Liams Journey

Today is the beginning of my gamble free life. to keep it short and sweet I am currently £13k in debt (on top of student loans) as a 21-year student with low income.

It started with bingo, followed by online slots which led to blackjack. The moment I managed to turn by playing 

online blackjack is what has ruined my life. What gets me the most is that I had an opportunity to withdraw pay off all debts and have money to spare but it wasn't enough

and it wasn't satisfying enough to win so much money and then just stop there I had to keep going it was too fun and the best feeling I've ever felt. Why would I give up this 

good feeling. I told myself I'm not addicted because I'm only losing money that I won which wasn't real I never had it in the first place so how can it be a loss. That mad rush 

feeling when u win in blackjack thinking your beating the casino. Next thing you know your balance has gone to 0 within 30 minutes.

Why didn't I withdraw? Why was that not enough? Thinking of all the things I could have done, that's 1365 hours (341) shifts at my part time job. 

I could have not had to work while I study. I could have treated my girlfriend, friends and family. So, what do I do now? There's only one thing I could do, if I manged to turn

 before I can do that again right?  I redeposit again and again and again every bit of money I could loss after loss after loss. Until it happened, I managed to turn my last bit of money.

But I got to ** before, and I had to spend more money to get here so it's not enough. If I made it this far what if I put and make it and then I'm out no matter what 

win or lose and I'm out. My heart Rasing as I put onto blackjack. First card, first thoughts of panic what a bad card to get, Dealer gets, second card comes. 

I have 10 seconds to make my decision.

I clicked, and I couldn't look my heart dropped as I seen the balance go to 0, my eyes are closed, and I hear through my laptop the dealer says "******" I open my eyes to see.

I can't believe it punching the air trying my hardest not to scream baby! full of this unreal amount of high I've ever felt in my life if felt like this insane drug of invincibility. 

I'm dancing on my chair repeating I'm out I'm out that's me I'm out no more I'm taking this and running. Just as I'm thinking of all the things this money is going to do for me the dealer flips over.

"oh sorry players" laptop chimes "balance low click to deposit"........ No words. 

This exact moment I felt like I had just died inside, and this was all a dream it had to be able to be redone right? I can go back and just take it back, right? That didn't just happen. 

There must be a mistake there has to be. I can email and say that I never clicked double down? I never clicked double down? why would I do that? the casino has just made me double down? 

I definitely clicked 'hit'. That night I had no money left and by that, I mean -£8000 in debt with no available funds. I tried to convince myself that I will never gamble again. Of course, that didn't happen

whenever I got any money, it went right back into the sites and lost it all. All my wages money from my student loan payments, borrowing money from friends and family chasing and chasing my losses. 

It got worst and worst I did eventually win again and this time I did withdraw it successfully made it into my bank, but the celebrations didn't last long as it soon went all back into the casinos and 

all gone! every last bit and more. After time I confessed my debts to my girlfriend but not all my debts only some. She spoke with her family, and they decided to help me out and wanted to lend me money

to pay off my debts and set me up a payment plan to get my money on track. They knew about my gambling, but I told them I had stopped, and I had convicted myself that I was never going to 

gamble again. How could I gamble again after getting money from my girlfriend's parents? I would never disrespect them like that? there giving my so much money I will not gamble again and 

this is enough embarrassment to sort my s*it out. This is my turning point. But what if I just play one more time with a really small amount? what if I can just play for fun and make a little money 

here and there no big bets just small. I turned on my first deposit. But of course, you can guess what happened I lost it all. So, I deposit again and again and again telling myself 

that as soon as I get a decently high amount of money I will withdraw and never play again. Deposit after deposit loss after loss, I am now in £8k debt as owe my girlfriends parents 5k. (13k) 

I got to the point where I couldn't take this anymore and I decided I don't want to be here. I was home alone at this point, and I just wanted it all to go away. I messaged a suicide help line 

I couldn't even type I had to give one-word answers as i was crying my eyes out not wanting to live. I told them my debt situation and they advised me who to call. I spoke to the right people and 

I am getting myself into a debt plan to pay off my debts in an affordable payment. I have confessed everything to my girlfriend fer family and my own. It was the hardest thing I have ever done

breakdown to the point I could barely breath. The support has been amazing, but this is only the beginning I have used all the possible blocks on my accounts and devices and to ensure there's no 

temptations I am also getting restricted to my money usage. My family have given me no judgement and so much support helping and caring so much. I know this doesn't mean they aren't broken by 

what i have done especially my girlfriend's parents that lent me so much money for me to do this to them has really broken me the most after everything they have done for me I really haven't 

come to terms with it. I want to prove to everyone that I am going to make the change and stop gambling. I am going to improve all aspects in my life, and this is the beginning of my story.

I am an addict and I'm going to change! 

Liam welldone for taking the right steps,you will do it and you know what your still young and will payback to loans before you know it 

Dude i wish you nothing but good luck.. Trust me i know what it is to hit the rock bottom and i am done with this .. There is no freaking way that you can catch these looses i am in 15K debt like .. I don't even want to think about ... You can read my story if you want .. I just want to talk with someone that understands.. This went too far .. Good luck !