Making it work

Went to a charity boxing match this evening where my friend was fighting. Simon's wife has been through a devastating year fighting breast cancer. Top bloke with a big heart. His entrance tune to the boxing ring was - I get knocked down, but I get up again... quite apt. And perhaps a motto that we should all abide by.

Another thought from the previous night at the theatre; my observations of the orchestra in front of the stage. I was so impressed by each individual musician. The dedication, concentration and passion displayed before me. The big bass player, the lady on recorder, the crazy looking drummer... I began to think that people as such, focused and passionate could surely never fall into the gambling trap.

Amazing how us gamblers look at other people's lives. I usually think 'they'll probably have nothing to worry about, it must be great to be in their shoes!' But then common sense prevails. You cannot tell what a person is going through just by looking at them. We all encounter problems of one kind or another at sometime in our lives as, unfortunately, your friend above can vouch for.
I sometimes thought, I wish I was like her when I've looked at someone but then quickly took it back. My life could be far worse. As they say, you have to be careful what you wish for.
Sounds like you've had a few busy evenings! wishing your friend a speedy recovery x

I think when something like a health problem arises we realise how precious life is, one life to live, one life to give. But we can get caught in the trap where life just plods along and we get bored of the routine and look for quick fixes of happiness, a gamble the thought of free money will surely make us happy right, I dont really think any of us know how quickly the internet is evolving and how much gambling pressure is around us in every shop, every advert, all over social media, as quick as you can earn money someone else wants it and pressure and advertising is just always in our line of sight, the skill then becomes avoiding it and teaching our kids about nothing in life is free.

Yes Lml/Smashed - you are so right that we should be careful to judge or make assumptions if looking at other people's lives. A smile could be masking a thousand tears. But I think what I was getting at was, the display of raw'passion is so wonderful. And to be dedicated to something you love and enjoy should be enough to want for nothing more! My main passions are still art and photography. Crazy as it sounds, I recently got a buzz from carving out a pumpkin face. My mind was transported to a fixation of imagination and design. And in that moment - nothing else mattered.

Hi Changemylife. Appreciate your posting on my diary with encouragement and support.

You had a wonderful 3 nights up to the weekend, it must have been a proud moment seeing your daughter up on stage in Scrooge, I imagine a lot of work go's into a production. Must have been fun supporting your friend in his boxing match, I was wondering if you where one of his sparring partners cos your diary really packs a punch. And than a night of comedy at the legendary Fruit, a pioneer when the old fruit market was being transformed. You certainly seem to be living your life to the full and that's how it should be. 100% respect for showing the positives of living a gamble free life. Like you said before, life cannot be appreciated when a chunk of our brain is obsessed with thoughts of gambling.

I am back on the recovery road and glad to be here. Stephen

Back on the road to recovery - quite right Stephen. Glad you're back with us mate!

Thanks as always for the drop by but o*g, 12 hour shifts (I’m guessing)...Give me my rotation any day! I’m on a 9 hour version of your 2-2-2 with an 0700 start & as much as I hate earlies, I always preferred the 0600...Something must have seemed pretty cool about being stood on the doorstep to the Bingo waiting for it to open (oh the shame)!?!

Follow your dreams Martin - ODAAT

Hello changemylife, thankyou for posting on my diary.

Congratulations on your continued good progress. Stephen

Thanks Kelly and Stephen I appreciate your support. You are both so upbeat and cheerful.

My OH said to me yesterday - "I just want you to be happy, what can I do to help". To which I replied "Everyone is responsible for their own happiness. I know what I have to do - I must give up the booze, exercise and book us a holiday". Yaay she said.

So without further ado, holiday is booked and we're off to Majorca in May. Also I went jogging today, and haven't had a drink since Monday. Whoopie Doo!

I can't hide the fact that I've been feeling down recently. I don't really want to bring my troubles to the forefront but I'm still changing and contemplating. I've got to confront a couple more demons in my life.

When I was a school kid the teachers would describe me as 'happy-go-lucky'. I think that meant that I didn't take things seriously. Keep smiling - everything will be just fine. But as we grow older and have challenges and responsibilities, it becomes a whole new ball game. The stresses of life begin to take their toll. Social drinking and crazy abandentment gets us through, with just a little hangover. But as time goes on, I have found that alcohol and depression can misshape our lives. My happy smile and sunny disposition will often conceal my sad and desperate soul. And you know what - I didn't really see it coming! However, I believe that things will definitely improve, even without the meds. Trouble is, we can get ourselves in a viscous circle. Work - Tiredness - Low mood - Intoxication - Despondancy. Basically the worst frame of mind for the recovering addict, and I'm just thankful that I've remained gf. I think that abstinence from drinking alcohol will be a key to feeling better, more optimistic and in control. The accumulative effect over many years should not be underestimated. Other stuff has happened during the past 3 years which has broken my heart. Things will never be the same again... Firstly my best friend died of cancer, then my ex-wife and finally my dear mum.

But onwards we must go. And your probably thinking: This guy doesn't need G.A. or GamCare, but bereavement councilling and A.A. instead.

I'm sorry to all the new members who may be looking for me to be a sturdy, inspiring Guru, with over a year gf. But I have to say it as it is. Strength and love to all.
Martin

Don't be sorry, putting your thoughts and feelings down can resonate with many people. It can help others to take a step back, look at their own lives and encourage healing.
It sounds to me like you're putting lots of positives in your life and for that you should be proud - besides, you've got a holiday to look forward to, yeah!! x

Great post Martin and respect for your honesty and openness.

To take stock of our life requires understanding of our strengths and weaknesses, recognition of our achievements and mistakes, compassion for all the past Martins, stoicism, trust and self belief. You have it all in abundance.

Go for it my friend and don't take any prisoners. Stephen.

Hi Change thanks for posting on my diary, must admit am drowning in work at the moment and don't feel I have a life balance but had Weds off and made personal/career plans for the next 6 months which helped me gain control. Total respect for being upfront and open about your feelings, good or bad if that's how people feel they shouldn't hide it. I recently had a full on crying sesh with a friend (not about gsmbling) and they were a little taken back ad I always put on a strong front. But it felt a relief to let it all out.Take care and amazing progress S:)

Thanks for all your kind sentiments. I'm definitely feeling a lot better and more positive. It makes me wonder how low we have to go in order to focus and channel our energies into finding the truth about ourselves, whilst hopefully becoming rejuvenated.

Time has a way of healing, it can dry all the tears from your eyes. (a great line from a Thin Lizzy track).

My last alcoholic drink was on 20th Nov, and although I don't really consider myself as a problem drinker (a kind of denial), I have been walking a very fine line. In the past I have refrained for a month at a time. But when you tell people that you're giving it up - They say, oh you don't have to do that! Just limit yourself to one or two... Unfortunately they just don't get it. They don't have a 'scooby doo'! With regard to the physical and mental effects, not to mention the escalation of addiction. For me it has to be all or nothing. Giving up could make the difference between living for another 35 years...or just 5.

It has been well documented in recent years about the link between addiction and depression, although obviously it's not the same for everyone. But as anyone who has been depressed will tell you... when it takes a grip on your life you can't just snap out of it. It's that same feeling when losing a big stack of chips playing Roulette at the casino. The re-occuring nightmare with a feeling of despair and hopelessness.... But it goes deeper than that. It can get to the stage where we say to ourselves: 'what's the point in anything'. And that's a dangerous place to be.

Anyway, onto a brighter outlook. One day at a time. Healthy eating, lots of sleep and cold refreshing grapefruit or orange juice. And a jog out in the open air with the dog (she's a fast runner) pulling me along on a lead - a comical sight, I'm sure. Sometimes I think that little crazy puppy has helped to save my life.

Nice post, when I first joined here I was so angry because I should of been smarter, I self destructed myself for no reason because I thought life and others had let me down, and I was doing it to myself, I thought I could beat Gambling but it knew I had no chance at all it was smarter than me it can work out millions of algorithims in seconds it knew all the tricks to take the maximum it could off me and it eventually did. And when it did that "The What's the point" sentance comes along. The most simplest things in life are free but we get tricked into thinking we need something we dont, an iphone because its better than the last one, a box that we talk too to tell us the weather. Leave your phones at home, talk and laugh with a real human, and enjoy the weather sun or rain. Good Luck on keeping off the booze, I hopefully can give up one day, I cut down sugar and lay off sodas as a can of drink has 7 sugars and no fast food KFC or McDonalds. All minor impovements that when you free your mind you'll be surprised at what you find.