Life With Sports Bets Only

captain46 wrote:

My time has come to stop. Life will never be the same again. Acceptance.

Hi captain,

Don't listen to those who would want to drag you down because you don't want to do things they way they do them. However, I do think that trying complete abstinence from betting might yield some different results for you. After all, if you don't try it, you don't know how it will come out. I have many of the same urges as you, just one or two bets of a fiver on a weekend wouldn't be a problem for me, but I can never hold it just to that.

Anyway mate, keep us posted on how you find this different choice and how it affects you.

Ryan

Hi Captain46

I've been on this forum since Jan 13 so remember your previous bouts of posting very well. The furore which you were at the centre of. I thought the attacks on you were unfair. I found your intransigence over controlled gambling frustrating and your 'rationalising' chilling to read at times. But you were always respectful and polite so I never got the hounding which you took at times.

This post is huge of judgements. Some might be off the mark, I apologise in advance.

It strikes me that your previous attempt to cold turkey were hampered by a lack of change in other areas. Addiction makes our worlds very small. We stop doing things and connecting with people and doing stuff we value. We've still got a load of stuff going on in our heads. But in terms of what we do, we become small. The bookies have become most of your life.

My poison was slots - which are entirely mindless. For you it's sports. This is somewhat less mindless, it requires studying form and thus knowledge and attention to detail. My poison was a purely loner activity. Yours involves some camraderie, through meeting staff and other punters. So I can see that if your life is lacking elsewhere, that suddenly your addiction holds a kind of 'rational' appeal.

If you just quit, without taking concrete steps to improve your life outside the bookie, then abstention becomes a terrible struggle. You've lost a source of camraderie and an interest (however dubious) and replaced it with nothing.

It seems like you are lonely and that you lack interests. This will be familiar to most addicts. But there is an alternative. It involves stepping outside of your comfort zone and making moves to engage in healthier ways of living.

This does not mean: going on a silent yoga retreat or doing contemporary dance. It does mean either reigniting, or discovering interests outside of gambling and making moves towards that. It might be stuff that other people find boring, it doesn't matter, it's whatever you want. Maybe there's a neighbour you have a chat to that you could get to know better.

Obviously I can't go through all the possibilities, because the options are litereally ENDLESS.

It's too easy to do dry gambling, without bringing about wider positive changes, and then dismiss abstention as a failure.

Wish you well.

Louis

Tommy/PJC/Ryan/Louis - thanks for posts, just read them today, didnt intend to be back on here, have got limited benefit from my time back on here over the last 6 weeks or so and thought I should just try and get on with it myself but now feel I need to report my position.

Firstly just in terms of specifics re your posts guys - Tommy - your post taken as you intended it to be in a helpful positive manner, thank you. re addressing 'other stuff', I think I successfully managed to do most of that in my 3 year period where I was ok but there are a few areas I need to address to avoid complacency and remind myself of the things in life which are most important so I'll be working on those.

PJC/Ryan - thanks for your support and value your views.

Louis - I think you have probably been well tuned to my diary over the years and you understand and describe me and my position pretty well. I appreciate what you say in terms of the many other things I could do in my life but believe me I have spent countless hours on my own and via counselling considering a long list of other stuff and some sort of combination of my personality, circumstances and extremely limited and narrow interest areas makes it very difficult to identify things. I'm talking about having reviewed and considered things over a number of years during my recovery.

So on to my current position. I came to a decision of trying a period of complete abstinence. I placed a bet on Friday for the Saturday football. I havent bet on anything for the last 4 days. My feelings are very similar to other times I have tried this. not only can I remember the feelings I have checked and they are documented in earlier years of my diary on here.

Its not that over the last 4 days I have wanted to place a bet. I've just missed the involvement. I would normally be looking at football fixtures and reviewing form and looking ahead to the week's Golf tournaments. ( Over the last 3 years before my meltdown relapse in October I go it down to betting only on Football and Golf - eliminating all other sports and horse racing gradually )

Over that period I would always bet on football at the weekend but only some midweeks. I would bet on the 4 golf majors but only on other tournaments about once a month. So my level of gambling wasnt high and my stakes were affordable and not out of control and not chasing losses - all of that has only occured over the years when I have ventured into 'random gambling'.

So by stopping betting on Football and Golf what will I gain? Financially - not a great deal. Timewise - I'll gain a lot of time to fill but with what I dont know. ( Over the last 4 days I have almost finished reading a book which would normally have taken me about 10 days to finish. So a life of working, eating, sleeping, going to the gym, reading books, watching TV. )

Also over the last 4 days I have less of an appetite but have slept more. I have been irritable. I have broken a couple of ornaments. I have had an argument with a work colleague. These are all symptoms of my non-involvement. These sort of things have occured in the past.

No conclusion but thats how I am at the moment.

Cap,

I haven't been on here in quite a while but for some reason I logged on and found your diary. I sympathise with your recent relapse and hope you can forgive yourself and move on from this.

You are very much your own person and although I always followed your diary sometimes I would crack up at your views and stupidly voiced my opinions on your diary which was wrong. Now, I appreciate your opinions and your bespoke methods. You are an intelligent man and you try to find a solution to your problems that eradicates the bad gambling and let's you participate in proportional gambling with minimal negative effects. That couldn't possibly work for the majority but perhaps for a small minority. I no longer judge but instead wish you happiness and peace.

If I may, without judging, I liken your method to a nicotine addict who tries to quit smoking during the week but allowing for a few at the weekend. He will never allow himself to eradicate nicotine addiction from his life. He will sadly face withdrawal symptoms during the week and relieve these at the weekend. Prolonging his pain. Living in an endless world of doubt. As I say, it couldn't work for me.

I have stopped gambling for about two and a half years now. Staying with the smoking example above - I probably think about gambling the way an ex smoker with 2.5 years of freedom from nicotine thinks about smoking - the occasional thought. It might only last for one second before I smile and thank my lucky stars that I don't have to do that anymore.

I'm rambling rubbish now. Anyway, I like you. I find you to be an interesting character who isn't afraid to voice his opinions no matter how controversial or with fear of how they may be received. Your contribution is vital and was always well valued by me and many others.

I wish you well and hope for great things for you.

Kind regards,

Tomso.

Thanks for the post Tomso, good to hear from you and you have given me some nice words, much appreciated.

We didnt always agree on everything in the past and had some interesting exchanges but I respect you and I congratulate you on your 2 and a half years gamble free.

It would have taken a while to search out your diary and I'm typing about myself anyway so more appropriate to use my own. I'm hoping you read this soon and maybe you have some further thoughts which may help me?

I really am in a bad position now, my own fault for going back to random gambling in October but in a 10 day binge I have added a year at least to my debts, which I was comfortable paying off over 6 years. It isnt as simple as paying over 7. I cant consolidate or re-mortgage again without my credit rating being trashed. I already went through 6 years of that 2007-2013 and simply cant do that again plus my age is against me.

So I have a year of paying double per month that I have been towards debts before resuming the 6 years to go.

Tomso from what I remember you realised you had everything you wanted in your wife and family and a decent job and able to play football at a (relatively) old age. I believe you played amateur football at a decent level. Its a common theme on here that people have a 'life' that they can turn to when they stop gambling. I dont.

I'm not in any way looking for sympathy on this. An injury put paid to my participation in competitive sport which led to not wanting to watch it either (unless I had a bet on it) - I looked at it the same at 30 as I did at 5 that I watched football then I played myself, when no longer able to do the magic went.

But the injury is the only thing that has been bad luck. The other factors which have led me to my current position are all bad life choices made by me - result is no kids, no close family, those I did have have shunned me after finding out about my gambling and debts etc.

People go on about lots of choices of things to do when you stop gambling but I have repeated this many times on here - I have searched and thought about stuff for many many hours but there is nothing which really appeals or my circumstances wont allow it. So stopping gambling involvement simply means watching more TV or reading more books. Its not the actual gambling - thats now down to 300-500 on a Saturday and some Tuesday and Wednesday nights tracking football scores in the main - its all the time I spend reviewing results and studying form. So your scenario about the comparison with a smoker isnt quite right as I get 'a cigarette' every day on the basis of planning gambling without losing any money.

My revised debt scenario means I can only play with very small stakes anyway, but I would retain involvement. On the other hand, I could just think ' its not worth it for small stakes' and become more of a TV fan, find more programmes and as I say read more books.

Looking for an honest opinion from you on which route you think provides more benefit. I know people say when you stop completely it opens your eyes to other stuff but I really feel I have reviewed other options already during the years and particularly during my 3 years when I was ok before my relapse. But if I didnt study form, would there be other stuff for me to consider? Are there things you have realised about yourself and things you have done differently over your 2 and a half years or have you (just) realised that your wife and family and other recreational activity is enough and that you dont need or want gambling but there hasnt been anything new?

I didnt use Gamcare for over 2 years until my relapse in October. If you dont need medicine, you dont go to the Doctor. In October and November I used the Netline and my diary a lot and was on chat a lot. I havent updated my diary for a few weeks and was on chat for the first time in a while last night. I browse the Forum every few days. This is progress, not needing as much support. My aim would be to naturally back away from Gamcare again but not setting any specific target dates. Good that I dont need as much medicine now. Better when I dont need any.

Happy to support others if I can when I am still on here but opportunities are limited as I dont want anyone to go down a route of controlled gambling on certain things just because I am. I've always said complete abstinence is the best option if someone wants to and can do that and there are many others on here in a better position than me to give support on that.

I do however have 8 years experience of recovery and I am well versed in all the strategies and support options in general as well as a methodical way of breaking down the different parts of ones gambling and dealing with them one at a time. Not everyone will succeed going 'cold turkey' and the breakdown method was vital for me.

Not getting anything from interaction with the Forum these days, nothing worthwhile posting for myself and not in a position where I feel I can support others. Every time I log on to chat its just repetitive stuff that I've heard before, no surprise after so many years on here I guess. I think my situation is too unique to be able to easily empathise with others. Perhaps need to look at alternative means of support.

Just a view - if you are recovering from an addiction - whatever the poison - isnt't recovery going to be repetitive? I'm only asking politely - so please don't respond in a hostile way plus this is your diary - but what do you think or hope you should be getting out of the chatroom/forum? Best wishes, Phil.

Thanks for post Phil, yes I agree addiction recovery is bound to be repetitive and not meaning to be negative against the Forum or anyone on chat. Just reflecting that after many years on here, the fact that I am a loner, and have chosen a recovery path which results in still being involved in gambling after reducing and eliminating gambling types which were problematic to me, I don't find many if anyone on here who is similar and it's hard to get benefit without some commonality. Also seems I am on my own when I say I do not see benefit from a life after recovery, but have continually posted this over the years. I never thought reduction in gambling would benefit anything other than my finances and that's how it has turned out. I am too old with too many mistakes and some unfortunate circumstances to be able to start life over again. When I first joined the Forum I was more confident, posted much more and got a lot out of chat. However I also encountered a lot of opposition to my views and fell out with a lot of people so retreated into my shell a bit and went about my recovery in my own way. Not sure what next step is now, I have done lots of counselling as well, I still need support but don't think this is the place to get it at the moment.

captain46 wrote:

Not getting anything from interaction with the Forum these days, nothing worthwhile posting for myself and not in a position where I feel I can support others. Every time I log on to chat its just repetitive stuff that I've heard before, no surprise after so many years on here I guess. I think my situation is too unique to be able to easily empathise with others. Perhaps need to look at alternative means of support.

Hello Captain. I get ya on a lot of what you say there and if you do come up with alternatives. Please share.

But possibly seeing your situation as somewhat unique is maybe something that's holding you back from living a life without the chain and ball of addictions ?

captain46 wrote:

Thanks for post Phil, yes I agree addiction recovery is bound to be repetitive and not meaning to be negative against the Forum or anyone on chat. Just reflecting that after many years on here, the fact that I am a loner, and have chosen a recovery path which results in still being involved in gambling after reducing and eliminating gambling types which were problematic to me, I don't find many if anyone on here who is similar and it's hard to get benefit without some commonality. Also seems I am on my own when I say I do not see benefit from a life after recovery, but have continually posted this over the years. I never thought reduction in gambling would benefit anything other than my finances and that's how it has turned out. I am too old with too many mistakes and some unfortunate circumstances to be able to start life over again. When I first joined the Forum I was more confident, posted much more and got a lot out of chat. However I also encountered a lot of opposition to my views and fell out with a lot of people so retreated into my shell a bit and went about my recovery in my own way. Not sure what next step is now, I have done lots of counselling as well, I still need support but don't think this is the place to get it at the moment.

Apologies Captain, now I understand the unique part.

I've begrudgingly admired your perseverance in your ' unique ' recovery and not quivering to the sometimes harsh treatment you've had for your unwavering stance in a life with no random betting.

But, please give me your thoughts in how is your life when you manage to sustain that none random gambling life stile ? I've also became quite a loner in life, and there seems a bit of common ground on this forum with long term diarists. We're not designed to be alone .....

There's a saying don't cut your nose off to spite your face .

Stick around you're never to old to learn new tricks

Bw

Do you honestly believe you have chosen a 'recovery path'? I don't think you have, it looks to me like you think you are better than your addiction. Maybe that is the reason why you are still floundering? Why you would ever consider a non-gambling forum a place for support to continue gambling is kind of beyond me & yes, you are going to hear the same old stuff over & over because that's the nature of addiction.

We're never too old to learn 'new tricks' but you don't appear to have ever given yourself the chance, thinking you can do it your way! 'Our' way got us into the mess, people in the rooms taking bits & not committing to the tried & tested program seem to struggle way more than those who have admitted that gambling has them beat & are working the steps!

You may be too old to start life again but don't be too stubborn to give yourself the best chance you can @ improving this one!

Sorry but IMO what you describe is "terminal uniqueness".

Why exactly are you different to everyone else with an addiction and why do different rules apply to you? More importantly, do these different rules actually work for you? Are you happier for following them? Financially secure? Are your relationships with those around you better for following them?

Or do people who are (or becoming) long term gamble free and working on self improvement via counselling and or Steps, do such people have something that eludes you?

CW.

Volcano - thanks for post and acknowledge that you are also one of the long standing members on here. During my abstinence from random gambling, the only improvement in my life is financial. With random gambling I could blow all the money I had in one day and eventually did at some point each month or alternative month. With placing only advance bets on sport I am only gambling fixed amounts which I can afford to lose. Unfortunately I had a major relapse back to random gambling in October and still suffering from that in different ways. Deano - I don't think there are any new tricks to learn I think I have covered them all during my time on here. ODAAT - trust you mean well but I don't think we have corresponded much before - I have chosen a different recovery path from standard for a multitude of reasons, I have made huge steps over a very long period and have no wish to take the standard approach, I just need to get to a place where my life is better without gambling and I haven't been able to get there and not sure if I ever can. Gambling plays a very small role in my life now.