Life With Sports Bets Only

Posted by: captain46

Thanks for the post Castle.

I believe that those who have experienced success and achievements and highs and happiness in their lives find it harder to cope with a mundane life. Those who havent are happier and more easily contented with the simpler things.

Gambling gives us the opportunity to experience the happiness and highs but they dont compare to natural human highs.

If like me you simply dont have anything in your life which gives you the highs you once had, then also remove the gambling, I think thats what makes the recovery period longer due to the forced resignation that all the best times of your life are behind you.

Apologies in advance for digging back historically into your diary Captain.

I already read your complete diary earlier (as you mentioned above), but there are so many of your posts that resonate directly with me, and especially on the withdrawal side of the coin.

The above post hit a large nail on the head for me though, and I can explain why. As I mentioned earlier, my area of expertise in gambling was betting on TV shows. I have a background that gives me some of that expertise in my training/qualification, which is broadly speaking analysis of behaviour, psychology, voting behaviours etc. That gave me something of a head start in that area. To add to that I had a very strong network of people who I discussed all of this area with very regularly. The bottom line was that I made some significant money in this area, as I was both good at it, and very well supported by others in that activity.

Besides the winning, however, I also had a strong connection to my wife through this activity. She gambled (much smaller) with me at times, and always enjoyed following it all - at some points we must have had about 12 different shows we were both following and trading upon. Nearly all with earnings made.

The main point for me here though, is linked to your post - I had some of the most 'peak' experiences of my life in those times. Not only did I love watching the events, but knowing you had correctly sided intelligently with the winners, was for me not just entertainment. I also have a strong musical background, so I love music competition for that reason, and also partly why I was good in this area. Hearing someone you predicted to be great, becoming great on stage, while at the same time being proven correct and winning, was intoxicating for me.

Just wanted to explain, how your point above is spot on for me. Without those experiences, it really is difficult for me now. But I also realise how those experiences lead me to my other terrible activity in gambling (on other areas that I had no ability or expertise).

Psychologically though, right now, I'm calm but keep noting as I re-read your posts in these times how much resonates with me now.

John.

Hi John

No worries at all about digging up my previous posts. I'm really glad they resonate with you and provide some benefit and you never know, others who read may also gain some benefit. And thanks again for taking the time to read my whole diary.

We are definitely on the same page re having great gambling highs and experiences through selecting winners based on knowledge. OK it was different events but the concept is the same, studying, reviewing, spending time looking at options and alternatives, and then convincing ourselves that our selections would be successful taking all into consideration, and then the high of the success, some combination of financial gain, euphoria, a release of dopamine etc. And the different type of feeling of that sort of success based on knowledge rather than winning based on random selections and luck is chalk and cheese. But as we both admit, we werent able to stick to our knowledge based events and hence self-destruction was the result.

I dont like to recall but I have to, that say following a great high/win for a Golfer or selection of football teams on a weekend, there were times that by the Tuesday or Wednesday I'd lost it all and more on random gambling nonsense. Yes there were also times when the great win stayed with me for many weeks but I have to be honest and balanced about it.

Also have to point out in my historic post to Castle, I said 'Gambling gives us the opportunity to experience the happiness and highs but they dont compare to natural human highs'. This is very important for me - every single day I think of the highs I got from self involvement in sporting success which happened before my gambling became a problem and those natural highs were for me better than any successful bet as I achieved them myself either individually or as part of a team which for me ranks much higher than bets which Yes were successful based on my knowledge but were dependant on other humans/horses performing to the level I anticipated. I dont know if you have any non-gambling highs which you would classify similarly?

Related to this, part of my 'Stone Of Life' which I use to help my recovery includes 'Those who experience highs at a young age are disadvantaged, as they will try to re-create those highs, naturally or otherwise, not realising that it is likely to be impossible to do so, and always searching for different methods, as they find that life cannot exist based on great memories and we need something in the present and the future too'

It aint going away.

Captain 

Cheers for your post Captain,

In terms of highs away from gambling, I suppose the closest would have been some sports (I used to run) and also some theatre/music performance. I don't do either now though really, other than singing to music while I play it! 😀

There is an age thing for sure - easy when you're young to have other dreams and thoughts. These days it's more like 'work, work, work, rest a bit, watch TV, etc'.

I am still not completely gamble free for exactly these reasons - I'm still clinging to some occasional activity. Sadly it engages me more than other things.

My real test though comes next year when the eurovision is on - I've made money on that for about the last 20 years. Normally, since my crash down, my wife refuses to watch all the previous shows, and I don't either. But with that one I refused to avoid it last year - I watched it alone though, she didn't join in. I understand, but I also said (partly correctly) its something I've enjoyed all my life, and I'm not going to stop. What I didn't say is that I actually won a (relatively small) amount of money on it, as usual.

I'm in a bit of a 'between' place right now, as you can probably guess from all that. It's not great, but it's better than where I have been.

Cheers,

John.

Hey Captain,

In response to your “Red” game - no problem with the song - Red, red wine. Bl***y he*l cannot think of a film with red in the title. I guessed at Red Velvet, then I googled and there was a film by that name. But it was luck more than judgement ?

I hope your Saturday has been ok. I get what you say about your life being a bit “dull”. I think many lives are. We all get stuck on the monotonous ride, sometimes it’s hard to get off, to make that change. Some people believe our lives are mapped/planned out. I’m not one of those. I truly believe we never know what tomorrow might bring ?

The Tourist (imo) was rubbish! I didn’t rate it and wouldn’t recommend it. It seemed to get worse with every episode. I saw something advertised tonight - Trigger Point. It looks  worthy of a watch ???We’re currently watching something on Netflix called Clickbait, which (again) is ok. It passes the evenings! Although not watched anything tonight. I drank a bottle of wine and have come to bed instead.

Am I giving you a colour now, or are we continuing with the “red” theme? Your game, your rules ?

Tizzy xxx

Evening Captain,

I feel really cold tonight - but I have a cold. My nose is constantly running - so keep your distance! I’ve taken a Covid test, just to be safe, but it was negative thank goodness. What I find worrying is the fact that although we like to think we are extremely careful, to catch a cold from someone, well, I’ve obviously been too close….and instead of a cold it could have been covid! 

Dad is doing better. Thanks for asking ? I just hope the antibiotics he recently finished attacked the rib infection! He’s not heard from the hospital re another MRI scan. But tbh, the way covid in hospitals is rife atm, I don’t think it’s a good time for him to go. So we’ll just see what transpires.

How is work, are you busy?

Im not doing very well at your game. Yellow Rose of Texas for song. I couldn’t think of a film. So I looked on google, and I didn’t even find any I knew on there! Lol.

Think I need to go to bed early tonight, smother myself in Vick - literally!

Tizzy xxx 

Hi Captain,

Sorry to hear you’ve been struggling a bit over the last few days. I think you’re right, in that many will. As I said before Christmas takes over our thoughts. We get out of that “routine” there’s a lovely festive feeling that surrounds us, then bang, it’s over…..back to normality. If normality ain’t “great”, which for many it isn’t, then it’s naturally tough. 

My cold is still lingering, but not too bad. We’ve been watching a few things on Netflix. I said to my Mum tonight, there’s lots on the tv, but most is just average. It’s not very often you come across something that really grips you! When you do it’s exciting, something to look forward to. Just as I type this Trigger Point is advertised on ITV - starting on 23rd January. 

As you know I (like you) am not a fan of Djokovic. I think he thinks he’s above the law of the land. I was hoping Australia were gonna kick his a*s out of the country, but it doesn’t look like that’s gonna happen. Although from the sound of things he’s either clearly lied about having covid, or didn’t give a stuff about people he could infect!

As for Johnson, I think the man is a bl***y idiot.  I mean come on. Should he go? Probably. Will he go? I doubt it. But for it to be leaked at this time, well it’s all been planned and he needs to look into who the dirty dog is! 

Captain I’m not enjoying your game. I can come up with Green Green Grass of Home, but no film. I’m not as hot with films as I am music. Perhaps the next game could be just music? Give little old me more chance ?

Have a good evening!

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Confession time. I don’t know why, maybe boredom, maybe just the inner addiction (which I’ve managed to lock away until now) but I got a family member to deposit into their online gambling account (I transferred them the money) so I could play. It was twice. Three hundred quid in total. But, it’s set the ticking time bomb off. That avenue is now closed. They only did it because I kept on and even though they know I have a gambling problem they don’t understand that agreeing to do this is bad for me. Since losing that money (this morning) I’ve been Googling, looking up old accounts, just doing anything and everything to try and get my fix. I stopped myself and instead came on here to write to you.  

It started two days ago. And I’ve got to tell you, knowing I was going to wake up and play this morning had a bad impact on my sleep. I kept waking up looking at the clock, counting the hours basically until it was “justifiable” to wake up, log on and gamble. Within half an hour my bank was at zero! Why did I do it? Why did I think it would be different? OH knows, he’s just gone out. He doesn’t agree with it, but doesn’t say anything. He’s seen it so many times before…

I know what I’ve got to do. Just keep myself busy today. For me, when I get like this, it’ll probably take 48 hours to get this immediate “longing to play” out of my system. The craving will gradually reduce. 

You see when I go “shopping” this doesn’t happen. It really doesn’t affect me like this. I know I’m trying to justify (don’t all gamblers?) but it’s true. 

The blocking system I use is easily removable from iPad. And once you’ve done it once…..?

Tizzy xxx

Hey Captain,

Thanks very much for your in-depth reply to me. I needed it! 

Honestly, I don’t know what changed. I hadn’t had cravings. I always have little thoughts. I watch videos on YouTube. The thoughts I have don’t involve me playing online. I just have occasional thoughts about good times, good wins, lots of different bits and pieces from over the years. I’m assuming I sometimes think about the bad times I’ve experienced too…..but thinking about it, I dint think I do - which won’t surprise you! I think the opportunity sprung into my brain. For example, if I ask him to deposit into his account he might. In my head thinking *I won’t go mad, low key betting, just to have a little FUN* So I just messaged the family member, who with a little persuasion obliged….twice. 

I felt annoyed with myself after. It’s always *after* isn’t it Captain. It’s never while we’re playing, win or lose. Regret only comes after we’ve lost. CG only find themselves here, well maybe 9/10 after a (usually big) loss. 

I’m not going to go on, but seriously it affected my sleep so much. It was a kind of excitement, but at the same time…. I don’t know, I can’t put my finger on it, it was an unsettling feeling. Definitely wasn’t happiness! 

You mentioned a time when you was on holiday, counting down the days until you could return and bet. It makes me wonder how much time between us we’ve wasted. The hours we’ve hoped would just fly by to enable us to get our fix faster. It’s a pretty sad thing isn’t Captain. 

But anyway, I feel better tonight. I’m hoping I’ll sleep well  ? But I will speak to the family member and explain the situation. 

I agree re the blocking software. You have to be willing to work with it. It’s a little like this - I know 2 people that have had gastric operations for being obese. Initially they lost a few stone. But, as time progressed they became complacent, ate more and are basically back to square one. Anything you want in life won’t just happen by itself. There are aids, but we have to work with them! 

I am going to go with Brown Eyed Girl. Great song! 

Thanks for the hugs, definitely needed ?

It ain’t going away, it hasn’t gone away and I will try harder not to repeat my actions over the last two days. 

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Feeling a lot better tonight. One reason may be because we went shopping this afternoon. We both did ok. But that’s it, able to walk out the door. 

The Teacher, I’ve seen that advertised. Not sure if it’ll be your kind of thing. It stars Sheridan Smith, it’s on Channel 5, coming soon. It’s about a teacher accused if having a fling with one of her pupils. It happens on one night and she can’t remember a thing about it so sets out to find the truth. I think it’s a thriller. Sounds ok to me. I mentioned Trigger Point, that’s coming to ITV.  There is also Rules of the Game (which I know nothing about) which started earlier this week. Fingers crossed some of those will keep us both entertained ?

How is your weekend going? You’ve not mentioned if you’ve been out at all recently, I mean on a Saturday. Or, running at all? How is your Mother? 

I like it when you and I talk gambling. How it affects us before, during and inevitably afterwards. You know I relate to so much of what you say, as of course so many others will too. When in your last message you spoke about the second Captain. The one who when trying to recoup, didn’t give a stuff about any other thing or person at that time, well that’s what gambling does to us. It takes away all our self control. Another thing I’ve noticed, a lot of gamblers are very good with money when you take gambling out of the equation. They’re the type to shop around and not waste money. Even to the point of not wanting to spend £30 on a new top, but blowing hundreds on gambling. Unbelievable isn’t it? 

Okay, so I’m going to go with Blue Hawaii which is both a film and a song from the incredible Elvis ❤️ I am going to admit cheating and looking up the order of colours. Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Nil point for me on the bonus I’m afraid ?

Sweet dreams Captain,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Mundane Monday again! I’ve been pretty fed up today. I think some of it is that I had little to do. All over the weekend I’ve been out. Today I had time to think, to miss online gambling. I didn’t do anything, but not for the want of trying. ☹️

I haven’t heard of American Rust, I’ll look that one up. We started Rules of the Game last night. It was pretty slow, but ok. 

We’re going to go up North next week for a few days to visit OH family and we’ll visit his Mum. It’ll only be a pod visit at the home, as currently they have a covid outbreak. But it’ll be nice to get away for a few days. 

I was laughing when I read how wrong I was re the order of the colours you were choosing. I used to watch snooker. Many moons ago when Jimmy White was in his prime. I don’t know three quarters of the players now! 

I cannot think of a song with Pink in it…. Not sure if I’m missing something? Hopefully giving two for the next colour will earn me double points ?

Have a good evening,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Firstly yes, I do have a lot of spare time on my hands. It’s not good. That allows opportunity. Take that out of the equation and harder to gamble. I’m just going through a rough patch at the moment. Hopefully just a little blip. 

At the bottom of your messages you always say “it ain’t going away”…..the fact is, it’ll never ever go away. The CG inside us is always there. If we were to abstain for ten years, we could be *fooled* into thinking we’re *fixed*. When in reality, well, just like you say, it ain’t going away. 

We watched the third episode of Rules of the Game. It’s improving a little, not bad. 

We’re having our Grandson again tomorrow. He’s growing up so fast Captain. He’s discovering lots of new words. We’re currently potty training. As you can imagine that’s fun ? I have a box of jelly babies (leftover from Christmas) so today every time he did wee wees in potty he got one jelly baby. He quite enjoyed that game lol. 

Well I’m disappointed to say I can only think of one song - Back to Black Amy Winehouse. But I can offer Men in Black & Black Beauty as films, even though I opted out of films previously ?

It’ll never go away..

Tizzy xxx

Morning Captain, 

Just a quickie this morning ? as I realised I hadn’t responded re our friend Djokovic. I am glad they sent him back home! What message would it send out if they hadn’t? Also, there are parts of his story that don’t add up. He’s telling porkies! A bit like gamblers, we always tell porkies! It’s the only time I’ve lied in my entire life. 

Have a good day my friend,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Thanks for the poem. ? Your talents are wasted! 

Bloomin Arsenal lost AGAIN tonight. ? A couple of weeks ago they were playing very well, now it all seems to have gone to pot! 

It was lovely having Grandson again yesterday. It seems to be getting easier. He’s talking a lot more now. What was a bit of a chore (to begin with) is fast becoming a pleasure. And when I don’t see him I miss him. I’m not sure Grandad feels the same ???

Things appear to be looking a lot brighter re covid, which after two years is very good news. Cases really shot up a couple of weeks ago, and now they’re plummeting. God willing we’re heading in the right direction to normality. 

We finished The Rules of the Game tonight. You’ve guessed it… it was ok. Watched the first episode of The Bay, although for most of that I was messing around on my phone. Doing shopping orders, checking out new cake recipes and such like. 

Christmas was less than a month ago, but it feels like ages ago now. I miss that Festive, cosy feeling. It adds sparkle to the home. 

Back to your game and I’ve got two songs with white… White Lines, and of course White Christmas, which is a song and film. 

What game are we playing next? ?

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

How has your weekend been? I’m hoping you managed to get above a 5! I think this must be one of the worst time of year for many. There’s not a look to look forward to is there. Christmas really is a distant memory. Although we still have lots of chocolates and biscuits left over. We don’t eat lots of them, we also try to eat relatively healthy. But at weekends we have a treat. You’ve got to live haven’t you? 

Im intrigued to hear how you found Rules of the Game. As I say, it was ok imho. We’re watching The Bay. That is quite good atm. We’ve only watched 2, I don’t know how many episodes there are. 

I guess there’ll probably be quite a few people like yourself who have been working from home for a good while now. Allowing it to become the norm. It’ll take a while to get back into that routine though I’m sure! 

Another bad day at the office for Arsenal. 0-0 at home to Burnley fgs! I give up! 

Ok, I’m up for the challenge. I’ll go with Love Letters, Alison Moyet.

Over to you Captain,

Tizzy xxx

@tizzy1970 

Hi

Once I started to fully understand how emotionally vulnerable I was I started to reduce my fears one by one.

I understand that Christmas was a big unhealthy fear anxiety stress trigger for me.

That I use to think that Christmas time was a happy time when I got toys I wanted.

Was buying presents person pleasing or trying to impress.

Did I start playing out Christmas to late.

Did I get sorting out Christmas cards to late and were they organized.

So decisions were made to have a word file with all up to dates so I could print out envelopes in one or two goes.

To write down what was needed and required to make Christmas a homely time.

Then when we had our first well sorted out Christmas it felt strange.

No anxiety no worries and no stress, sadly we were nut use to completely relaxed Christmas time.

I would blame other people for me being stressed out, that was not true. 

A relaxed healthy Christmas can be any ones if we plan well in advance and not leave things to the very last moment.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK