Life With Sports Bets Only

CW - yes terminal uniqueness is probably a good description! I am much better following years of recovery and my financial position much better than it once was. Gamcare do support controlled gambling, not everyone has to follow the standard complete abstinence path. FYI I have undertaken bouts of counselling and much studying as well as being on here for years. I am simply saying at this point I'm not sure Gamcare can do any more for me and pointing out as some others have before that life after out of control gambling doesn't suddenly become wonderful and for some it never will.

I'm a great believer in the individual path but I genuinely want my journey to be a happy one (realistically) which it hasn't been recently. Just a question and I don't mean to be intrusive Captain: Do you think you may suffer from depression? Phil

Yes Phil I have suffered from mild depression at various times in my life, have never had to be off work and always able to stay fit and healthy and do all the essential things but have had trouble moving forward with my life, some of that is related to gambling addiction, some of it other issues.

You mention the word recovery a lot, would be interested to hear what your definition of recovery is?

Not rising to the bait Dan, you have made it obvious previously you oppose my methods so no point in us wasting time doing any communication. Please don't post on my diary again.

Picked this up on another site, someone quoted that they read this before going to bed each night:

Gambling does not bring me pleasure.
Gambling destroyed my happiness and damaged my health and my relationships.
Gambling made me do things that I would not normally do.
It affected my personality and my values.
I have debts because of gambling.
I may have won sometimes, but I have nothing to show for it.
Each win is just a set up for a fall. A win makes me think it is easy to win again, so all I do is give the money back and end up chasing my losses.
Winning only keeps me locked in the cycle of losing. If I can let go of my losses, and accept what I have done, I can move forward.
If I cannot accept my losses, I will keep myself in this trap forever.
I will not listen to the voices that tell me to gamble.
If I gamble, I will likely lose. If I win, I will only give it back. There is no point in prolonging this anymore. I want to let it go.

Gambling made me weak, it made me feel that I am nothing without it, like I can’t go through life without leaning on it, and turning to it when things get tough.
Gambling stole away my time, my money and my life.
If I let it, gambling will steal away my future.
I will not let that happen.
I can change this.

I am better than this and I deserve to be happy.
I am in control of my own life and my own choices.
I can choose not to gamble.

I am stronger without gambling.
I do not need it.
I am freeing myself from this horrible addiction. I am not giving up something fun, because it has harmed me.
Without gambling I am free to enjoy life.
I will not gamble again because I choose happiness.

It's a good quote . A lot of truth . Thanks for sharing - going to copy it to my diary

I love that quote Captain and have enjoyed reading your diary. Best wishes, Phil

Hi Cap, thanks for the post, I'm going to read that every day to start with and hope it focuses my mind on the right things. This is my day 1 yet again!

Hi Captain.

Cheers for popping by and offering support to me a few weeks back. I'm sorry I have not replied until now but I've been awfully busy gambling! It's really not a laughing matter is it, but it's good to have a little humour. We can't change the past but we sure can take control of our futures.

Hope all is well with you and that you are back posting soon.

Back after a long absence - like to believe I am a different person these days. Got a lot of help from this Forum before as well as a number of other avenues. Couldn't put all of the recommendations into practice as quickly as I would have liked. Now in a mode of trying to look forward but finding it difficult to live with all the time wasted over the years making gambling my priority and having missed out on so many other things. Cant turn the clock back but struggling to live with myself and the position I find myself in. Getting counselling to help.

Best wishes all, thanks for reading.

Captain 

fella I read your post and am pleased to see you are safe and well and still living a mindful life.

with strength and honour to you 

Duncs

Hi Duncs 

thanks for the post and hope all is good with you. Any thoughts or support you can offer appreciated with regards wasted years and how I live with what could have been and somehow carve out some sort of life from here at 54 now that the penny has finally dropped for me.

Captain 

fella there’s a pain I feel in your words they leap from the page and they have driven me to think about my own past. Gambling was all consuming, I grew to feel lost without it, I believed that it held the answers to the inner turmoil I carried, where in truth it created nothing more for me than distraction from the past. I have dealt with the trauma that led me to feed addiction, normalising life through creative chaos rather than facing the past and accepting that I was not the protagonist of those events that left my mind unable to live and function with any belief in myself or confidence to live without destruction or turmoil.

 I accept that I cannot change the past, equally I accept that addiction kept me from the ultimate act of self destruction, suicide.

moving forward for me captain is to live life filled with purpose, not to seek contentment or leave room for idle ill made choices. I promised myself that I will give my best to everything every day and as an outcome I am able to live without addiction being my crutch, I am able to develop my mental wellbeing and ultimately live as the best version of myself. 
life is tough, things don’t come easy. I accept that nothing changes if nothing changes.

 I attend at least two GA meetings a week and have done whenever possible since January, I no longer judge the folk in the rooms, I value them all equally, I take such a huge amount from the shares, I find humility and humour in every meeting, I am able to listen and I enjoy sharing my own experiences.

 I don’t have the answer to give you with regards to how you can live your life moving forward but I will happily walk by your side 

equals, folk who have punished themselves enough 

I will say this, no matter how bad any given day feels to pan out it’s pretty trivial in regards to the worst days I’ve experienced.

keep on keeping on 

with strength and honour 

Duncs

@captain46 I can only talk through my own experience so for me the biggest thing that's helped has been working the twelve step program.

It's pretty impossible to do everything at once, i.e stop gambling, get well, get over the past, move forward, live with the guilt, and so on, so do these things in order and one at a time.

Stopping gambling can be a selfish program but if you don't look after yourself first, you can't really help those around you.

So for me it was and has always been my GA meetings. Get some time clean from a bet. Then I was fortunate to find someone to work the twelve steps with. In fact I'm still working them for myself but helping others work them too. The thing with the steps is they help you look at your past in some detail but then to share it with a trusted someone. You can then look at yourself, try and change and be a better person every day.

The big point I'm coming to is this. Part of the steps is making amends. How did you upset someone with your gambling, what did you do, how did the feel, and so on, but the first person on your making amends list should be you. Forgive yourself. 

If you can do them work them in order and although they are hard mentally, the reward is worth it, I guarantee it. Every one I know who has done this has benefited, me included.

Good luck to you.

Chris.