Metamorphosis

Hi DF,

Hope you safe and dry. Have a lovely Xmas..enjoy and peace for you darling

S x

Thanks Sandra for your kind thoughts and peace is my goal for this year.

After the bustle of yesterday time for contemplation.

This time last year I had emerged from a year when I had been virtually bedbound and in pain I had not imagined existed for over six months, I was attempting to repair broken relationships with my family and the year was rounded off with being flooded out of my home for two weeks. I felt pretty low and I decided to use every means I had to escape this frame of mind.

One of those methods was to join this site.

This past year I have managed with difficulty to control my pain to a level where I could return to work, be it part time.

I have spent a month abroad with my ex on a wonderful holiday (shame it damaged our friendship though).

I have re established a connection with my family who have acknowledged my battle without understanding it and I have saved enough to build my studio/shed next year.

I still have dreadful days when the river looks tempting to literally drown my sorrows but I know now that the feelings will pass as will the flood waters currently running through my garden.

I am terrified / excited at the prospect of all the coming year has to offer.

The river rages past but a quiet day for me to day, waders on to fill the bird feeders and bubble and squeak for tea, phone calls to and from my nearest and dearest and a resolve with everyone's help to fight the demons even harder in 2014. Bring it on.

I just love this story - so simple

There was once a frog that lived in a lake. One day in the morning the frog left the water and he found a 50-cent coin. He exclaimed, I am rich! I am rich! I have 50 cents! In the whole world which other frog has as much money as I do. Have you ever seen a frog with money? He was probably the richest frog in the whole world.

He thought of the most important problems the frogs were facing, “Every morning the elephant comes here and bathes in the lake and he disturbs the frogs. I will not tolerate this anymore! Now I am rich! The richest frog in the world will not tolerate this injustice from the elephant!” Just then the king’s elephant was being brought down by his mahout. So the frog confronted the elephant turned his head to see who was making this noise. The frog cried out, “Elephant! Stop! It’s me! It’s me! The richest frog in the world! Stop!” But the elephant did not hear the frog. Then the frog jumped from his 50-cent coin before the elephant to stop him from going to the lake. But he was so small that the elephant stepped on him, and the richest frog in the world was killed.

This story was told by Srila Bhakti Siddanta Saraswati Thakur, to illustrate how a person can become very proud of a little material opulence and in his pride, he can lose perspective of the reality of life. We can falsely start thinking that our bank balances, our material assets and advancement of science and technology will help me overcome the stringent laws of material nature, solve all my problems and make me permanently happy.

Think I should have bought an ark rather than a houseboat.

Another night with no sleep as wind crashing boat about and scared my moorings will break and send me off down the river. Garden flooded to a couple of feet now so not even going to try to get to dry land in the dark as cant see where the river ends ands and garden starts.

Nothing to do with gambling but had to occupy myself as very scared but does link in to the risks I take in life,

Cant believe more to come on Monday as well, when will it ever stop.

Hope others safe and dry

Hi Ms DF

Sorry to hear about your flooding- weather here is hellish too. I hope you managed to keep safe and dry on your river.

I wish you a Happy and Peaceful New Year!

Take care

Irene

x

Stranded aboard ship at the moment with too much time to think.

An interesting topic - I shared my life for over twenty years with a man who lost over a million of our hard earned money 'gambling' on business enterprises and having left that relationship taking my children with me I went on to become addicted to gambling myself.

To me there are many, many different reasons behind this addiction, his was money, mine was a misguided idea that I could block out painful thoughts as my mind tuned into zombie mode combined with an addictive personality.

No doubt others on here could come up with a hundred other reasons why they became addicted and in the same way it will have affected partners and loved ones in equally as many ways.

None of us can change the past and for me it is about reading and reflecting and assimilating ideas and experiences which will help me to overcome my addiction in the future thus enabling me to eventually regain trust and prevent further harm to those I love. They will never understand but they are beginning to acknowledge my efforts and that is all I can ask.

Sometimes I fail and I also have to acknowledge that I am not super human and be realistic but strive to make every effort I can by making use of the support offered to me.

http://youtu.be/NtZGp2acjaw

DF ..I'm In feminist, revolutionary mode at the moment and all I can say is when I'm out of this s**t I shall be back and we shall brain storm on how we are gonna start livin ..I totally see your efforts ...and as a woman you always get my vote!! Lol

normal transmission resumed soon xx

Wore that label for years in the sixties Rach, sit ins, marches, those were the days and actually felt we achieved something at the time.

More thinking about addiction (not good at this time of night as very random).

I worked with a young girl who was adopted as both her parents were in custody for serious drug and drug related offenses. Adoption broke down etc etc and she then began using heavily.

Despite seeing the horrendous damage done by her parents addiction she was herself drawn into this and is now suffering from the consequences physically and mentally. Why would she?

I equate this with my story in that having retained my sanity, self respect and rescued my children following the damage caused by someone who had once been my soul partner, I then went on to repeat that cycle again in my own life and causing further damage despite having insight through my training. Why would I?

I have known many drug and alcohol workers who have been themselves drawn into using despite seeing the damage on a daily basis, how does this happen when you have all the information if it is simply a case of saying no.

I think there should be way more research done in this area incorporating those from both sides when involving couples as it progresses to be a more significant problem within society and would love to be involved but can only find very limited information.

Hi DF,

Very intresting insight of the problem. I ask the same question..why to follow the steps which proved harmful??

Hope you all safe and dry and sleeps will come round soon 🙂

Xx

May angels calms your mind down and you can give yourself some well deserved rest 🙂

Thank you sweetheart and look after yourself

((((( DF )))))

Sandra xx

Thank you Sandra and being an old hippie my angel cards for this week are tenderness, harmony and love - who could ask for more.

Troubled mind, soul, spirit and heart at the moment but know how fortunate I am. Reminding myself today of a wonderful American tutor I had at art school. He was a sculptor and I used to stay with him and his partner occasionally when I was struggling with life. He also suffered with depression at times but his view was that rather than live in a neutral plane, the depths were worth experiencing to enable him to reach the highs when he would become most enlightened and creative.

I know that many of my fears are unfounded and those that are real I will find a solution or they will pass just like these storms on my lovely river. Life can be very cruel at times but also very beautiful.

http://youtu.be/S4BYOJ1tc-k

There but for fortune.

Hi Dragonfly, the wheel of life soon turns, sometimes you're on the bottom, sometimes you're on the top. The highs, the lows, all part of being human. Enjoy the good times and look forward to them returning. I don't know why 'knowledgeable' people self destruct, despite knowing the consequences. As humans we're all vulnerable though to one extent or another. With me I know if I associate myself with demanding others then I take onboard a little of them, I try to visualize life through their perspective and that in turn influences detrimentally the way I think. That's why it's always nice to be surrounded by positive people because I in turn become an act in a positive way. Whereas if I'm festooned in negativity then I in turn will act in a negative way.

Anyway, Dragonflies are my favourite insect along with 'The Devil's Coachman.' I still remember the moment I first saw one as a small child hovering forwards and backwards majestically, with it's quad lateral wings, oh and it's iridescent colours left me spellbound. I still feel like that now whenever I see one. Perfect in design, older than the dinosaurs and even older than the evolution of flowers. I'm glad you chose that name and you didn't opt for something, I don't know, like 'cockroach,' because that wouldn't have the same nostalgic impact on me, although I have had a few hissing cockroaches placed on me, and to be fair, they were no trouble at all, quite placid. Erm....let me think, 'Horsefly,' that's it, can't stand them, they're the worst. You chose wisely, Dragonfly is a lovely name.

Hang on to the good memories and let the bad ones go. Hope you have a great New year. Take care.

Mr. Bumble

Hey Ms. Dragonfly,

Angel cards! My friend has some of those and I love them. I also love dragonflies. We have lots of them in the summer in these parts. I was watching oodles of them feeding on mosquitoes as I sat in a big open field last summer. Sorry to hear you've been down. May 2014 bring us all the peace we're searching for.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcRQp52amhA

(I didn't pick this one for you for the lyrics... bit depressing... but I like the melody!)

Thanks Lazarus and Carla, as I live on the river I get swarms of dragonflies inside as well as outside my houseboat and love the colours glinting in the sun.

Still flooded and have managed to get ashore in waders to visit friends and family over the past week but have remained aboard for past couple of days and very little sleep as boat crashed about by the winds and more to come, it really is relentless and very scary.

Have hospital next week again and just hope beneficial as last set of injections achieved nothing in reducing pain.

Have been feeling unsociable and can't manage to do much with weather and boat rocking so have been reading loads as usual, just finishing an interesting book about life in India in the early fifties, realise as a woman how lucky I am being born when and where I was as I can now live an independent life however I wish.

Dreading work next week as need to challenge workload and involve union so battle will commence as just cannot accept it any more as making me even more unwell.

No resolutions but have been reflecting on decisions I have made in the past and planning how I can be less impulsive and destructive in the future without losing my sense of self, no easy task.

More warnings on the news of flooding in surrey where I live so off to make checks before it sets in as will have to move out if it gets much worse.

Hi Dragonfly,

Please be safe!! And, I hope you can get some relief from your next round of therapy at hospital. Try to rest Dragonfly. ((((((((DF)))))))) -joanxxx