Making it work

Hi cml welcome to here hope your doing well your right ultimately it is only ourselves that can stop, best of wishes keep posting Lu x

Welcome to the diary section 🙂

It took me way too long too to realise that "I have the power to decide" but by choosing 'no' One Day At A Time there is a way out of the darkness! Nothing you say about you is new to the site & there are people here proving that recovery is possible (would recommend Killing the Zombie by cardhue). Making right decisions helps with abstaining but looking into you & fixing how you feel about you is recovery! You don't need luck, you have the power to decide - ODAAT

Well this is day 10 without any gambling. I feel strong and resolute but of course I know its early days. I don't feel any urge to gamble at all, even though, for many years it had become a habitual act to fill in a football coupon each Friday afternoon ready for the weekend. In this respect, I had already grown out of the 'compulsive' mould. Years ago I would have gambled at any given opportunity, but family commitments and lack of funds have generally restricted my involvement.

I am now more ready than ever to fight against this illness which has deprived me of so much throughout my life. But I also realise that I cannot just do it without any help or support. I've acknowledged that my triggers for gambling were due to financial pressure and depression, and when they were intense, gambling then became an emotional release and a (false) hope for financial freedom, along with the chance of a new direction in my life.

Crucially, I have accepted, without shame, that I need medication in order to get my head right, and although I've been on them before and then lost faith I now understand their limitations, side effects and guidelines. When the meds work effectively I feel brighter, calmer and more positive, but I have had to abstain from alcohol as it is counter-productive against the meds! (I haven't had a drink for over 3 weeks). I believe without doubt, that people who suffer low mood and anxiety make irrational decisions which they later regret.

My financial situation is fairly desperate but at least my wife knows all about it. I know it's not fair on her, but we will have to fight to survive together (for better or for worse). At least she has all my cards and is keeping tabs on the money side of things. She's still angry at me but is willing to let me confront and deal with my addiction, even though she may never understand how it has affected me.

Day 11 - No gambling. Life is still tough watching every penny. Worried about future prospects and more importantly keeping head above water for the present. Stopping gambling does not mean that a magic wand has been waved - instead it creates a slow, deliberate movement towards recovery.

I feel the need to reflect on my gambling experiences as it helps to shape the journey and quantify the extent of the problem.

Many years ago when I was working in London I went out for a few drinks after work with some mates, then ended up in a casino. This environment was totally alien to me and it seemed like a bit of harmless fun. Playing with 50 pence stakes on red or black with roullette was a safe and steady idea (or so I thought). But unfortunately, this first real gambling experience gave me a £30 profit - the worst thing that could have happened - I was hooked!! I became a regular punter drawn into a seedy, lonely but glamourous secret life. Over the next 4 years I became more and more withdrawn and went completely under the addictive spell, losing many thousands of pounds in the process.

This was the starting point for my gambling activities, but little did I know that there was worse to follow.

The first couple of weeks are the hardest, but you have to keep it up. You have decided that you no longer want to gamble and this is what you need to remind yourself daily. It is not just about the money, and having access to it - you have accepted that you cannot gamble.

Forget the money - you would have spent it on something, it could have been invested and still gone. Do not dwell on the losses - this is the downfall to depression. You are where you are - its as simple as that.

I think we all have in it us for addiction, but possibly the type of addiction is based on the person - you may find extremely well balanced, confident, popular and outgoing people are addicted to alcohol, or drugs. Sometimes its the life style.

I am bit of a loner too, and if I was away on a business trip - I would find my way to a casino or betting shop - simply to be alone but with other people. Its not like sitting in a pub on your own.

I have tried to stop gambling many times after a big loss - which is the wrong frame of mind. You need to wake up one morning and say enough is enough. I know its not easy and I am not too far behind you in years gambled (unfortunately ahead in the amount). I worked hard and spent the money on what I wanted to.

I am also on this journey and will take whatever counsellor is necessary and make whatever sacrifices are needed. Without a doubt, this time I am going to bury this gambling lark and get on with my life.

Distract yourself with hobbies, use the time to spend it with your family and learn again the important things in life - and they are certainly not financial.

Good luck with your battle and keep a firm foot on those demons

Thanks 21246pjc. Its refreshing to find others who have similar experiences, that understand. I find this forum to be really helpful and therapeutic, if not a little addictive.

All the best, Keep it up! 🙂

I am gaining new confidence in beating this addiction with extra help from reading the many inspirational posts scripting personal challenges, honest self-assessment and much needed humour! However I am well aware that for many it will be the start of their nightmare, and they may be experiencing their 'rock bottom', or are close to it. My heart goes out to them with the simple message that things will get better if they reach out for help and try to focus and believe in a better future.

I suppose that I am talking as if I am further along the road to recovery, but I seem to have an enlightened perception with regard to the way that addiction threatens to destroy our lives.

This has been another positive day for me with a job offer - following 2 months out of work, and spending some quality time with the family. Reading my daughter a bedtime story and watching her cheeky little face is wonderful, but when I was stressed or depressed I would have been too much on edge to enjoy it.

So pleased things are looking up for you. There's a hell of a lot of books out there which can equate to many happy hours of quality time with your little girl.
Personally I've got a new little grandson who I love to spend time with and yes, you are right, when we have gambling heads on unfortunately our focus shifts.
The decision is ours. I hope we're both able to stick to making the right one.

Am reading a NLP self-help book that indicates the need for an inner cheerleader - a positive voice in our heads for when the negativity creeps in, to counteract the voice of pessimism and despair. It got me thinking about the gambling urges and thoughts relating to past gambling experiences, whereby we should be able to use this cheerleader voice to fight for making the right decisions and for giving personal reasurance.

Next I read about putting new beliefs into your memory storage system and for me that seems like a useful tool. Instead of continually thinking back to memories of significant and meaningful gambling events with triggers and actions as a result, it is possible to re-invent the memory by shifting the time frame to a point before it happened. Thereby using this new image as a diversion from the original thoughts and recreating a better outcome. All heavy thinking stuff, but perhaps a vital tool in the power of the mind.

Well it's day 13 for me with no gambling. I admit that I've felt a few urges, but only slight. I nearly bought a lottery ticket and I thought about football coupons and the prospect of making a profit. But thankfully, I didn't give in. However I did have a few glasses of wine to relieve the edginess - we've got to have some kind of release haven't we?

I have never gambled with the online casino sites but I can imagine just how addictive it is. Not only the ease of access and constant advertising but also the hypnotic *** in which it holds it's victims.

I once got suduced by a slot machine in a pub. Spent 2 hours spinning the reels, getting more angry by the minute. I couldn't believe the machine was winding me up. supposed to be 65% payout - so why did I only win back 20% on average, with an overall loss - (indefinately?). I never ever trusted a 'fixed odds' machine, online or otherwise.

My compulsion with gambling was always accumulator bets because I figured that this was the only way to win big, other than putting a big lump on a single bet, although I'd never have the b.alls to do that!

I once worked with an Irish fella from a horse racing background. He used to show me his betting slips and I'd get excited at the winning prospect. Once he had an 8-fold bet which returned over 20K. I thought that I could emulate this, but with hundreds of attempts on the football and horses I always came up short - often just one selection letting me down. 4 out of 5, 5 out of 6, 6 out of 7 etc. So close.... or so far away. The final fence, 3 lengths clear - then unbelievably falling. An 9-fold footie accumulator with some amazing odds, only for one result to let me down due to a terrible refereeing decision - £5 stake would have returned £32K.

I did finally have a significant winning accumulator in 2014. A £20 stake with 6 out of 6 footie results returning £7.5K. It was so unexpected and made me feel 'on top of the moon', although the truth is I would immediately pay back 5K in gambling debts. When I collected my winnings the cashier smiled and congratulated me on my big win. I then replied that I had been trying for a big win for over 25 years and in all that time I had probably gambled 25K!

You've probably guessed that things went downhill rapidly from this point. Having finally won a significant amount I could have 'called it a day' on my gambling exploits. My debts were paid off and I was left with about £2K. But clearly that was not enough, and to a CG it will never be enough. It's not about greed - it's about insecurity.

Hi cml thanks for your post on my diary yes interesting question, I'd say that if I said yes it's the cg talking, well it's very interesting and thought provoking thank you best wishes Lu x

Hi and well done, I have read many NLP books and believe that you have to change your thought process and the way you see things. I've also read the Susan Jeffers books, you may find them useful. Stay strong and positive x

Well I've reached the 2 week point gf and generally it's been ok, but even yesterday I had thoughts of going off to the bookies for a cheeky £2 bet to try to win a couple of hundred in order to take the pressure off. The £2 I had was my last bit of spare change as my wife now controls the finance and thankfully this is an overwhelming deterant because I can't just draw out money without her knowing. As it happens my daughter needed an extra £2 for her driving lesson fee, which is where the money ended up. Then I suddenly remembered that I have now excluded from all the local book-makers and I wasn't going to drive 20 miles to find a new one. Proof that gambling blocks can make a difference? Yes!

Hi CML , Just wanted to stop off and say congratulations on getting to 2 weeks gamble free , the first few are usually toughies :))

Those blocks as you rightly say do help and can make the difference between make or break especially in the early stages , we all know they can be got around but they afford you a little time to think and hopefully come to your senses instead of going on another wrecking spree .

The longer you go the stronger you'll become and those urges visit less frequently and pass much more quickly , until you barely notice them and dismiss with far greater ease :))

I think I'm a little older than you at 55 ? and for me after many years of thinking I could beat the odds ended up here 14 months ago and haven't gambled since , I honestly feel as though a whole new life has just appeared at my feet and am back to my old self and enjoying life once again .

I believe it is all about mindset , realising and accepting that I can never safely gamble again , accepting my losses are all gone and that I'm no longer willing to keep chasing them , in fact admiting gambling has well and truly beaten me makes staying stopped so much easier :)).

Keep doing what works my friend and best wishes .

Alan