Life With Sports Bets Only

Well, I think you need to contact people more often and cultivate those relationships. I am glad you're trying and I'm positive that if you keep trying, you will reap the rewards. Hang in there, Captain. I am thinking of you. It's probably Christmas Day in your part of the world by now, so... Merry Christmas!

Went out for a run this morning and pulled a calf muscle. This tipped me over the edge. As those who read my diary know I have been struggling with my non-part in the festive season. But now I can't even run or go for long walks.

I was in a terrible mood and this resulted in the worst Christmas Day i've had for years. Why? Because I've quit random gambling.

I am 47 years old and have only had 3 bad Christmas Days before today. One as a kid when someone pushed me off my bike and two which followed horrendus gambling losses.

The few family I do see on Christmas Day feed off me. It's been like that all my adult life. They want to see me happy and if I am they are too. If I am miserable it spoils their day. Today I was miserable. If I was still random gambling I probably wouldn't have been miserable as I'd have won some money recently and the drug of winning would have given me hope and I'd have made Christmas Day better for all. Yes it would have been a false mood, Yes it would have been short term gain and the money would have been all lost eventually.

But Christmas Day would have been ok.

So I have made giant strides in avoiding random gambling and improving finances. But without it other things suffer, including Christmas. It's sad but random gambling was the only thing that made me feel like the real me outside work.

Captain,

Hi mate. Just commented on a post on Tomso's diary which linked in to you as well, but wanted to mention something here.

I know this is a difficult time of year for you - full of stress and anxiety. Just wanted to let you know I'm rooting for you. Keep fighting! Yes - the situation you've described sounds painful. Immediate relief would have come with some random gambling. But such is the nature of addiction! It presents false hope - it shows a situation (like today) where a random punt might have made things more manageable - but you and I both know it could only have led to heartache and despair in the long run. There is no easy way out - only option is to ride through these difficult times like a man. Better stuff happens eventually.

Stay positive! A lot of negativity in your posts today (which I understand - of course) but hold on to the good things. Hold on to 6 months abstinence. Hold on to the fact that you're only a week or so away from a return to normality - to routine - and a more comfortable place for you psychogically.

Anyway, keep going with it pal. Thanks for your comments and support on my diary this year

D123

Captain

Fella after first reading your post on tomso's thread and then the post on your own thread I fully inderstand how the two tie together, sadly reading them back to front as it were it read like you are 'green' with envy.

You do seem to beat up on yourself, or you let gambling beat up on you.

Is random gambling really the glue that held it all together?? funny when we talk of gambling in a passionate way 'winning' seems to be the only thing we mention.

Quickly forgetting the carnage that comes with it and the very short term outlook.

Fella I hope that leg gets better quickly, and you carry on finding the resolve to better your own life, there must be a bigger picture, I hope there is.

Regards Duncs

Thanks for the post Dunc.

For me I say the same today as I did before my 6 months of random gambling abstinence began- Yes it was the glue that held my life together for many years and enabled my performance at work and out of work to excel to higher levels on the back of a win. When I lost others at work and out were affected. The pros outweighed the cons in terms of me as a person week to week month to month but the one factor which drove me to give up was my lack of control days and my financial situation not improving. The days of winning a few hundred were great, the days of losing a few hundred I could cope with but not the days where I lost every penny.

I am now having to adjust to a number of situations where I relied on gambling to get me through in the past, always having some fire in my belly, some hope, that enabled me to act in such a way that it made things feel better for me and others. Yes it was false but it helped. If I could have avoided the days where I lost everything I'd still be random gambling. But I couldn't and I found a way to stop and I'm

not going back so I need to adjust.

P.s. There is no link between my own post and the one to Tomso yesterday. Even if I had a great Christmas Day that post to Tomso had been coming. I am envious of what he has and a build up of a few posts recently simply paints for me a picture of how I wish my life was and i can't for the life of me figure out how someone with that life throws it all away gambling. Just my view, appreciate there are so many reasons for people succumbing to this illness.

Hi captain

Half way through and your staying strong and making full use of this site, as always read with great interest admire your straight talking saying it how it is when a lot of us hold back, totally understand with having to make the adjustments in life and not turn to reckless gambling to get by and making that decision of course is right logically but it doesn't make our life any happier, today had all afternoon to myself and how I would have loved to have a go on the football doing this I know it would have been 4 hours of time that would have passed by without no other thoughts than the football I didn't succumb to it and had an afternoon of thinking bout other stuff with half an eye on the football, I know its the right and best decision but it don't make life any easier, people may say find other stuff to do but like you on your own can be tough esp at xmas hence in a way I can relate to your comments on Tomsos diary as I also think if I had that life it would make it easier but its easy to judge that way from the outside

Understanding the reasons why we gamble is all part of the process in our recoveries and that can take time how you do it works for you and likewise myself I do have to say reading your diary has played a massive part in my recovery and has helped me more than you could ever imagine

Normality will resume very soon

Castle2

Thanks fr the post captain - glad to see your still abstaining from random gambling,is it 6 months yet?

Sorry to read it wasn't the best of christmas's for you,I understand your thinking that random gambling would of made your days better or more bearable. I've had hundreds of days random gambling as you call it,they were the days that resulted in me losing my house,goin bankrupt,contemplating suicide-days I need to avoid at all costs,we all do.

I've been muddling through christmas,I've tried to give my partner and kids the best christmas I can,financial pressures have made me slip bk into my overdraft,the temptation to win a quick hundred has been immense at times coupled with having a lot of free time to flick through channels,Its been hard but rewarding,I've got more resolve than I thought,I don't look at it as temptation but climbing the ladder.

Happy new year captain,your on the right path,who knows what 2014 has in store for us.

Well that's my 6 months random gambling free done. During that period there have been only a handful of urges. My ability to be able to do the 6 months is due to progressive change over the almost 6 year period since I first admitted I had a gambling problem.

My life routine for evenings and weekends altered, I gradually removed all areas of gambling which I could live without. Took a long time to admit I couldn't control random, to admit that I couldn't be like so many others and go in each lunchtime and evening and just have a punt.

I am where I want to be gambling wise, guess next target is to get to a year end of June.

I am a loner, partly by definition, partly by circumstance, so my recovery has been based on doing more reading, walking, taking time to think as I don't have opportunities to do things with others much.

This holiday period scared me, I didn't know if I could get through without random gambling but forming lists of things to do is working. I got more library books, my favourite ones I have read before, listed favourite films to watch again and got DVDs. I'm living in nostalgia world as there isn't a great deal in the present which I enthuse about.

Castle is right when he says for many of us this time of year is just about survival. But I hope as my debts continue to reduce and my recovery moves forward that future holidays may come to mean more than that. However I always need to bear in mind that gambling didn't cause my life to be how it is, gambling was my way of escape from it. I now escape with my head in a book but maybe that won't always be the case.

Cap,

Not been posting much on diaries recently but just wanted to pop in and say hello. I have read that things are challenging for you at the moment and I hope you get through it.

To be honest, I would be lying if I said I understand your situation with your method to your recovery. You openly admit that you still gamble on sports but talk about how challenging it is not to gamble on random during this period. I don't get this because there is sports events on every day and if you wanted to bet on a sport you could so why fret about random?

You also mention about reducing debt but how can this happen when still gambling on sport? I will never understand how you manage to cope with last minute losses on the football and don't feel the need to chase. Your diary tells me that you have a great deal of control. I know that if I bet on football and lost I would chase by playing roulette that is why I need to abstain completely and utterly.

Sorry to read about the injury you sustained while running. I don't want to sound patronising but as the injury heals get the IPod on and get out for a walk. Great way to clear your head and get your thoughts in order. I am loaded with the cold and can't go running but just been out for a 15 minute walk and it has done me the world of good. It wasn't that I had an urge to gamble or anything bad I was just simply bored sitting in the house. I am a little weird like that I will go out for a walk in the rain and it doesn't bother me.

Reference your previous post about throwing my life away with gambling when you think I have a pretty decent lifestyle. I haven't thrown it away just yet. I definitely have more positives in my life than negatives by a long way but I admit that I do have a self destructive side.

We all have issues that we sometimes don't discuss on here because they don't have anything to do with gambling. Only this week, a footballer who I played with for two years only five years ago, scored a goal in front of forty thousand (40,000) fans. I trained and played with this guy every week for two years. I was able to compete technically, which was never a problem for me, but most importantly physically without problem. Another player from the same team was on the bench recently for a televised game. Hard one to take when you see these guys coming through and having to accept that your time is now up and you perhaps never made the most of it. Yes, I have great memories and was part of team squads travelling to some great grounds but I never properly made the breakthrough that I should have and that everyone thought I would. That is my life and I need to accept it. I had a helping hand in developing these two guys who are about seven or eight years younger than me. When they first came to my team they had no ball retention and no real understanding of how hard you need to work in order to make it. I would bark at them when they needed it and encouraged them also and watched both mature into talented hard working players making a living out of football. Now I pay to go and watch them play. Secretly raging that I never kept their mobile numbers otherwise I would be getting comps. Only joking.

Keep your chin up.

Tomso.

Cap,

Thanks for your reply on my diary. I got the feeling you were getting a little frustrated with me and I am sorry if this is the case.

You have explained your approach to recovery to me in the past and although I continue to support you and wish you nothing but good things I will never understand your method and don't try to. You mentioned you don't gamble on random because you might lose excess amounts of money yet admit you gamble over 10k per year on football. That doesn't come across well. You justify spending 200 bucks per week by comparing your spending to others who spend that money dining out on nice restaurants but I don't we can compare ourselves to others. I have friends who can afford to go on two foreign holidays or who travel abroad to watch their football team would it therefore be fair to me to write off my recent 4k loss because I could have spent that money doing what they did. Of course not.

Let me point out that I have been unhappy with my lack of progress this year whereas you are happy with yours so I am in no position to criticise. Keep doing what you are doing if it works. Having said that, I could think of plenty of other things that would bring me happiness and also fill time to the tune of 10k.

I used to play golf. That was great. You can play alone but can also always get a game with someone else looking to partner up or even as a four game. They have medals during the week and at weekends. You pop into the club house for a beer afterwards and for some cheap but delicious food. Membership fees - less than a grand per annum. Golf clubs - between 300 - 1000 bucks depending on what you want. If this isn't possible I apologise for sticking my nose in.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your time off and find something new and exciting to do in the new year. You've got a lot of living still to do. Get yourself off the couch and get to it and I mean this in the nicest possible way. I know you've got big shoulders just as I do.

Tomso.

Congrats captain on 6 months random free! Its working for you,stick with it.

It really is like an alcoholic drinking lager and giving up spirits.

I'm glad your progressing with your recovery and I have to say your approach and diary are the most interesting on here.

Here's to june 28th 2014.

Hi Captain... and well done for achieving what you set out to achieve, keep it up. Must admit that when I read that you spend £200 a week on football bets... to me that sounds like a lot of money, but I guess its all relative. Just a thought but maybe if you reduce that a bit, then you can be debt free quicker.

Its good that you are finding other stuff to do to help cope with leading quite a self-contained life style. As you know I also lead a similar lifestyle.. not especially through choice but I find it hard to not be that way. I always need more time alone than the average person. I try not to use the word loner as it has such negative connotations.

Anyway happy new year to you and I hope you continue to achieve what you want to achieve. Regards... S.A

Hi Captain,

long time ...Hope everything is well with you?..I just want to say I understand your controlled gambling and it makes perfect sense to be able to control it. I can see that gambling is great for stress relief in a controlled manner. On the other hand, losing control is a whole different game. I will say by my own admissions in a very up to date post of mine that compulsive behaviour is learnt. Some will disagree..But from my own experiences and many others it is apparent.

Hey Captain, You mention you're a "loner" partly due to "circumstances". I'm curious as to what you mean exactly. And if you don't feel like answering... no problem. Wishing us all peace in 2014!

Hmmm.... It sounds to me like you had a lonely childhood. Those were the circumstances then but you can change if you really want to and if you are willing to try hard enough (at least that's what I keep telling myself... and trying to believe). Though I am an extrovert, have no trouble approaching and engaging almost anyone in conversation, I am very lonely on the inside and those conversations I do have tend to be superficial. Occasionally, I will allow someone glimpses into the real me but rarely. And so.. in many ways we are the same.... both "loners". I have learned that I am frequently just as lonely in a group of people as I am sitting alone at home and I was very lonely when I was married. I suppose it (the circumstances we create) has to do with a combo of self-esteem issues as well as having people in our lives with whom we share common interests, our upbringing and our genes. There! If I cover enough possible excuses, then we won't have to take responsibility for our circumstances ourselves! It is possible to change your circumstances, Captain. It starts with you.