Day 158
I realise that I like myself a lot better when I'm not gambling. Today I considered having a bet. Poker - no one would know. I could just have a couple of hours gambling. I have the money.
Then I realised that I have a big day at work on Wednesday and I would be a different person. Gambling makes me worse. When I am on the right path - I have a lot more inner peace, I'm happier, I'm more loving, I have better self esteem, I'm more caring, I'm healtheir, more grounded.
When I'm on the wrong path - gambling - I'm angry, rude, couldn't care less about people, anti social, selfish, bitter, twisted, broken, and a lot more stuff that is censored on here! ha.
I have had many recoveries in my life and this one feels like hard work. It's a great effort to go 158 days with no bet. It makes me feel great when I say , I don't gamble. It makes me feel powerful!
Life is tough but it's a lot tougher when I'm on the wrong path.
Now, my aim is to make my life a lot better. Regenerate my life and put my recovery first.
Congratulation's on a 158 day's of making the right choice Tulsit and an even bigger well done on beating the urge today :))
I think were like chalk and cheese when we gamble and when we don't and I identify well with all those feeling's
Keep on making those " Right Choices " and all the best :))
Congratulations on 158 days! keep going and continue to make good choices! I imagine your life is so much better having become gf.
Athena
Day 159
Went to bed last night thinking of gambling. Woke up this morning thinking of gambling.
I used to bet on the football among other stuff and I've been looking into certain matches. Evaluating games.
That's disease to my recovery. Baby steps. I'm going to try not to do that today. No evaluation of football matches.
I'm busy at work so It should be ok.
I'm feeling down on myself at the minute. Maybe this is part of the problem.
I do not gamble! It feels great but I'm like a trapped bird who has had the gage taken away. I'm still in the same position. Time to be free of the gambling cage!
Hey Tulsit
159 days is great. Keep reminding yourself of how well your doing and how you feel much better not gambling.
Keep it up!
Conradnose
conradnose wrote:
Hey Tulsit
159 days is great. Keep reminding yourself of how well your doing and how you feel much better not gambling.
Keep it up!
Conradnose
check out my blog www.conradnose.com
Great idea to blog! Thanks for the post!
Day 160.
An old and very wise man once told me that "Every day is a celebration when you do not gamble". Today was a celebration. I had a lovely day at work, I met some really great new people and felt unbelievably great.
Now, it's quarter to 7 and I'm thinking about settling down to watch the football. I'm trying hard not to "analyse" the games. If I can go to bed without doing that - today will be an absolute bonus.
Life is great when you do not gamble!
Day 172.
I'm having problems with sleeping. I usually go to bed and then wake up at 2am - then finally get back to sleep at 5am - then wake up at 8am. Then I feel like rubbish during the day. Drink maybe too much coffee and go for easy food. Everything feels like a chore and I just can't get going.
I'd take that over the issue I had with gambling (where lack of sleep meant I'd lost a lot of money in a few hours).
However, I believe that recovery is all about improving and bettering life so it's an area I have to look at.
If I'm living a gambling free life, then it has to be a lot better than the absolute misery that I was going through when gambling.
179 days since my last bet.
Yesterday was the closest I've come to a bet. "Just a tenner" that voice said. In reality it would be about 100 times just a tenner. This morning I wake up thinking - just a game of poker.
It feels pretty hopeless to be honest.
Part of me wants to gamble. Part of me doesn't want to gamble.
It's a pain in the ****.
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