Almost a year on since my last post, and still in the same cycle. I stop betting for months, convinced that I can control it, then I fall back into the same habits, losing everything I have recovered over the months off stopping. I feel gambling has taken all the joy away from everything else in my life. I am reluctant to spend any money on myself, but yet will deposit thousands into casino games. I have installed Gamstop; however, I just find myself using non-UK registered casinos which seem to be even worse. I would encourage anyone to avoid these at all costs; there is only one winner. I now start again but fear that the cycle will only repeat itself. Willpower alone is not enough to overcome.
I am expecting my first child, and instead of using this as fuel to stop, my gambling brain tries to justify carrying on to try to win big one more time. Sounds ludicrous writing it down, but it is completely justified in my head. I have a good job and extremely good willpower in everything else in life but gambling. I don’t drink, I never take a day off work, I go to the gym every day, but for some reason, I can’t stop playing childlike games which is costing me my sanity.
Hi
I am sad to hear that you are in pain and suffering.
Do you understand what you last emotional trigger was.
Have you been to any meetings as yet.
I think that by my going to meetings was a big help fr me.
When ever I went back I understood that I needed more meetings.
My emotional triggers were my pains my fears my frustrations my loneliness and my boredom.
The gambling was one way of me escaping in my fears.
I hope that every thing goes well having your first child.
For me money was just the fuel for my addiction.
Money never healed my pains.
It is ludicrous writing it down it is you showing how emotionally vulnerable you are.
The recovery program helped me understand that in time I could live a much healthier life giving up my unhealthy habits.
Your clean time can not be lost even we think other wise.
Having clean time means for a period of time you stopped hurting your self.
Recovery will help you heal your pains and live a much healthier life.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Hi Dave,
Thanks for reaching out. No, I've never participated in a formal program or sought support beyond this forum. My main triggers revolve around my relationship with money. I often feel unable to spend money freely, and when I do, I tend to turn to gambling to try to recover what I've spent. I believe this behavior stems from years of struggling with gambling and financial instability, which has left me feeling desperate to hold onto every penny, even during periods of abstinence from gambling.
I hear you, I am in the same vicious cycle. Will begrudge buying a pair of trainers for myself for £50 yet happily blow 3k on sport betting each weekend.
I have gambled over 250k in 8 of this, yet prior to that would play for fun spending £5 every weekend. What went so wrong for me??
good luck
@c17ort Hi King, thanks for the message. I have read your recent thread, and it helps knowing people are in the same situation. If you have made a plan to be debt-free and are on your journey to become gambling-free, ensure that you don’t start again when you are debt-free. This is what I have done continuously for years: I get myself out of the situation, then put myself back in it. When you recover, you forget how bad it was.
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