Life With Sports Bets Only

Captain

I read your post with great interest the other day, I am in truth suprised to see no replies to it's content, maybe I ask myself is this progress??

did we all learn the true lesson of bespoke recovery through your own contribution to the forum.

I did find myself asking the question I wonder if there are levels to which a person is compulsive?? maybe maybe not.

In truth the lesson I learnt is your own recovery wont affect mine, by you gambling I wont be tempted to try to rationalize my own addiction, for me fella I just carry on smiling and am safe in the knowledge that I am the title holder of the worst gambler in the world.

I may even treat myself to a t-shirt.

For you fella I acknowledge the honesty in your post, I hope with those winnings you furnished some of the debt gambling brought, or at least put those winnings to a good cause.

For me that was impossible.

Regards

Duncan compulsive gambler.

Captain

Thanks for the well considered reply, I understand it must be at times difficult to post your own opinions/ views based on the fact it must feel at times like you swim against the tide so to speak with your own choice of recovery.

For me I think what you write is true regarding folks levels of compulsion, I do see the same devestating results mentally for all of us in relation to how compulsive gambling makes us as a person.

I think the bottom line is fella that we are all here to learn how to control these behaviours/ compulsions to better our own being.

For me the only difference is you find control in elements of your own gambling life where as I simply cannot gamble, in truth I fully accept that gambling won, it beat me at my own game.

There is for me no shame in that, the shame comes when I gamble as the outcome is always total loss of control.

For you a win furnished some debt, for me abstinence did the same.

Again I respect the imput you gifted my diary, it does help in my own personal journey, I hope to gift the same.

Regards Duncan.

Well done captain,your marching on well in your recovery.

It must have a been a massive test having that win sat?

It would of defintely sent me into a betting frenzy!

I know its taken a long time to get to the point your at now.

I could never take your approach,winning a few quid just doesn't interest me,I always wanted to make a living from gambling-,I could never have gambling as a fun hobby.

Keep goin captain,keep in control,yor unique approach is serving you well.

When you can accept who you are, what you are, what you have done, what you haven't done, where you are now, where you are going, where you are not going, and stand up straight and look in the mirror over all of this and smile, you are really recovering.

When you appreciate that you haven't lived your life up to now in what can be described as a standard fashion and you maybe never will and you accept that and it doesn't bother you, things are better by the end of this sentence.

When I was 18 I chose to stay in the house rather than go out and celebrate my mates 18th birthday. Because I had a cup semi-final the next day.

I scored 2 and we won the semi 8-2 but my mates disowned me. I had different sets of mates at later points but never really the same.

30 years later I still can't decide if I did the right thing missing my mates 18th. I wouldn't want to erase the semi-final memory but if I had kept those mates from then till now I don't think I would have become a compulsive gambler.

If buts and maybes captain. Who knows if your path would have been different,if they were real friends would missing a party really been that critical?

I understand you feel you would of had a bigger circle of friends throughout your life,but once you had your first taste of gambling,those friends would of become a poor second,gambling becomes your best friend,I really do believe we are powerless to this addiction,we can only arrest it.

I've had similar thoughts- I gota a job working on a container ship when I was 17,I started the training,but felt it wasn't for me and quit,I often think- would that job have stopped my compulsion to gambling? no internet gambling those days,I would have been away 6 months at a time,tho plenty of card playing I suspect

I was always gona have a problem with gambling from the moment I had my first bet in the bookies at 15,gambling had bitten me from an early age.

What's done is done captain,gambling takes everything from us,oppurtunities,trust, money and friendships- we've gota move on,learn from our mistakes,no ones perfect- all the cr** we've put ourselves through will make us better people in the long run when we come out the other side.

Keep posting captain

Yeah Robby I agree with you gambling takes everything from us.

For me I think my gambling became compulsive based on some key decisions, like the one I quoted and others related to where I lived, the career path I took and not being man enough to live life how I really wanted.

I try to move on and not get caught up by past decisions but it's tough, I can't get past the feeling that I'm too old and I've made my bed and need to lie in it and my life opportunities disappeared years ago. Have posted similar a few times on here. I'm not being down and feeling sorry for myself here just being realistic and accepting and acknowledging there are many a lot worse off than I am.

Nothing lasts forever and my life may change and improve but I definitely know it won't just be about stopping random gambling. That in itself is a massive achievement but for my life to change maybe I need to learn to take risks in life instead of risks on virtual

horses.

I do feel very much like you do, Captain. I'm quite scared about it all, actually. You're right, though. We do need to take some risks in 3d (sensible ones) and things could change. For now, I have to get some abstinence under my belt as my first priority. I figure I can worry about the rest of my life later.

Have to report that today at lunchtime I got a strong urge to random gamble. Didnt act on it but first time I've had an urge for months, proves the beast is still there.

Captain

fella thanks for sharing with the forum today.

My question is one which comes from looking at my own gambling life.

Did that urge to gamble come from the recent win planting seeds in the mind??

From my own experience the wins were simply never enough, I became increasingly greedy for more, I know for me the possibility of instant gratification the fobt could gift was why I always ended up there.

I think your resolve to write here the episode shows for you your choice of recovery is working, for that I hope you take great pride.

Regards Duncs.

Thanks Duncan.

I have in recent months dealt with stressful days without even considering gambling as a coping mechanism. Think maybe the urge was based on a build up of both work and non-work related stresses all happening over the course of a few days.

I dont think my football win was a factor, because that wasnt borne out of a reactive behaviour, it was a choice spending of afforable money to lose, not a win from an out of control act.

But I reckon with over 20 years of going to the bookies to relieve stress my memory came back for a few minutes of gambling experiences when random wins (falsely) made me feel better for a short time. I know a quick bet and win on a dog or virtual race yesterday would have improved my day. A loss would have maybe ended up in a win overall half an hour later. Or I could have lost thousands. Or even if I won yesterday it would have just been the start of another roller coaster where I eventually lost it all again.

I cant go back to random. But yesterday was a shocking reminder of the possibility that one weak moment where I am taken over by the addiction would be all it would take.

You can't live a solitary life for 11 months of the year and then suddenly have lots of friends and family to share the festive season with. Déjà vu say this every year, this time of year makes me face the facts of my life more than any other. I am much better off than many but envious of many too. My current life predicament is down to a combination of my bad decisions and just circumstances.

Random gambling has been a necessary crutch to help me through the festive period in many previous years. This year I have to act out the usual routine without it. It's like a pantomime you know off by heart. Particularly concerned about the 2 weeks I am off work. My memory tells me only visits to the bookies has kept me sane in previous years.

Captain

Very honest post fella, the word de'ja' vu has come to mind today on this forum through reading a few posts, for me it comes with the realisation that wilst gambling my life followed the same 'cycle'

Each week I would repeat the same process of blowing the budget, my mind telling me that it does'nt matter you only have to wait a week and you get another go.

through abstinence I break the cycle, money remains rather than it being a constant of robbing peter to pay paul, but other things change too.

Patience grows, rational thinking returns and for me most of all I stop looking over the fence, thinking it was always greener over there.

Xmas has always been stressful, for the wrong reasons, always trying to keep up with the jone'ses but actually missing the point.

Cupboards full of food that would end a famine, why? presents the kids don't really want and and atmosphere through excessive spending that means knowone is actually happy.

We are trying something coompletly new this year.

No turkey but a nice sit down meal, no excessive waste, gifting more money for the igredients we will reallly enjoy, and presents one each, a secret santa method being used.

There will be money in the bank for the sales, maybe to spend maybe not.

And yes in the cold light of day it may all go ti#ts up, but by making the change the cycle is broken.

So in short, you have broken the cycle, maybe time to try a new path, fair play it may be full of pot holes and dog doop, but you will never know if you dont try.

As I say the grass is not always greener and even if it is what real difference does it make to my life??

That is something you gifted me, a way of thinking that is real,no longer a pipe dream

For that I thank you.

Duncs.

How r things captain?

I hope all is well and your avoiding those random bets. ?

Thanks Robby, still random-free and focused on hitting the 6 month mark at the end of this month.

No more urges since last Thursday thankfully, think that was brought about by exceptional circumstances.

Read your post about your big bet on Man City winning the league a couple of years ago - must have been a massvie thrill when Augero got that last minute winner! Pity you wasted it all but at least you are on the right road now.