on my happy face....Pull down my mask and just for one evening be someone else? I don't know if I can...... the addict in me is screaming No....Stay alone....Stay miserable...Stay isolated....You have me, Addiction....I'll take care of you & make you forget everything....
I need to work on this.
But just for today my dear diary....I'm safe from addiction. I'm calm & reasonably content. I'm coping.
I'm grateful for my friends & family. I'm grateful for my home & the comforts it provides. I'm grateful for the wonderful support from strangers. I'm grateful for Life!
Onwards & forwards I go....
Mari x
Keep going Mari,
go on your night out and be yourself people can either take you as you are or not up to them.
Keep strong only way to win is by not to gamble.
Malc
Just seen you finally got to enjoy your wine...I'm intrigued...what sort of top was it?
Lovely day today, went for a Carvery lunch with my Son & his Girlfriend... I insisted on paying and it felt good, great company, lots of laughs, full bellies and couple of wee drinkies, the amount it cost would have lasted minutes on slots.....
New flooring being delivered for my kitchen tomorrow, it was a bargain end of line and massively discounted....It's beautiful, the amount it cost would have lasted maybe half an hour on slots.....
I got more pleasure out of the above than I ever did sitting in zombie mode wasting my money, my time, my life.
Simple pleasures....Massive rewards.
Gambling will never give me that.
Onwards & forwards I go.....
Mari x
Can you believe how far you have come since your first posts Mari? Keep choosing life x
Sillycow wrote:
Lovely day today, went for a Carvery lunch with my Son & his Girlfriend... I insisted on paying and it felt good, great company, lots of laughs, full bellies and couple of wee drinkies, the amount it cost would have lasted minutes on slots.....
New flooring being delivered for my kitchen tomorrow, it was a bargain end of line and massively discounted....It's beautiful, the amount it cost would have lasted maybe half an hour on slots.....
I got more pleasure out of the above than I ever did sitting in zombie mode wasting my money, my time, my life.
Simple pleasures....Massive rewards.
Gambling will never give me that.
Onwards & forwards I go.....
Mari x
Yes !!! You are finding it 🙂
These are the joys that gambling stole.
Enjoy these moments, you deserve them.
Sbb
May I echo Sbb's sentiments, Mari - reading your diary is an absolute joy.
Sillycow wrote:
Lovely day today, went for a Carvery lunch with my Son & his Girlfriend... I insisted on paying and it felt good, great company, lots of laughs, full bellies and couple of wee drinkies, the amount it cost would have lasted minutes on slots.....
New flooring being delivered for my kitchen tomorrow, it was a bargain end of line and massively discounted....It's beautiful, the amount it cost would have lasted maybe half an hour on slots.....
I got more pleasure out of the above than I ever did sitting in zombie mode wasting my money, my time, my life.
Simple pleasures....Massive rewards.
Gambling will never give me that.
Onwards & forwards I go.....
Mari x
From your first post to now what a difference 2 month's can make.
Great to read
Deano x
So can't wait to get to that point...buying things and then realise how quick I would have given that to Mr G!! Keep pushing..don't stop x
Great post silly...
It's wonderfull to see you reaping the rewards of not slotting ...
Strange isn't it....how we thought those onine slots would give us what they actually stole from us...
Family..friends..self respect..treats....to name but a few !
Keep doing what your doing...x
Thanks Mari, I sat in the car park trying to force myself to go in. Got out the car once and then got back in. Fortunately a chap kept coming and standing outside the door and I presume looking for people like me....somehow it helped. I got quite emotional talking to him on a one to one which surprised me, walking into the room was daunting, but felt a bit like chat...safe, understood, non judgemental...it feels like a step in the right direction x
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