Life With Sports Bets Only

@captain46 

Hi

I needed to find healthier choices myself.

I thought that change was impossible for me, yet in time by exchanging unhealthy habits in to healthy habits I started to value myself.

It was not enough for me to just abstain.

So I focus more on getting things done, it helped me stay focused.

I really use to think that Monday to Friday was boring.

I only wanted to live for the week end.

I found that I had not put my heart in to what I did at work.

and the same old but different on a weekend.

I use to think that my self abusive days were exciting and stimulating.

Not for me it was fear induced adrenaline rushes self abuse fear and wanting to hide.

I would face each fear one at a time and look forward.

My past was a blur because it was all painful trauma long before my addictions and obsessions.

In time I got to respect myself and love myself more and more.

Learn from my past and not live in it any more.

Made new memories where peace comfort and ahving a better realtionship with myself was very important.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

Hi Captain,

I hope you’re well and enjoying all the fun elements the dating site has to offer. Although I know you’d always be honest while chatting (dating sites) I agree with the escapism it offers. A bit like stars in their eyes, remember that? Tonight (can’t remember the host) I’m going to be……. It’s not that you want to be someone else. But you can be you, without the baggage gambling has gifted you! You can have a laugh (hopefully) and forget ?

I’m ok. Have things going on atm. I’m not really in a great place if I’m honest. But that’s life. Or, the life of someone who doesn’t really know what she wants with regard to gambling…Said moving on quickly.

We have watched a few episodes of Chloe - it’s ok. We’ve also now watched 4 Trigger Point. That’s my favourite, definitely edge of your seat, or as good as you’re going to get on ITV. Recommend that one for sure!…That’s if you find time for TV these days ?

Time seems to fly faster than ever these days. One minute it’s Monday, blink and it’s Friday.

The Thai meal was awful btw. Worst one I’ve ever had. So won’t be going back there! 

Happy Friday Captain,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Im on my own this weekend, well until Sunday. And have been online gambling. It’s just the slightest excuse and I go back there - I find a way. A guilt trip, to get OH to help me in my quest. It always ends the same way. I even know it’s going to end up that way. Deep sighing here. I’m fed up with myself. I’m frustrated at the fact I give in so easily. I owe my OH 24k now. Not sure what it was when I last mentioned it, but it certainly hasn’t  decreased. As my balance starts to dwindle, I start to get stressed. I don’t feel good. I have to take more control and stop with the excuses. 

Maybe I need to get on a dating site, just kidding, trying to make light. 

I feel like crying. I lost around half a months wages. It’s not about the money. This time it’s not even about the fact I can’t play anymore. To be honest, I didn’t even feel like I enjoyed it that much. Can you relate to that? I’m just down because I’ve done it again…

Arsenal had some luck last night didn’t they? Gives me something to smile about. 

But when I think about what the poor people of Ukraine are going through, how lucky am I? Are we? 

I don’t like being in the house alone. But I’ll take my little protector to bed with me tonight… in the shape of my little doggy ?

Night night Captain, be good ?

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Apologies that I’ve not been in touch. I’ve had a nasty cold and have felt quite poorly. I’ve done many covid tests - fortunately all negative. 

In response to you talking about how others in chat have hardly looked back since stopping gambling. How their lives are much better now. In contrast, in your life you still crave the gambling. In my opinion, I believe some *train* themselves to believe their lives are better. Obviously some peoples lives really are better. No borrowing, scrimping and scraping = less stress. And for some reason those people don’t dwell on the previous excitement gambling brought them. Maybe some of them genuinely find a new excitement, one that won’t ruin their lives! As we’ve said before, being of the older generation, we’ve spent many, many years gambling. That will always make it harder. It’s like parting with an old friend…. Or pretends to be your friend. I guess it’s a bit like the saying goes, it takes all sorts. Changing the subject very very slightly. I could give many people advice. I know many things about gambling. Like you, only through my own personal experience. And when I talk to someone like yourself who really understands I get excited. I’m not alone. But, that same advice I give to others, well, I struggle to take it myself. 

We finished Trigger Point last night. We didn’t rate the ending. Let me know what you think, they’re all available now. Apart from that we’ve not watched much else. Still have Chloe to watch (just watched two I think I) and I think it’s called The Holiday (I could be wrong) on channel 4/5(?) 

Hows the dating site going? Are you chatting to many females? I’m intrigued. I know you can’t say much, but give me a little teaser please!

I hope work is a little better for you BFF. We had Grandson today and I really struggled, what with not feeling great. Going to try and have a lay in tomorrow.

Speak soon,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

How are you? I’m still not great, sound like a ninety year old first thing in the morning ?But I think I’m finally getting there! 

The sun has actually showed it’s head this afternoon, be it a little brief, but it’s out. I have Arsenal on the TV, currently leading Watford 2-1.

I’m glad you’re having a little fun and flirting on the dating site. We all need something out of the norm don’t we Captain? I made some triple chocolate  brownies this morning - they’re in the fridge cooling, but they are amazing. I think we’re going out later. 

Is there anyway improvement with your Mother? It’s hard isn’t it? My Dad has an appointment tomorrow morning at that clinic place. He had an MRI scan 3 weeks ago and the nurses that come twice weekly received the results. They said there’s some swelling on ribs - so that’s obviously why he’s still getting pain. We’ll see what happens tomorrow! ???

Good to hear you enjoyed Chloe, we’ve still got a few to watch, but that gives me hope! There’s a new thing starting tonight, not sure if it’s my sort of thing, but have set it to record. 

Enjoy the rest of your Sunday, and happy dating ?

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain, 

My dinner is cooking in the oven, just wanted to pop on and send you a message.  I’ve sadly been on a bit of a bender. It’s not good, I feel terrible. I’ve lost money, but not lots, but it’s not even about that? Is it ever? I realise I have to stop completely for my own sanity. Going back to how things used to be is scary. I become a shadow of the real me. I cannot be bothered with anything other than gambling. I HAVE TO STOP. Gambling really does mess your head up, well it does mine. It’s mesmerising, not just whilst playing, but I’m not “me” when I’m gambling. 

I feel ashamed, weak. 

Tomorrow is another day, but it’s a day I will not gamble. 

Speak soon BFF,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

I haven’t been too well, I have covid. Fortunately I’ve not been too under the weather. The first two days were the worse, bad aches etc. But now, I just have lingering cold symptoms and tickley cough. OH has it now, we both thought he’d avoided catching it from me. 

Have you had covid, or have you managed to evade its clutches? Although I do feel extremely lucky to have it now and not two years ago. 

Thanks again for your support and suggestions regarding gambling. As usual you’re spot on my friend, can’t argue with anything you’ve said. You know, you’ve been there, and own 100 of the T-shirts…. sadly! 

Again, fortunately for me the come down from my gambling spell hasn’t been too bad. It hasn’t affected my sleeping, nor has it consumed my thoughts more than usual. I have no intentions of gambling again in the near future. 

Totally agree with Trigger Point, the ending was feeble. But lots are and it pi***s me off! The holiday is exactly the same. Ending was lousy, sorry if tmi! We started watching Our House last night, that seems ok, time will tell. 

Are you still on dating sites? Any further news/updates you want to share with your bestie (and 100’s of others on Gamcare lol) 

Take care Captain, 

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

Im hopefully almost covid free - hoping to get a negative test tomorrow and venture out! It’s been a beautiful day here. Spring has definitely been in the air. 

I have not gambled today, and have no intention of doing so. 

In your last message you mentioned about something coming up to cause some CG’s difficulties. I assume it’s to do with horse racing? I have no idea of the event. 

A holiday sounds like a good idea for the Captain. I remember you mentioning it before, but nothing ever came of it. I realise it isn’t easy, part of you wants to stay within your routine, but by the same token you want to add stuff too. 

We would usually be going away, but have lots of things going on over the next few months. If I was able to elaborate, or, elaborate without the fear of someone recognising me, I would. But hoping to go away around June time. 

So, we finished watching Our House this evening. What is it with these endings? I didn’t rate it. Am I expecting too much? What did you think? 

I’ve never chatted to men through a dating site. I chatted to men years ago on the internet - in chat rooms provided by my internet provider and know what some are like re pictures lol. As long as you’re enjoying it, it can’t be a bad thing.

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

I hope you’re well. It’s ten days since I got confirmation I had covid. I am still testing positive would you believe? The cough is still there, and some sniffles, other than that I feel fine. Just amazes me I’m still testing positive. OH is too, but he’s 3 days behind me! 

I’m in bed early tonight. We have a guest staying. Our little Grandson, to give mummy and daddy a nights rest and a lay in tomorrow. So it’ll be a wake up call anytime between 5-6 ???I’d prefer it being light ?

We’ve not really been watching anything on the tv lately. No new dramas. Just the boring soaps and a couple of odd films on Netflix. 

I have no intention of gambling. 

I got into a heated debate with someone on another gambling help page. I said that if a person spends their wages on payday and goes the whole month (skint) without gambling, but then when payday comes back round they immediately spend their wages and repeat the cycle, well that is not being GF. Being GF is having the money to be able to gamble, but not gambling. But some people don’t get it. And sometimes you cannot make them see. But I guess all we can do is try. 

I’m looking forward to going out tomorrow, especially if the weather remains nice. Yes, I know you aren’t a fan of Spring or Summer. I like Spring, moving away from the miserable dull days. I’ve probably said before, but when it’s nice outside I feel a spring in my step. I feel more positive about many aspects of my life. 

Are we still on the dating site? Anymore t*t bits? Lol. 

Have a good weekend BFF,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain, 

I’m really sorry to read that you’ve gambled. I certainly wasn’t expecting to read that. But, total respect for coming on here and telling me (and anyone else who follows our diaries) I have to ask you, as you’ve asked me, what was different this time? You face stress quite often. I imagine it’s opportunity, having some cash available and the fact that you’re stressed etc. I know only too well what it’s like when a light goes off in your brain. It’s hard to turn it off. It keeps buzzing, trying to get us to give in. 

I really hope you’re not going to let it affect you and the path you’re currently on. As a friend, and a fellow CG, I’d love you be able to give you a magic potion to enable you do your *strategy* betting, minimally of course, ensuring you never placed another random bet. I’ve thought this for many months. But haven’t said it to you in fear of triggering you. We both know if this was possible you’d have something to look forward to. It’s bizarre that YOU know what you’d need to do and what you can’t do….but you cannot control yourself. We compulsive gamblers cannot control ourselves. Gambling takes away any logical, rational thinking we have. In our normal lives we can be the most sensible, wise, even frugal people, until we gamble. 

On many occasions when I’ve been gambling online I’ve been able to get my balance to xxxx, but I can never withdraw! I always think in my head if I get to this amount I’ll withdraw some, but I don’t. I just keep playing. Online slots are on extremely high percentages compared to actual fruit machines, thus why it is very common for slot gamblers to “get in front”….we don’t withdraw and eventually we will hit a slot that is on the take. Being a CG we cannot accept this, so we raise the stakes. The 3k goes to 2k, anyone in their right mind would say to themselves ok, now’s the time to stop, I’m still 1500 up….but not us, the stake gets raised even more and eventually the balance ends up at zero. You log off and tell yourself that’s it, and it is, until the next time. 

I currently have no intention of gambling.

Tizzy xxx

PS I am soooooooooooooooo peed off with all these s**t endings in the dramas! It’s like they’re all rushed, not thought out! 

I reckon you and me could write a good drama, especially if it involved gambling. 

Hugs Captain xxx

Evening Captain,

I hope you’re feeling ok and not too down with recent “events”. 

The only thing forum changed on my previous post was digits to stars. It’s odd because when I wrote 3k they allowed that, or didn’t see it to change it. Nonetheless, in answer to your question, you didn’t miss anything juicy lol. 

I’m still going out shopping and buying the occasional thing I shouldn’t, but in comparison to online gambling, well there’s no comparison. I just wanted to be straight with you on that. 

It’s very difficult to abstain from something we think we love. I belong on another group, and so many people post how they have given in yet again. I am able to give them all the best advice. Sadly I cannot follow that advice myself. 

I saw another drama had started - Holding….. don’t bother. I watched 20 mins and turned it off. OH watched more, I left him to it. 

I’m gonna say goodnight, I’m almost falling asleep here. 

Speak soon,

Tizzy xxx

Evening Captain,

Sorry to hear you’ve got a few stressful days coming up at work. I certainly wouldn’t opt for biting your lip. If things need to be said - say them. Hopefully in doing so you’ll feel a weight lifted too. Good luck with whatever plan of action you take. Bloomin dilemmas eh Captain ?

I am away this weekend on a girls weekend. Going Friday, back Sunday. I’m really looking forward to it. The forecast is sunshine - not that we’ll be sunbathing, but for me, as I’ve mentioned before, seeing the sun out puts a spring in my step, it’s been absent for quite a while! We’ll have a few drinks and a laugh. I certainly won’t be going to bed too late though, I’m past all those kind of shenanigans ? (great word eh) 

My Dad is still in some pain. I don’t think it’s as bad as it was before Christmas. His wound isn’t healing (again) the nurses come twice a week to change his dressings. He saw a specialist last week, who wants him to see a plastic surgeon. The thought being that having a skin graft may help. But the plastic surgeon is extremely busy, so could take months! Deep sigh…..

I wouldn’t say the other forum I am on for gambling is any better than Gamcare. It doesn’t have Captain for one thing! But it’s lots of posts. Lots of people starting at day one. People who don’t realise how difficult it is to stop. As you and I both know, it isn’t just about switching a light on or off. I agree, you and I together have so much experience. I too have come across people who have stopped for a very short amount of time and believe they know all there is to know about gambling, when in hindsight they know jack s**t ???

Im looking forward to a lay in tomorrow, even though I’ll be awake before 8, it’s nice not having to rush up. And after two days of Grandson, I’ll appreciate the rest ?

Speak soon,

Tizzy xxx

Hi Captain,

I hope you're feeling a bit better after Friday nights chat. I've no doubt an intelligent, articulate man like yourself could have had a much better life had it not been for your addiction, but it is what it is & we can't change it. 

When I first came here I read a post from a man who was once a company director earning a 6 figure salary. He went on to say he drove a BMW 7 series & had enough cash in the bank to buy a fleet of them. He would entertain clients or would be clients by taking them to dinner followed by an evening at the casino, which is where his addiction took hold.

Not only did he gamble every penny he had, but when that had gone he cashed in a very generous pension fund & gambled that too. Inevitably his house was repossessed, whilst his family had no idea what was going on. He then went on to describe the bedsit he was living in & said his evening meal was a cup of tea & a packet of custard cream biscuits. 

How bad can it get ?. Well he's the real painful part of the story. He was still living in the same city as the family he made homeless & went on to say when his kids pass him in the street they don't even acknowledge him. After addiction there's an aftermath when you begin to recover ( truly recover ) the aftermath kicks in. The realization stares us in the face & oh my god it's ugly.

So the choices. Accept what's gone is gone & be the best you can. Accept you're an addict & how essential blocks are to have in place. When I look back at what I've lost & could have had in life I ask myself these questions. Have my family deserted me ?. Am I homeless ?. Am I afraid to put the heating on ? ( ask me again in April ). Do I have a secure roof over my head. Am I hungry ?. My hopes & dreams of living in a 6 bedroom detached house with a Jaguar parked outside are long gone ( much of them evaporated being on the wrong end of a photo finish at Royal Ascot or Cheltenham). 

I'm a lot richer than the day I turned up here broken in Aug 2018. Sure I've had to lower my expectations of what I hope to achieve in life. There'll always be compulsive gamblers & I'm just unfortunate to be one. You've a job ( maybe not an enjoyable one ) but providing an income nevertheless. You've lots to give & contribute to those younger folk addicted & you're respected on this forum. So a safe place where you don't have to pretend you're Joe Normal. Don't underestimate yourself.

Sincere Best Wishes

AL

Thanks for the post Slow, appreciated.

And it’s great to read that you are getting the benefit since you quit 4 years ago.

As you say I could definitely have made a better life for myself than I have. Plus I’ve often quoted on here that has as much if not more to do if not more with bad life decisions than the gambling. The gambling has all too often been an escape and a coping mechanism for me. After all these years I still don’t know what else I could have turned to.

The Company director guy you mention could well have been me- I’ve quoted before on here how much I have lost. I know I’m lucky to have a roof over my head and stay in a decent area and have a good job. But it’s not enough. And for the record, it’s not that I don’t like my job- it’s the stress part mainly which comes with having to act as a different person to who I am.

When it was lockdown it was great for me. Nobody was doing anything, which is pretty much how I live my life, so I didn’t have to feel inadequate or out of place. Plus I didn’t have to go to the office and see people. Now it’s back to how it was before and I’m struggling to cope.

The fact that I’ve gambled again is neither here nor there really in my current mode of thinking. And agreed I need to put the past behind me but not easy given I’ve had such a large wave/ reminder thrown at me last week about what I have missed out on, so much more strongly than ever before. Feels like I’m in last chance saloon at the moment re whether I have any opportunity to carve out a life from this point onwards or if my life is destined to play out with just more of the same with the inevitable gamble here and there to boot.

I know I have added value to others on here many times over the years with advice and pointers but those times happen when firstly my head is in a better place myself.

It ain’t going away. It just won’t quit.

Captain