Life With Sports Bets Only

Went into the bookmakers today. Well I do most days, it's just force of habit and it helps my recovery to be able to go in and watch a few races and not bet on them. Continue to prove to myself I can do this. This has worked for 10 months now. Sometimes I have a little urge to gamble, today I was totally relaxed and so far away from gambling, it was a good feeling. Even when I have a slight urge in the bookmakers it is never strong enough to act on.

So when I am in the bookmakers there is no chance of me random gambling. There are however still times when I wish I could go back to random gambling in a controlled way, but I have these thoughts at home or at work, never while in the bookmakers. Strange.

Today I bumped into a fellow compulsive gambler who I haven't seen for a while. We have known each other in bookies for over 20 years and had many gambling chats. I don't know his name, he doesn't know mine, many of you will no doubt have had similar acquaintances.

He tells me he lost 2500 yesterday and another 1500 today. I sympathise of course, I listen to his bad luck stories. That used to be me I think to myself. He admits he has a gambling problem, but he has never sought to do anything about it. He just accepts that is who he is and that's what he does.

I was like that for many years, knowing in my heart I had a problem, but my head telling me it was my destiny, just who I was, God's plan for me. 6 years ago God changed his plan and told me to start recovering and changing. I listened. I've got there. Part of me hopes my plan is altered at some point and I can be more involved in gambling again without losing all my money. But in the meantime my visits to the bookmakers to watch only will continue and I will keep saying no to random gambling.

Thanks for your thoughts Klamm

In my opinion the point of the Forum is to allow us to share common problems and arrest them.

Arresting your problems however doesn't necessarily mean you can dramatically change your life for the better or increase your confidence. Depends on your circumstances and what effect gambling has had on your life and what other factors you need to take into account.

If stopping gambling has had such a positive effect for you I'm pleased for you but it doesn't work that way for everyone.

Deterrents can play a part in helping a compulsive gambler. I have experimented with self exclusion, not carrying cards and little cash and cutting up credit cards and others have done similar with computer blockers and getting others to look after cash.

I do not believe a compulsive gambler should be over praised for achieving recovery and abstinence. Yes recovery is hard but at the same time one must admit weakness and guilt and embarrassment in the first place.

I am however really pleased that I have been able to reach the recovery stage I have without permanent reliance on any blockers. That tells me my recovery is solid. Were I still relying on crutches of self exclusion and not carrying a card etc I would feel weak and that I didn't have enough strength and enough trust in myself and my revised state of mind.

I have access to thousands of pounds every day but I don't random gamble anymore.

Target of 1 year on 28th June getting closer.

Well it has certainly been a while since I have been here , Captain46 I am pleased for you that you are now in a good place .....

Kim x

Thanks Kim, good to hear from you.

In a good place in terms of being able to abstain from random gambling.

Based on my general life situation, nothing has changed. Difficult convincing many on here that not everyone finds life wonderful after abstinence. That may apply when gambling was their problem, not when gambling was a way of escaping from a mundane life which is difficult to change.

Some of the descriptions of peoples lives on here where they make out their life is wonderful just sound to me like normal everyday life with nothing special. Think they are just relieved and thankful not to be gambling and so dress their lives up to be better than what they really are. I guess fair enough if that helps them.

Hi Captain, not entirely fair to be honest on everyones life been wonderful now we don't gamble. I envy what your doing but I really don't what to mess with my abstiance(scared of going back) life is not wonderful multiple stressful situations. However my ability to cope seems better without gambling but when I did gamble I would ignore how these events made me feel/think/act. Anyway good luck on coming up to 1 year. I enjoy your diary in a sadistic way but I realise your journey is not mine when my heads in the right place. I do honestly think what your doing is tougher but hey ho.

11 months done one to go. Still making bad decisions and mistakes but no random gambling. Got to get better at decisions and eradicate mistakes from my life startng today.

Just when you think your recovery is going well, something comes along and kicks you in the teeth.

Just heard that an ex work colleague is taking a career break and travelling the world for a year.

This could have been me. Not the actual travelling per se but the concept of having the mortgage paid off and having lots of savings to enable me to even consider doing something like that.

Having lost 600,000 gambling and accumulated 200,000 of debt over the years, had I not become a gambling addict, I could easily have been in a situation where I was mortgage free and had lots of additional money to use as I pleased.

Its one thing being happy with my own recovery and knowing via being on here that there are lots of others in the same position but then you hear about something like this and real life kicks in and I really realise what an idiot I have been and how my life could have been so much better.

Cant turn the clock back. Can only congratulate those who manage to be strong and deal with life's issues and be happy and live life normally and not be consumed by an addiction.

captain

keep lookin forward the past is the past we all have made mistakes , its very easy to get way laid with it all which ultimately doesn't do us any good

will be a year of no random gambling for you coming up and that's fantastic for your recovery and a great achievement , as always recovery is bespoke and you have done it your way

I'm really pleased its working for you

castle2

Very stressful week this week but dealing with it 'normally' without the use of gambling as an escape or a crutch - I just dont consider it as an option these days although I wish I could - it definitely helped relieve stress many times in the past but of course short-term and I ended up losing all my money eventually. Just really wish I could have kept it under control.

Reading a few diaries recently the topic comes up where people realise that gambling isnt worth it as they cant make money from it. My view is that anyone thinking that way is still at a relatively early stage of their recovery thought process. Although anyone likes to feel the buzz of a win, its not about the money, its not about making a profit. Ultimately, anyone spending most of their time gambling is trying to fill a void in life. They are using it as an escape or to experience feelings they cannot derive from normal life. Anyone recovering has to reach that stage of thinking and then work towards living without gambling which causes problems in their life and then be able to change their mindset to be able to live without it.

Realising you cannot make money from gambling isnt enough to arrest the addiction.

Agreed on money issue but of course it's a delusional reason to keep going. Well done on your year. I agree on levels of addiction but the mistake we may fall into is equating those levels to money. Some may have fallen comparatively more but lost less. I lost more than most on here but looking back I had serious issues when I was losing my money in University but the progression to mental instability was unreal. Last October I am not going into it but I was in a bad place I could of kept going money wise but head wise I was in a bad place. I still want to gamble but I could not face where I was again. I hope I always remember this but I will take where I am for now.

Michael & Klamm - thanks for your posts, much appreciated.

Yet another major tournament and another disappointment for England - watching England games are one of the few sporting activities I can watch without a bet. The disappointment comes purely from the heart as opposed to because of financial loss.

Well I have now done 1 year random gambling free, many times over my 6 year recovery I didn't think I could do this.

I'd like to say special thanks to the following users on this Forum for helping me achieve this milestone with their continued support and good positive communications at various points over my 4 and a half years on here - ex-gambler Jeff, ANL, Russ1, Jasmine, Curly10, winningpost, Kim, Castle2, D123, Klamm, Robbybox.

My route has been different to the majority but essential for me. I have cut out my problem areas of gambling one by one over the 6 year period and retained the parts which cause me no issues.

Unfortunately there was a 25 year period of gambling which got progressively more compulsive before I realised and admitted I had a problem. Huge losses of over 600,000 happened and debts over and above that of over 200,000 were accumulated. I have now arrested the problem and debts are reducing. Still 8 years of paying debts to go though.

I wouldn't recommend my recovery route to anyone but it was the only way for me. My problems were more deep rooted than most and that in association with my determined aim not to have to stop all gambling was always going to make recovery longer and more challenging.

I recommend anyone young to arrest their problems immediately and look to stop all gambling and it's good to see many on here trying to do that. The longer your compulsion goes on the more difficult it is to admit a problem and do something about it. Also my view is that the older you are, the more likely it is that your life circumstances are such that removal of gambling problems alone does not make your life better.

Compulsive gamblers over a long period have turned to gambling as an escape or to fill a missing void in their life. Removal of problem gambling from their lives does nothing to fill the void. They must face up to living their lives without the crutch and without the escape. That's what I have done. It doesn't mean life is better generally but reducing debts and not having stress and worry and sleepless nights over money problems is a positive.

Some may find alternative coping mechanisms to gambling to help them get through life. Some may even find alternative ways of getting a similar buzz to what gambling provides. I think those are in the minority.

Generally compulsive gamblers fill a void in their lives and that void may be self-created or may be just down to bad luck and circumstances.

Everyone is individual and must find their own way of recovery. This Forum is a great place with lots of support and has helped me immensely. Counselling and reading books also helped a lot. A combination of those over a long period helped me re-train my brain and develop new routines and ways of passing time. This means I now have a very robotic life which means doing very much the same things at same times on same days but it's better than the robotic random gambling.

Final note to all trying to recover - look for all the help you can - on here, counselling, reading books, self-exclusion, gamblers anonymous whatever helps but choose the route which helps YOU - don't be led down a path which tells you there is only one way of recovering and that if you slip up you are a bad person who has gone back to Day One. Those who preach that message are only trying to recruit followers to loft themselves higher in a hypothetical pyramid which enhances their self-given leadership status to boost their own ego.

Also there is no need for compulsive gamblers to have a hatred of the gambling industry and to believe all gambling is bad. For the majority of gamblers it is a harmless pastime which only results in the gambler spending some of their disposable income in that way as opposed to in some other way. Compulsive gamblers cannot stay in control and limit their spending but we should acknowledge that most gamblers can.

There are many ways to recover but whichever route is chosen need not include an opinion of all gambling being evil.

I now need to spend some time considering whether I need to make any further changes in my recovery and in my life in general. In doing so I will continue to take an objective view of the recovery of others and of non-compulsive gamblers.

Any changes I make will not include a return to random gambling. My brain is fully trained to avoid that route.

Hi Captain

Just want to say very well done on reaching your milestone of one year

It doesn't really matter what routes we all take as long as we are achieving our goals and and getting to where we want to be

Suzanne x

Cap,

We don't speak anymore partly due to the ignorant and arrogant side of my personality that surfaced once again during a bad time of my life due to continued gambling ruining me as a person. Tonight, in a better frame of mind, I take my hat off to you and say "well done". You did it your way and you have done a fabulous job.

Tomso.