Metamorphosis

Thanks girls.

Took my grandson to see Frozen at the cinema yesterday to take my mind off things then watched him and his sister having a swimming lesson today.

Water level still critical in respect of my houseboat and was supposed to be stabilising today but has peed with rain all afternoon.

Had a phone call tonight and the young guy who lives in house next door to me has not been seen for a week and his car is in the car park. Scared silly now that something has happened to him in the floods.

Important meeting in London at work tomorrow and anxiety levels off the scale. Not good for my health.

Interesting as for the first time I actually have not even thought about gambling as a cure all.

Cant speak to anyone about how I feel as expected to remain chilled and calm in difficult situations.

Isolating as lots in my head that will not translate to print.

Hi DF,

Hope you still safe and dry...and your meeting went well in London. You are great fighter girl, with so much going on around you, you still going strong. I admire your honesty and determination DF.

Take it easy, try to stay calm and get much peaceful rest and sleep. Will be alright, i am praying for you.

((((( DF ))))

S x

Thanks Sandra.

Still at my son's home as water has started to recede but not enough to get home yet and yet still more rain threatened.

They managed to locate my neighbour but we were all very worried for a few days then news that another neighbour, a lovely lady younger than me, died from cancer on Wednesday. I had only met her a few times as their house is a holiday home but many had known her for years so very sad.

Feeling disengaged from my body and mind at the moment which happens sometimes and is a danger sign for me. Now the anxiety level has reduced I understand once more how much I am dependant on adrenalin to survive in this world as it blocks out the day to day necessities of living.

I spoke about this a lot when I first joined this site as my work had been dangerous in the past and had made high risk choices in life as well, which leaves an emptiness which I have to fill to reach 'normality' without the adrenalin rush. The recent floods put me back on that adrenalin high as I risked losing everything I own.

Sometimes recently I am successful in achieving calm on my houseboat close to nature but my current situation adapting to others lifestyles and biting my tongue constantly for one reason or another is not a comfortable experience.

I am very grateful that I have somewhere to stay and know a short term problem I need to get on with but aware I must be extra vigilante regarding the demons creeping back in while my defences are down.

Have been ignoring requests to meet up with friends and need to look at why I am becoming reclusive again as strangely I miss their company.

Did go to see The Hobbit last night with family, love Smaug, have always loved dragons, back to my fantasy world.

Hope all safe and sound.

DF

My dear friend I am glad to read the waters may be receeding my friend.

So glad you are still looking at the big picture. Long may it continue.

as always by your side.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Dragonfly,

Its supposed to be a "dry day" today. here's hoping you can get back on your houseboat as soon as possible.

I relate to the disconnected feelings. I get like that when my stress levels are too high. Usually it means that I withdraw from others even more than I usually do and as you say can be dangerous in terms of addiction. But as Lazarus said on my diary, recognising it is half the battle and in time stress levels will come down.

You know what's gonna happen next... the weather pattern will change and we will get easterlys.. dry and cold. here's hoping for the dry anyway. Thanks for your support... S.A 🙂

Hi Dragonfly,

I am pleased to read you are safe and sound girl.

Echo SA here about disconnecting from yourself. Surely been here myself. I find it hard to get back on track, i can stop talking and find comfort within myself. Danger comes out then, because as comforting little world it might seem, it comes with huge danger.

Don't isolate darling. As much as you feel stress levels high and feel withdrawing yourself from socialising, please at least accept a cuppa from friend or a chat. Walking in fresh air might help too.

I know it's easier said than done, and you might only find ur balance and peace with yourself back on a houseboat...but i know you will be ok girl. Keep breathing....and believing 🙂

Never give in low moods, watch a movie or smthing..funny enough my councellor always kept telling me the best movie to pick ur spirits up is "Happy feet "....maybe worth a try??? Tell me what you think if you decide to watch it ;-))

All the best and stay safe sweetie

((((((( DF ))))))

S x

Hey darling,

Hope all is good with ya and you are safe and dry.

My thoughts are with you. Look after yourself and more importantly be kind to urself.

(((((((( DF ))))))))

S x

Hi Dragonfly,

Is it still raining by you? For gods sake I hope not! Are you back on your boat yet? I'm here in sub zero air whistling thru my teeth and spitting crystalline projectiles at everything that moves. Luckily for us the freshly fallen snow has covered up the million piles of corgi poo in the back yard. It all looks so pristine! Looking at it you would never know there was a mine field buried beneath. Thinking spring Dragonfly. Here's a hug ((((DF)))). -joanxxx

hi there SA, Duncs, Sandra and Joan

managed to get back on board last night as water just level with the bank. Was greeted by mr and ms Kenneth as I walked down the path but baby Kenneth appears to have flown the nest.

Freezing cold and damp on the boat but left heaters on all night and beginning to warm up, cant complain as certainly not -10 yikes.

Flood has left four inches of dark gooey mud over everything so spent the morning with pressure sprayer trying to clear the paths ending up with most of it on me as it spattered everywhere. Looked like I had played six games of rugby in a muddy field and had to scrape mud out of my hair but after hot bath all pink and glowing again.

Just had another thunder storm and water already up again a couple of inches, amazing it just goes on and on.

Have been feeling pretty low recently for various reasons and think I do get the winter blues - should be winter greys - but have decided I must stop being a moany old f**t and just get on with life, many, many much worse off than me.

Scared myself poo-less a couple of days ago after seeing an ad on tv for an on line gambling site thought I would log on and have a go, don't know where that came from as never had any interest at all before so immediately squashed the thought but jees you have to be on guard the whole bloody time.

Very windy here still, which I love as my boat creaks and groans and talks to me and I am snug and warm.

Saw first snowdrops peeping through today and the drakes are chasing the ducks as ready to make whoopee. Can't wish my life away but spring around the corner, new beginnings.

Stay safe, strong and happy, lovely people.

Hi Dragonfly....its a difficult time of year don't you think, I get the winter blues too, also spring, summer and autumn blues! lol Something tells me those snowdrops are going to be pushing against real snow soon as we haven't really had winter proper yet. Lets hope if its going to be cold it will also be dry!

Glad your back on your boat though, it must have been stressful being away from home.

Thoughts of a gamble have crossed my mind to, but like you I have squashed them to smithereens(dodgy speeling). Day at a time eh.

Hopefully my work situation will work out. Current work situation is very stressful as we don't really have any management support anymore. I don't think anybody gives a flying f**k. "Just deal with it!"..being the company motto. Your friends work outcome brings me hope. Thanks again... S.A

Hi Dragonfly,

So happy to hear you are back on your boat. On your river. With your beautiful Kens. Yeah, experiencing the winter blahs here too. The sky is a deep crystal blue today but, the air temperature has reached 13 degrees below zero. I suspect that those little corgi piles will wind up just freeze drying and turn to dust at this rate. Lol. Crazy people still doing all kinds of things like tossing pots of hot water into the air and making their own snow. What some of them don't realize is that one should not do this on a windy day. Ha ha ha. Waving. -joanxxx

Hey Missy 🙂

Good news all around. My dear fighter back into her comfy place to be. Arrr...sorry to hear that bin lid flew into the river...no wonder pollution is sky high!!! Sneaky dragonfly round the corner lol

Jokes aside, I am glad you are safe and warm. Damage might be done to ur boathouse, but little by little you will get ur castle back, little Cinderella :-)))

I am glad you navigated through tough few weeks and didn't push self destruction button in that time.

If you still tidying up, Sandra has got those gloves and cleaning gear at ready if u need some volunteering help :-))

Hugs Hun

Thank you for all ur support. Stay safe, warm and dry

S xxxx

Thank you SA. Joan and Sandra

just wrote a great long diary entry and it disappeared into the ether - f***.

I don't want to be grumpy but feeling like a woman with a fork in a world full of soup today.

DF

A fork in a bowl of soup

I like that!!

There is a solution

Use your hands and slurp!!!

I have a vision of last of the summer wine!!

Keep making the right choice my dear friend.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi (((( DF ))))

I keep it short incase it dissappears in cyber space again lol :-))

I hear you girl, it must be so annoying to clear ur lovely boathouse and see that water always close by threatening to creep in again.

I hope rain will stop soon, and you can enjoy your lovely wiev of the river and dry land next to it.

Thank you for ur kind words and support lovely

Sandra x