Metamorphosis

Hi DF

Sorry to read about your muddy woes (remember folk pay a fortune for that mud bath treatment- and you got splattered for free gorgeous girl!). Glad to see that you got back aboard safely though and hopefully have achieved that semblance of "normality".

I empathise entirely with the urges triggered by TV ads- in my humble opinion they should be after the watershed at least, before youngsters find them appealing. Anyhow, well done on avoiding the "log on".

Take care of yourself and your wildlife! Hoping all's well with the family too,

Irene

x

Thanks folks but have hit a mega low after being flooded out again just a week after moving back home.

Staying with my son and his partner but they need their own lives and we have argued. Other offers but just want to go home.

He tells me I am negative about everything and I know its true at the moment and he has his own worries.

I know I will not gamble as that will escalate the problem. Have family and many friends but have never felt so alone. Life is such hard work and I know its the depression speaking and it will pass but almost a physical ache.

Know many are much worse off and do appreciate what I have but just need to wallow for a time before I climb out of the pit of self pity.

Couldn't even write on here either as know I could not have kept within the boundaries as Lazarus has done and do not want to revisit that feeling of deliberately triggered anger and frustration as that just feeds the perpetrator.

The hardest part of life for me is accepting those things I cannot change.

Still trying to eat soup with a fork but tomorrow I may find a spoon, who knows.

Hi Dragonfly,

Sorry to hear you've been hit by the heavy rains and flooding, I know a few people in R/L who have had to be evacuated from their homes a couple of times already this winter, and it is a horrible experience.

Well done on not gambling despite the stresses, and hope you'll be back in your home sooner rather than later. As someone else mentioned, maybe drop the fork and take the bowl in your hands?

All the best,

Ryan

Thanks Leedso, have just read back my diary entry and just writing it made me realise that I had not been aware of how low I was feeling so was quite cathartic.

Dreams are renewable.

No matter what our age or condition,

there are still untapped possibilities within us

and new beauty waiting to be born.

Dr. Dale Turner

Onwards and upwards, thanks to everyone on here

Hi Dragonfly,

I'm sad to hear that you have been pushed out of your boat by that MF rain again. Blah blah we need the rain and we are grateful blahbity yes.. but, you have every right to feel sh it right now. I too felt I walked a fine line the other day. I felt I needed to get off my chest what I needed to without encouraging further injury. It looks as if I managed to fly under the radar so to speak. Oh well. Selfishly of course I missed your post. But screw me as well for being a selfish ( insert curse word here ). ((((((((((((Dragonfly)))))))))) and you come out when you feel like it. Til then, I will be praying that you get back on your boat once again safe and sound. -joanxxxx

Thanks so much Joan, I have inserted a suitably rude word although I don't agree you are ever selfish, in fact the exact opposite and thanks for the hug, just what I needed and makes such a difference when others understand. Having to bite my tongue where I am staying and at work so danger I would have lost the plot on here and once in print the damage is done. Also find I have less of a self edit button as I age which is dangerous.

Will write back but dodgy laptop connection today.

Just sorry to hear girl...feel for you and know how low u must feel.(at least try to understand)

(((((((( DF ))))))) xx

Thanks Sandra I know you do and really appreciate it so sorry but here goes.

Rain rain f*****g go away

come again another day.

f*****g f*** off f*****g rain

I will not waste my money today just because of the f*****g rain.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'###########**********////@@@@

Hope everyone else is safe, dry and warm and not nearly as pi##ed off as I am.

ps. see the wind up merchant is back in action over on 'overcoming' - lets all have a competition to see who is the most addicted compulsive gambler in the entire universe shall we - going to stick to my own diary and quit reading for my own sanity as gamcare do nothing even when people speak about winning amounts of money, what a load of bollocking bo##ocks.

Right by ur side girl

-Rain f*****g rain go away,

Let us stay dry and safe

And feel at peace again

Rain f*****g rain go away!!

Stay safe DF...keep breathing, it will get better soon...always by ur side - unconditional (((( DF )))) xx

Echoing the sentiments of your other supporters! We all have a right to feel lousy sometimes and life truly does suck sometimes and who cares if you rant about it.... I figure it's healthy. Now, I'm not so sure the fantasies I'm having are so healthy about a couple of folks in my life but as long as I don't act them out....

Hang in there. Things will improve. (((Dragonfly)))

Thanks Sandra and Carla, I was really in a very low place. I am not going to delete my rants as they remind me of where I go and what I become.

Saw my doc yesterday, such a lovely lady, know now I can beat this feeling.

She has in a day arranged injections for my hand which despite an operation is curling into a claw (I surely am a witch), referred me to another consultant for my knee, booked physio for my back pain and listened whilst I told her I cannot cope with my life.

She has listened before, just as those on here do, and I have gone on to cope just fine. My illnesses are progressive, so what, everyone has to go sometime and the pain can be controlled.

My frustration has been that I found a place I felt safe and happy and since January I have been a wandering soul as the rains keep me away from my safe haven.

Today the sky is blue, the forecast is dreadful but I am a survivor, I will not give in to the poor me of recent days. I can make changes and plan my return. I can spend time with people I love and I can shout that I have done this without wasting any money (except on new socks and pants, after all I did have to leave in a hurry).

I have weathered !!!! much worse in past times and may well do again in the future as many others have on here but we all have strength within to call on even at the lowest of times, whilst the support on here whether direct or indirect in others diaries is invaluable.

I am safe, dry , warm and loved - what more can anyone ask for.

Hi Dragonfly,

Not too much in the way of words today. I am strung out on cold capsules and have tissue paper stuffed in both nostrils. Just want to toss you a wave and a hug for being you. Honestly, it took me 10 minutes to write this. I am misspelling every other word... Lol. This awful virus will definitely keep me off of the streets this weekend. Keep racking up the days Dragonfly and you are loved!! ((((((((((Dragonfly)))))))))) I have a mask on and am wearing gloves... lol... -joanxxx

My thoughts are with you DF..calmer waters will come..keep believing..it will get better and u get to the peaceful and quiet place u want to b - ur houseboat...

Take care and b kind to urself

S x

Hi DF,

Rain has stopped in East for a couple of days now. Hope it is the same your end, and you finding peace and calmness with urself. Drop us a line please, we are worried about u and ur lovely boathouse by the river...take care

S x

Thanks Sandra

just watching the news from yet another sofa (alternating around family) and my houseboat is slap bang in the middle of the worst flooding of the Thames at Chertsey. Cant get within three miles as all the roads are closed.

A friend with a boat has told me my home was still afloat yesterday but she is moored to the bank by metal rods and if the river goes any higher she will tip over and I will lose everything as I didn't have time to move anything off when I left a week ago.

Trying to stay sane but not easy.

Hope everyone else ok.