Hi all
I’m starting a new thread as tomorrow I’ll be 1 week GF and heading towards double figures again. I’m determined to make it past 70 days and way into triple figures this time but will remain patient and vigilant. I’m so sick and tired of making progress only to squander it all by gambling, usually after receiving some bad news.
To cut a long story short I lost my job the week before last and subsequently lost every penny to my name in the mist of a big relapse. This isn’t the first time that this has happened, I also lost a job summertime last year and splurged all of my last pay check. I could be sat here with a healthy bank balance but instead I’ve handed all my money over to the bookies just to escape my problems for a while and experience some cheap thrills.
Some of you may ask what I’m doing differently this time. Well I’ve secured a new job which will be starting sometime next week. I’ll have to work a week in hand before I see any sort of pay check but I’ve already handed my debit card over to my mother. It’s impossible for me to sign up to a new obscure bookie (I’m self excluded from all the major ones). I’m going to handle everything I earn in cash and live very quietly for 2-3 weeks to get back ontop of everything. I have thoughts that I’m really behind where I should be at. The only reason I’m currently broke and unhappy is because of this affliction. Gambling has and never will provide LASTING happiness. Even if you win you’ll be back in no time to throw it all back and more to prolong/revisit that toxic “high”. I long for stability and a sense of security, I’ll never have this level of comfort if I continue to think it’s acceptable behaviour to spend entire days transfixed to my iPhone risking it all.
I’ve realised I’m extremely competitive and a very sore loser. My ego is unwilling to accept the dent of being defeated. But I’ve been defeated and I’m ‘retiring’ for good for the sake of my future. I’m opening up and letting go of the anger, this cannot control me emotionally anymore.
“He who angers you, controls you.”
“Play for long enough, the house takes you” - Apt quote from Ocean’s Eleven.
Strange how we ignore glaringly obvious facts when we are gambling. We are set up to lose so lose we will.
1 week GF, I’ve taken out a £500 pound payday loan and I’m not going to gamble a single penny of it. This is the first reasonable sum of money I’ve ever had to borrow in my life. It’s opened my eyes up to how much worse this will get if I allow it to, I won’t allow it any space to operate or ruin my life again this time.
This is also a great article on pathological gambling from someone who is very articulate, it was never slots for me but staring at my phone betting on sports, often ones I couldn’t even find a stream for isn’t different at-all.
http://addiction-dirkh.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/how-i-quit-gambling.html?m=1
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