Moving on..Day 1 and on

Hey Alex,

It is not easy road we taking, but definitely worth the effort. You are doing it and keep fighting those urges. We all know deep down, that this habit is going to ruin not only financial situation, but loved ones and career as well. It has no stop button...

Keep fighting the good fight and it will get easier in time.You are the winner and should be proud:)

Take care

Sandra x

Wow.. Been a couple or more weeks since my last entry and am surprised to see comments and support. For this, I appreciate it and thank both Chicagoguy and Sandra. It means a lot to have bonded with fellow ex-gambler's on here. Whilst our gambling experiences are all different, the money and time lost higher or lower, we all have so much in common.

I'm thankful to still be bet free and echo the sentiments of chicagoguy here when I say, whilst in my head I've flirted with the idea of gambling again, the sheer distance in time since my last bet stops me from doing it. I fear that one bet is just the trigger for loads more and then..back to square one, a compulsive gambler and my mind a muddle. I don't want that. I have the odd lottery ticket, every other week but as far as placing bets and gambling like that old me, I don't want or need it. Very happy in saying I'm bet free. Still have a lot of work to do on myself, as we all do, but being bet free has helped me this year, I must say.

I think it's nearly a year since I first came here, and I so easily forget how bad I was and was getting. So, I may not have lost a vast amounts of money to others, but it was affecting how I operated throughout the day. Boy, in reflection, I am so glad I came here and got this sorted. I was in a word 'sick' but am much better now. 🙂

-Alex

"If you're going through hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill

Hi Alex,

It's great isn't to look back where we started? I find myself diferent person without gambling head on. I see, i feel, i hear and i set goals for the future...

Be proud of yourself, as Duncs says, recovery is bespoke and never stops giving. Keep gifting yourself your life back and keep looking forward.

Well done

Day at a time

Sandra x

Thanks for your feedback, Sandra. I'm still having the odd urge, like most, but won't give in. You're right! Life is much better. I need to remember that always, during my low moments. I think we often forget how horrible this decease/addiction could leave you feeling. It's like having Bi-polar isn't it? Massive irrational highs, adrenaline rushes, stupidity, then disastrous lows.

I feel so fortunate to have escaped gambling's hold on me.

Thank you all.

Day 277 today...wow.

-Alex

Hi, Thank you so much for posting the links to the Dyer video. I wasn't able to view the Peaceful Warrier video, but I did just finish watching "The Shift". I have to tell you that I had my own little miracle occur while watching it. It was the part when Wayne was talking about visiting the grave of St. Francis of Assisi and then the trek up the staircase with the fellow with cerebral palsy on his back (and incidentally, I've been there myself!). As I watched this very section of the movie, I felt a little twinge in my right hip. I always sit with legs crossed because I find it very uncomfortable to have both feet on the floor. Even in bed, I always have to sleep on my back with my right leg bent. Well, after that scene and the little twinge I felt, I noticed that I had both feet on the floor for the last 45 minutes of the movie. I have never been able to do that (not sit with legs crossed) for more than half a minute! I'm curious to find out if I will be able to lie in bed straight tonight! Anyway, just thought i'd share that. Really enjoyed the movie and while I always feel like a failure at the many attempts I make to change myself, at least just for today, I'm going to surrender ... stop trying anything except that which puts me in service to another. Thanks, again.

And... thanks for the post on my diary. Meant to also congratulate you on your success with this demon. Way to go!

Hey Alex,

Just bumping ur diary back up:)

Hope all is good and you enjoy your life...peace and happiness.

Little update would be great!

Take care and keep fighting the good fight

Sandra x

Thanks Sandra.

Still doing great. Day 293. Feels very strange writing that number down, as this time last year when I came here, I felt utterly hopeless and didn't think I had the willpower and strength to do a month. I now know otherwise though. Anyone can do it. Perseverance and choosing to say no to gambling is all it felt it has taken. Had moments of weakness along the way, as we all have, but am fortunate not to gambled like I did. I can truthfully say that other than few quid on 2ps machines and maybe a tenner on the lottery that's all I have lost. No more poker, no more betting, which were my main problems.

Poker is a weird one though. I used to love it. Now whenever I come across it on tv I just switch it off. I can't stand it. Same with any gambling adverts. And Barbara Windsor still does my head in because of these. She gets my middle figure every time I see her mug on TV peddling gambling. Just kidding 🙂

Very happy about this being day 293 and it being October, a year since I arrived here. Despite those life stresses we all have, I'm not gambling, which is a big old plus in my book. Staying positive and strong.

-Alex

Just doing a flyby to say congrats. I love this forum both for the folks who screw up which lets me know I'm not alone and for the folks, like you, who are making great progress and give me hope. Maybe next year at this time I will be able to claim the same success at staying gamble free. That's the goal, anyway. Have a great week!

Thank you again, Carla 🙂

Still doing well. Something has bothered me though. It seem pay pal has ventured into its own gambling racket and has ads plastered over its main page. I hope they realise what a mistake it is to mixed up with any form of gambling. I like ***, so I'm annoyed by it.

-Alex

It's about a year since I first came here and made my first major post in the introductions forum that got me started on my road to recovery. I feel very mixed about this. I wish I'd have had the courage to have done this earlier, but am glad I made that first post a year ago and made my first attempt at quitting. In truth, I discovered this site early on in my addiction, maybe a few months in and kick myself for not having joined up there and then, but that denial factor crept in and alas I did not join up.

Anyhoo, about 11 months after this I made that introduction post on here that got me started on this journey. Whilst I fluffed up early on, it on made me more determined to succeed. Since December 22nd I've been gamble/bet free. Not always be easy, I must say, but always worth it.

Moving on, I called this diary. I feel I have done. To gamble now to me, would be beyond stupid. Yet, others have done it and I'll always be vigilant as I think we're all at risk of being enticed and ensnared again. Whilst I don't think I could gamble again right now, there may come a point where I'll be tested, but my whole recovery will lead me to make the right choice in saying no to it.

Soon enough, I will move on from here, probably when my year point hits in a couple of months. However for now, a thank you to all who've supported me in my journey here that's enabled me to conquer my gambling problem this year and hopefully for life too.

-Alex

Well done Alex to see that you are still going strong in your recovery.

Stay commited and determined in your quest.

Take care.

Feb.

Made a big booboo today. Feel terrible. I've gambled again. What an idiot, I am. Bit shocked I've done this after 10 months. I suppose, nip it in the bud. No chasing losses. Move on, again.

I had a sports bet, something I've had the urge to act on for a while, off and on. Whilst these were never my problem with my gambling compulsion I feel guilty and ashamed at myself. I haven't lost loads of money, just £20, but realize just one bet could be the start of the chain, so I'm writing this to continue my recovery again and to stop myself from doing it again.

Silly I have been. I could blame a rough weekend, but it's me that's been the weak one here.

we are all able of slipping but the fact you are saying you fell but you are going to get up and starting again on the road to be gamble free is the right thing to do

Thanks digglesnan. I just can't afford to risk starting that horrible vicious cycle off again. I'm very down at the moment. It's awkward for me to talk about my personal life, but something that happened yesterday to a relative has really shaken me up. My grandad was sitting there talking to me one moment and the next he was having a seizure. I've never seen anything like it in my life and thought he was going to drop dead. Worst of all, I was stuck there on my own, clueless of what to do. Thankfully he was okay, but it was a real shock for me, especially not know whether he was dying or not. I just didn't know.

I know shouldn't blame my slip on that, but on me, but I feel so depressed because of it. Now even worse though, as I used gambling as an escape again.

I will continue with my recovery though, that's for sure. I don't want days like this again. Gambling today isn't the escape it was, as I just see through it all and already know what a con and joke it is.