Making it work

Thanks Smashed. You said it just right there re: trying to outsmart the gambling. Sure we've got a lot of anger, frustration and resentment built up due to our involvement with gambling, but I believe that we can use it to our own benefit. I guess it's like trying to get your own back for being wronged, but actually the strength and power comes from walking away and saying *u*k you!

I'm now feeling much better and more positive. The gambling stuff from the past just lingers but it can't hurt me if I don't let it!

I've not had a drink for 9 days. My head is clearing, my stomach is setting and I believe that I may quit for good. Physically it's a form of abuse and there cannot be unlimited chances to save my health.

My thoughts for the day:-

Nobody can live your life for you.

Don't let your fate be decided by your fear.

Every decision you make has the potential to take you along a different pathway in your life.

"If its got to be - its up to me".

If you want a better life you've got to MAKE it happen.

What you give is what you get.

The universe rewards action.

Hi CML it strikes me that you are allowing yourself to feel more emotions, good and bad. I mean emotions in reaction to life rather than the artificial highs and lows of the gambling dream world.
I'm not as far along the road as you but I can get what you are saying about drinking and being careful not to let yourself go seeking to mask or escape feeling through the drink, now that you don't have the comfort of running to gambling whenever you needed.

I think we all need escape sometimes from the pain of existence, that's the human condition...but that's why music art and stories exist...escape is different from oblivion and that's where addiction steps in.
For me its about keeping my mind occupied, maybe studying, maybe a new project...:)

Life for rent - by Dido

If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy it. Then I deserve nothing more than I get, 'cause nothing I have is truly mine.

The implications of this song are far-reaching and thought provoking. With this in mind I will use it as a sinario to reflect on our own lives...

Your life for rent is a car... It is contracted on a long term (approx 81 years) lease hire agreement. The duration of the term may be reduced or terminated depending on its use. Thrashing the engine with a low oil level is likely to lead to a decrease in performance and may be critical in the long term.

Your car should be serviced regularly. A full health check; tyres, alignment, brakes etc. Wash, wax and valet are optional. The car should not be stored away in a garage without use for long periods. Brush off those cobwebs, spark up that engine and set off for adventure, exhilaration and activities in wonderful places. Treat your car with care. Drive it smoothly, staying in control. Don't take too many risks, driving recklessly... It could result in a car crash!

Be warned that should a problem occur with the major components it could be detrimental. It may be possible to have a replacement engine or gearbox fitted, but as the car gets older and other parts become worn out, there will be limitations.

Above all, appreciate your car - it's the only one You'll get.. Admire the fine contours, comfort, safety and technology. In the right conditions you may wish to test out the vehicles performance, limits and capabilities. Maybe add a little style with 'go faster stripes' or even furry dice if you wish!

Remember that your car is the sum total of its parts. It may break down from time to time but mostly it's reliable, complete and in working order. A great design. Your car... Your life. Use it wisely and well.

Had a good couple of weeks off the booze and I'm feeling so much better but l realise that complete abstinence is not really what I want. Drinking socially is enjoyable and should be looked on as a treat such as going out to a restaurant or other such indulgence. I realize that I've been thinking too deeply about things such as health issues or concerns. The old saying "everything in moderation" still rings true. Sure, I had allowed myself to become down and in low spirits, but there's often a good reason, and therefore options and solutions. I have decided that I need to change my working hours and cut out the nights, hopefully working for the same firm. I also need to involve myself with fresh challenges or hobbies. This is really essential for all of us, especially if we have thoughts of gambling. Because ultimately the weakness within ourselves is really put to the test when we're feeling down. I intend to join a running club in the New Year. I have many happy memories of the team spirit and camaderie of when I was previously a club member. Then there's my project - ongoing for 13 years, but it's getting close to completion, and maybe this time next year.... Well who knows. It could be on retail sale! I've got to remain positive. 2018 is going to be a great year. I'm doing fine now. Even though I still have thoughts of gambling and the urges will surely come and go, like a tap on the shoulder. But power comes from within. Thinking about it, whenever I returned to gambling in the past it was due to negative thought processes. Feeling sorry for myself; woe is me. It's not fair. Things will never improve. I'm a loser. But as we know gambling is never the answer. With a little faith and hope we can improve our lives.

Quote by Oscar Wilde: “Everything in moderation, including moderation.”

We have to listen to ourselves and go for it, thats whats good about a diary, you can see what you wrote and you have to act on it positively. I said that I have 5 years to pay back my gambling debt back then, and todays mind, there is no way that I will let it hang over me for that long, we have to set goals, I will get out of this job I dont like, I will and I can. Whatever your project is go for it focus and believe in it and dont let anyone tell you "But what if". Listening to ourselves from now on our thoughts our goals, we are working out what addiction is and how easy it is to get sucked into gambling and bad thought processes and all the games that lead us down debts and repayments. Your no loser get your mind in that project and focus and changeyourlife changemylife 🙂

Thanks Smashed for your encouraging words. Our futures are very much in our own hands, and like you say we can pay off our debts sooner if we put our minds to it. Rather than mooching, begrudgingly in the 'naughty corner'. We can get on with our lives - taking the batten and running with it. Staking our claim for wellbeing and prosperity. Like you say - "change your job". Not always easy to get what you want straight away, but it IS possible and achievable! Break out of the mould. Knock on doors. Utilise the stepping stones. Keep your eyes on the prize.

C.G's often refer to the gambling urges often seen as an external force trying to drive us to do things we shouldn't do. But I think that it's important to recognise that the urges are really confined to our own minds. Sure we may have external temptations such as gambling advertisements or the shop front of a bookie, but even when the seeds of enticement become apparent, we should be able to confront and deal with them.

For me, even after years of habitual gambling, regardless of the consequences or reason, I still have the thoughts and memories of so many events that have shaped the way I am. And unfortunately I cannot simply wipe out 35 years of happenings that have been a major influence on my life.

Therefore, although I can change the way I live through decisive measures, the gambling will always be a part of me.

Hello changemylife. Hope your happy and well.

Appreciate your posting on my diary. Always enjoy reading your interesting views on life and addiction.

Totally agree with your sentiments on how we can respond to unwanted urges or enticement; "We should be able to confront and deal with them."

I intend making every effort to be a mature adult by accepting responsibility for my actions and not being a fool. This will allow me to be carefree, relaxed and at peace with myself. I know I can do this if I have the courage and the will to see it through.

As Captain Sparrow said; "What could possibly go wrong?".

Hey I like that - ,' What could possibly go wrong', it's a bit like my favourite saying - 'what's the worst that could happen'?... Hey I'm only having a laugh! But if my name was Lister... Well it's deadly serious! Hey I'm just about to start reading 'Backwards' and 'Last Human' in the Red Dwarf series. Thanks by the way.

Day 415 without gambling. Although I remember my heady downfall as if it was yesterday. The desperate compulsion throughout the summer months of 2016. Betting continually with stupid, blind and stubborn motives. Descending once again into a spiral of debt and anxiety, until the gravy train of cash was unable to flow.

Every day I have to remind myself of that dark place because our minds can tell us lies and lead us down the path of temptation, with a notion of filtered events viewed through rose coloured spectacles.

I've been working long hours so haven't had much time to post on my diary. Worked 72 hours this week. Living like a zombie. However, I've now got a 12 day break for Christmas and New Year, so now it's time to relax. And sleep zzzzzz. Then maybe party!

Happy Christmas CML, enjoy that 12-day break! You've earned it x

Wishing you a great holiday over christmas and the new year. Time to celebrate your amazing journey of recovery.

Many thanks for your support you have given me and the wisdom you have shared.

look forward to being alongside you in 2018. With courage and right thinking we can only go from strength to strength.

Many thanks for your thoughts and comments 4D and Abstainer. Yes I will be having a relaxing family festive break. I hope you will be too. Also I really appreciate sharing the journey, with ideas, encouragement and reflection.

Looking forward to the new year with optimism, excitement, enterprise and happiness.

Every potential problem encountered gives us a chance to navigate through to reach a worthwhile solution.

My song for the day:

'It's a beautiful day' by U2
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY, DON'T LET IT GET AWAY.
SEE THE BIRD WITH A LEAF IN HER MOUTH.
AFTER THE FLOOD ALL THE COLOURS CAME OUT.
WHAT YOU DON'T HAVE, YOU DON'T NEED IT NOW.
WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW, YOU CAN FEEL IT SOMEHOW.