Life With Sports Bets Only

Today my calf feels a bit better. I can't run but I go do some gym work.

I then watch one of my all time favourite films with tears in my eyes.

After lunch I finish one of my all time favourite books. Many parts of it bring lumps to my throat.

Then I go for a walk to a cherished spot which I haven't been to for a while. And at that point I GET IT. I remember the same thought that has kicked in in previous festive holiday periods - this period is about doing whatever is best for you. For me if that means living in nostalgia world and watching old movies and reading favourite books then what's wrong with that? - nothing.

Peer pressure and expectation expects that you have a big family Christmas dinner, you go to the Boxing Day sales, you go to a New Years Eve party and get drunk and spend the next day recovering. Well I don't do any of that but so what - I enjoy and get benefit from the things I do while off.

I am a compulsive gambler, a loner, an oddball and a rebel. Well go on tell the world, I don't care.

Every day I think about the best memories and achievements of my life from 30 years ago and I remember them with fondness and pride. I know I'll never achieve anything like them again but so what, I'm luckier than many.

And if I spend holiday time reminiscing and re-living then that's ok.

In 2013 I finally found the answer to stop random gambling. In 2014 at least I can embrace change and challenges without the risk of losing all my money and knowing my debts are reducing.

And I must swat away the peers and just be who I am and not think I should be conforming to the norm. Some of it I can't and some of it I simply don't want to.

Captain,

Good post and nice to hear that you have had a lovely day.

I wish you a Happy New Year and wish good things for you in 2014.

Tomso.

Just echoing Tomso there. Awesome post! Happy New Year to you Captain! -joan

Happy new year captain! Its my birthday 2moro. Always found it a sad day,a day when I'm usually drunk,I look back on wot I should of done.

What I've wasted,why I wasn't happily married etc.

The only pleasure was gambling,a double edged sword.

Somehow life has changed for me.even with my best intentions to f*** things up,life does change mate,all the best 2 u for 2014.

Screw peer pressure! I know that I'll likely be dancing with a shovel outside with my ipod on at midnight tonight (if I'm not sleeping, that is)!

So... what is your all time fav movie and all time fav book, anyway? Just curious and I know how much you like chatting...

Captain

Happy new year I wish you a fantastic 2014 ahead and hope your recovery goes from strength to strength, I still stick by my words with your diary despite everything that's come to light

Castle2

Tomso, Judy, Robby, Carla, Castle - thanks for the posts and a happy new year to you all and keep the recoveries going.

Best to you for 2014, Captain!

Well I have gone through a number of emotions in the past couple of weeks - stress, anxiety, disappointment, regret, envy, calm, peaceful and I now have apprehension - about returning to work on Monday.

Rather than being happy that I have another 4 days off, my thoughts are about going back into the real world on Monday. I'm not ready. I could benefit from more time off but that's not possible and would only prolong the inevitable. My positiveness and enthusiasm and get up and go throughout life has been based on achievement and success and winning. For a number of years I could no longer get that through sports participation. Gambling substituted. Now I can only get irregular middle of the road success from sports betting.

In the same way that Christmas Day wasn't great for myself and others due to me not living off a win, returning to work will be likewise.

I know having got through this 2 weeks without random gambling that I will be fine in that regard now. If I didn't crumble in this period I won't when I'm back in a work routine either.

My life issues I believe are now outside of my status as a compulsive gambler.

I am familiar with the dreaded back to work feeling and am also trying to stay positive and just be happy that I have 4 more days. I am really trying to train my mind to think more positively instead of immediately gravitating to the negative.

Captain

Fella thanks for the post on my thread, it is uncanny how similiar many of our traits, health, compulsive natures are shared.

My health has become a priority in my life, my own liver the source of interest as my urates are constantly high, leading to constant bouts of gout, which are less than pleasant!!

I hope you continue with your choosen path.

I too enjoy returning to old films and books from time to time.

Regards Duncan.

You wish you had more time to rest up and I wish I hadn't rested so much and gotten more done! I guess we're both looking for more balance.

Wasn't sure how I'd get through my 2 weeks off but in truth I've had a lot of benefit overall. Learnt a few things about myself and reminded myself of a few things I'd learnt before but forgotten.

The current me is not the real me. I have swatted the few urges I've had in the past 6 months and have learnt how to live without random gambling. I will continue on this path until I clear my debts. This will take a number of years.

The real me would rather still be gambling daily but I accept the necessary sentence which has been passed for my sin of being a compulsive gambler. I have learnt to live without random gambling but I cannot say I WANT to be without it.

When my debts are paid my gambling days may be so far behind me that I will have no interest. Alternatively the real me can dream about being able to random gamble years down the line in the hope that I can at that point manage to keep it under control.

Intersting post captain,- I've often thought the same thoughts in the past when abstaining,I've promised myself that once I've paid off my debts,accumalted some funds I would go back to gambling- because that was the real me,its when I felt alive.

I haven't made these promises to myself this time- I'm beginning to realise the real me is the non gambling me,the person I use to be years ago,before adulthood.

Perhaps captain,in time you will lose interest in gambling naturally like you have in horse racing.

My outlook on life has changed so much recently,bereavements have made me think,is all the s**t that gambling brings worth it,life is too short and I'm enjoyong being at peace with myself,gambling is no longer my king.

Well done on conquering a difficult period captain,good to be back to normality.

Well been back at work a week and back in usual routine in and out of work. Without being complacent I just don't see any chance of me random gambling now. If I got through my 2 weeks holidays without any urges that was the biggest test. I will now just continue with my prescribed weekly pattern.

In a more general sense I think I need to be honest with myself, not for the first time and just concede that a combination of bad life decisions, my circumstances and my age and narrow list of things which interest me mean that I have to just accept my life for what it is and doing anything new or different is very unlikely to happen.

Just be thankful for what I have and live on memories and keep reducing my debts.