Life With Sports Bets Only

Significant update today - for a few years now Monday to Friday when I get home from work I dont go out again - this has been part of my recovery plan - even if I lost money that day gambling at lunchtime or straight after work I never ventured out again after getting home.

Last night this changed, I decided to test myself. Having gone nearly 8 months without random gambling I ventured out.

I went in to 4 different bookies, watched a few races in each. I really felt like I couldnt have gambled even if I wanted to, which I didnt. I really feel random gambling is behind me. Yes I have talked in recent posts of an intention to get back to gambling in the bookmakers years down the line. But not right now, just couldnt. Like some food I used to enjoy which I am now allergic to.

At the moment I feel that I can see beyond the trees for the first time in years. At present however beyond the trees there is only empty space.

Hi captain. I've been reading your updates with interest recently. I didn't have anything significant to add but felt the comments that were left were very good.

When you say you ventured into 4 different bookies; Were you only watching the races or were you betting on them? When I was "random" gambling, it would often be triggered by losing first on sports and in particular horse racing. I would go "chasing," a term that I'm sure everyone here is familiar with.

Are you not concerned that just being in that environment will lead you back into your old habits? To be honest, I'm starting to feel that you're placing yourselves in more and more precarious positions. Not long ago, you talked about how you missed that feeling when you gambled. The buzz, the high you felt, feeling on top of the World. I don't know if you're sub-consciously putting yourself back into familiar territory in order to somehow end up where you were before. I don't know mate. Maybe I'm reading too much into this recent development of spending time in the bookies, but I'm really not sure what good can come from it.

You'll know what's best for you captain. I just hope you stay disciplined in what you've been doing recently. All the best and good luck!

Thanks for the post Martin. I thought my last post was clear but clearly not! I was in 4 bookies last night but didnt gamble. I couldnt have gambled even if I wanted to, can only describe again as random gambling being like something I used to eat and love but am now allergic to.

I used to chase losses from sport by random gambling but no inclination to do that in the past 8 months. I have totally separated the types of gambling.

I feel I can now go into bookies should I choose as often as I like without random gambling.

I do miss the buzz and the thrills and spills but have learned to live without it.

I think the trouble is I have been so used to dropping in to the bookies for 30 years to gamble that I still go in now even though I'm not gambling. Familiar environment, feel comfortable there, only place I go when out other than library, odd game of snooker, gym, coffee shop.

A few have doubted when I say this but I have researched and considered alternate pursuits for 6 years and come up with nothing. I am simply a guy with very few interests and I am broadly a loner. This is just who I am and the reduction and removal of gambling makes no difference. In fact it is worse as I cannot now take an interest in watching Live sport which took up a lot of my time. I dont bet individual football matches, only 1 or 2 accas per week.

So I spend most of my time reading and watching TV at home. When I go out whether it be lunchtime or weekends I ivariably drop into a bookies, just habit and nowhere else where I want to go. May change over time.

An interesting day. An intended comical remark based on an observation and linked phrase on another thread is perceived as a 'trigger'. A statement of fact is then seen as an 'opinion' and a 'debate'. Either those involved are of low intellect or choose to bend words to throw darts at me.

Either way, not something to bother about. Also inadvertently it appears I have strengthened some peoples resolve as regards their attitude to gambling. This may help their recovery. Big smile. Well done me.

I'll continue to avoid diaries who live in a deluded world and read those which are honest with their selves. My recovery continues in full force. This time next week will be 8 months random gambling free.

Hey captain,

Firstly, congratulations on your continued abstinence - 8 months is certainly somewhere I want to be in te coming months and way beyond! Well done.

re your post on Duncs thread earlier today, maybe it's the sensitivity of recovery, maybe it's the difficulties we face daily abstaining, or maybe it's just the ease in which an attempt at humour can easily be misinterpreted from the original intent when it's delivered remotely........whichever one it is or any other variant, it wasn't accepted the way you meant it to and has caused angst for the recipient......or maybe less so for him and more so for others in his life.

I'm not throwing any darts at you and I'm not of any IQ levels higher or lower than the next guy, I'm just recognising how difficult this is for every single one of us and don't think we need any reason to be feeling rubbish about ourselves due to posts and threads. The support network on here is great - let's maintain that without animosity or bitterness.

I hope you take my post with the positive intent in which it was written.

Keep fighting your fight and I hope you continue to win.

Take care,

Mr Brightside

Morning Captain,

Thanks for the post on my diary and for the understanding. It's so important that we all appreciate that each individual recovery journey has to be tailored to our own needs but that vitally, however it looks, it works.

It's great that yours is working for you in the same way that Duncs is working for him and mine for me. When it comes to putting posts on other users diaries I can be less conscious of what I am saying because my recovery approach is more standard, or "vanilla" if you like, and typically conforms with the "norms" of complete abstinence. I guess though that with yours involving elements of gambling, and a more "raspberry ripple" flavour, it puts you in the precarious position of having to be really tuned in to the recovery path being taken by the recipient. If it is a journey of no gambling whatsoever, I can understand why users of the forum would potentially feel confused as to how someone discussing a 33/1 winner romping home could be interpreted as being supportive and encouraging. I suppose in the same way as you would feel perplexed if you were a recovering alcoholic by someone posting on your diary as to how they enjoyed 10 pints of Guinness last night and as they did so were thinking about you.

I'm delighted that we've got this forum to support each other and be supported ourselves.......but even more so that we have the maturity to debate the tougher stuff and the humility to accept the views of others.

Take care captain and keep in control!

Mr Brightside

Hi captain I was just wondering if by any chance you could just talk about your continued abstinence from random gambling on this forum and maybe talk about your bets you do place and your visits to the bookies on maybe a betting forum would that not make sense??

I know the rules say you can talk about controlled gambling on here and if you have to continue to do that then thats your perogative.

But im asking you as one cg to another cg could you please try because we both know the majority of cgs couldnt go into four bookies and watch a couple of races and by them reading you saying that could play tricks with their brain and set them back.

It comes across sometimes that you romanticise about gambling again I think maybe a betting forum is the place for that type of talk its just were all so vulnerable on here especially in the early days.

I know we dont have to read your diary captain but its kinda impossible as you do pop up a lot and get involved in quite a lot of discussions and debates. Your message to duncanmc

yesterday was very unusual but look thats just my opinion I suppose what im trying to say is even if I dont read your diary I still seen your message to duncanmc so I still hear about you in the bookies if you know what I mean.

So if you cant stop talking about the bookies and your love of everyting in the bookies maybe you would just do it on your own diary maybe thats a compromise we could reach.

I wish you well captain I really do I just ask you to be mindful that some people on here are struggling bigtime and we should all be trying to be as sensitive and careful as we can be to try and avoid triggering people into maybe having a relapse from this devastating addiction.

Have a good day captain

I am usually the loner in the gym who just goes in and does his workout and doesnt speak to anyone. This morning I had a a conversation with a stranger. Is this down to my recovery and feeling more comfortable with myself? I think so.

Great to feel able to bet if I want to, and not to when I dont, and to restrict to football accas only. Million miles away from getting urges every day, feeling compelled to bet and gambling being the number one thing in my life, all encompassing, a bet being the only thing that mattered. So glad I dont think like that these days.

No bet today. Havent had a bet on a Monday, Wednesday, Thursday or Sunday for 8 months.

Really pleased I can now go into the bookies and watch races without feeling an urge to bet on them. Big thanks to user ex-gambler Jeff for that. He watched racing and bet with match sticks as pretend bets as part of his recovery. I didnt understand that at the time. I do now. Cheers Jeff.

Just finished reading a book written by a famous compulsive gambler. Many parallels with me (other than the famous part !)

The number of times where he had a sum of money which could have made a difference to his life only to blow it gambling. On separate occassions When he had £1000 he thought he could turn it into £2000, £4000 into £8000 etc. It meant having to cancel holidays, sell houses, borrow money from family etc. all too familiar.

Really good to see young people in their 20s on here realising they have a problem and doing something about it. Why does it take so many of us so much longer?

For me:

I had savings in the bank for no particular reason - £4000 - the gambling bug bit me and I lost it all - then won it back - big shock to my system - said never again...I lost the £4000 again.

I then got into an overdraft position which got out of control. The nice bank manager gave me a loan to sort it out - I said never again....

Years later after being continually in an overdraft position, multiple loans, use of credit cards, cashed in insurance policies, borrowed and stolen money I'd said never again so many times....

I never thought I could win back losses from my own disposable income but I always believed like the guy in the book that I could turn sums of money into double or more and often I could and did but of course it could never last. I had the knowledge and ability but not the discipline - compulsive gamblers dont.

But I always knew I'd have to pay back all that I borrowed in all the different ways so the breaking or turning point when I really said 'never again' was when I was eventually faced with a choice of an IVA or remortgage. That point made me finally admit ~I had a compulsion I couldnt control.

Earlier that day I had £1000, trying to turn it into £2000, still fighting against the inevitable.

What was the name of the book Captain?

Cheers Captain. I'll add it to my kindle. I was actually vaguely aware of Steve Paterson's problems, but perhaps wrongly, thought the majority of his problems stemmed from alcohol.

Thanks for the post captain,you truly have been a great support ever since I've been on here.

My problem is deep rooted like yours as u say.mainly because ive been a cg all my adult life,I don't know any different,that's why I find it so hard.

No dis-respect but I haven't got any under lying issues,I've been very lucky,I have everything in life,just seem hell bent on risking everything for what?

I need cold turkey,I've tried to cut down like yourself,I've found it eventually always snowballs.

My problem is I logically think I can win.

I havent the time or energy to study horses,you need so much info,that's why I've used tipsters in the past.

Latest chap I've been following was free,he had 38 max bets last year,21 won yealding a profit of 2600 for a 100 stake.

This was my latest thinking in cutting down like yourself,eradicating all the fun bets,sports in running bets,all of my own selections and just wagering 40 times a year for a profit. Trouble was the first 2 bets both lost,that's me and him 200 down,I need that 200 back now. Not next week,month.

I gamble for gain,and when things go t**s up I hit the panic button,the boundaries go out the window.

I gota completley different world now,life has changed,I got big reesponsibiltys,gambling stakes are so much more now,every thing gets so intense whilst gambling,I have to stop completley.

Thanks again for your kind support.

Sorry for any spelling mistakes,I can't hardly see this phone,need glasses- more exspense!

There are many reasons and driving forces people quote to try and avoid gambling. For many it helps so much to think about loved ones and friends and family who have suffered and this can be really helpful and is admirable and I have used that method myself.

But for me the biggest deterrent is to keep in mind the feeling which you get when you walk away having been completely out of control and having lost all of your money - again. And the feeling when you really can't remember all your bets and amounts and you have to wait for bank and credit card statements to come in to see how much you actually lost. Then the feeling of having to borrow more money to consolidate or to just simply survive.

Then on top of all that comes the feeling and the impact on others and the grief and devastation on their faces and wrecked lives.

Keep these feelings bottled inside you - best deterrent ever.

8 months done, 4 to go.

Hi Captain

Good to see you knocked my diary to the front pages (i dont come on here as often these days)and im glad i have helped you in your recovery its been great working alongside you.

you seem to be in a happy place these days and controlling you sports bets well.I myself am in a much better place than i was 4 and a half years ago when i first visited these diaries.It was good reading that i offered unconditional support both to yourself and others,which is what i have always tried to do.Reading through your recent posts and entries,you still have pro and anti supporters,but hey everyone didnt agree with my way of recovery (everyone to their own).These days i dont bother to tune in to channel 4 on a saturday afternoon,but if its on ill watch it.i will tape the festival in a couple of weeks just out of interest.to be honest it my 5th year of none gambling now and i dont recognise half the names lol.Gambling doesnt play a part in my life,but sport plays a bigger part than ever,i really enjoy watching all sports especially football.so im not going to let gambling take away my enjoyment.its had enough of my life.

Always good to hear from you kid.keep your chin up.All the best Jeff.

Nothing I can think of which would make me feel happy today. Just feel empty and miserable. Days like this are a nightmare but I just need to get through them.