Moving on..Day 1 and on

Surprised at your slip Alex but good honest posting and good support you are giving to others despite your own troubles.

Your slip serves as a reminder to all to guard against complacency.

Best wishes for continued recovery.

I was definitely complacent. My whole life seems in a bit of rut at the moment and I acted in the most foolish way possible. As repeated though, I'm not overly unhappy at this slip, as it was better now than later, as I would have most likely left here and then have gambled again. My major failing has been my denial over whether sports are a danger to me or not. I would have said not, but now think they're just something which could tempt me back to my old ways with uncontrolled gambling on anything involving some risk. It happened this way this weekend.

No gambling for me at all, I must accept this. These last 10 months have been wonderful, I have had highs and lows, but to have not gambled has been brilliant. I don't need it, despite the slip.

Life is good though, despite the rut I'm in. Don't need to gamble again.

Almost forgot..I confided in my dad about my slip today. I was afraid to but was relieved as he was very understanding. He reminded me also that he too was a problem gambler who often did the same as me, sometimes wasting £30-40 a day on fruit machines, long before the days of internet gambling. It felt good to just get it out and be honest with someone. I'm glad I did this.

Well done Alex - Honesty is the best policy!!

Take care.

Feb.

Well done Alex - Honesty is the best policy!!

Take care.

Feb.

Very relieved today, as it turns out my slip wasn't as costly as previously thought. I don't earn much, I must admit as I'm self-employed and sometimes I struggle to motivate myself to do more and more work. It beats signing on, but I must work harder over the next year to avoid that fate again. I spent 4 years signing on, so I know all about it and don't wish to be there again. Don't read to much into people who claims benefits, I will say, as most are literally trapped in what I call the benefit trap. I'm fortunate not to be on them now and should appreciate that. I will definitely work harder and hope there is still a job for me to next year, so I can earn that much more. I'm guessing I'm not the only self-employed person who has struggled with gambling though. I imagine there are many.

Anyway, I have a little bit of money left in my account, which is good, as before when I've gambled I have had nothing at all. I've been lucky this time. There will not be a next time, so I'm even more relieved.

Hey Alex,

Really pleased for you. stood up straight and strong - be proud!!!!!..i am proud of you.

For the better tomorrow

Keep fighting and be kind to yourself:-)

S x

Thanks Sandra, I will keep fighting this. That's why I needed to post now...

Okay. Short and sweet entry to myself...Stop looking up gambling videos on youtube. I don't go searching for them, they just appear as recommended on the side of all other video., as I have searched for them in the past. I keep clicking on them though and I shouldn't. More often than not, I will think they're mugs for gambling, but it triggers unwanted urges and has done just now. Okay, I will not view these video anymore. I can't. I must fight on. Anything that tempts me back is a big no-no.

Hi Alex

I agree with you and would defo say "no" to watching any gambling videos. Like I said, just keep it short and simple with a very powerful word "NO"!!

Take care.

Feb.

NO Is something to remember, Feb. A simple but powerful word to use in our arsenal against urges. I'll remember this, should I have urges come up. Thank you.

Still doing well, I feel. Have what I feel are aftershocks from my slip, where I have urges, but knowing I'd have to have another weekend like the last stops them in there tracks. Urges are like nasty critters in my mind that I squash with common sense and that word 'No!' or the devil tempting me back for one last bet, to which my reply to him is "b***** off'"."

"You have the choice, you may not feel like you do, but you do. I worked it out like this. If I feel like gambling, I ask myself one question. What will you gain? Nothing, what will you lose, everything, because compulsive gamblers don't gamble to win, they gamble to lose. Even when I've won, I've gambled until I've lost it all again, how stupid is that?"

- Msgk on Lia's diary.

I was quite struck by this above, as I feel it's true to me (and everyone here, I suppose), especially playing to lose. I often felt I also lost intentionally with silly bets to hurt myself as well, to suffer for messing up. I had some painful days doing this. Something I don't miss. I was hooked completely at the time and played poker until the early morning and would just throw my money away in a haze. I feel ashamed that I got like this, but concede it was all part of the addiction and I'm passed that now.

Anyway, a reminder to myself for inner strength this weekend. I most likely won't gamble but having slipped as I have done I should push myself to think on the magic triangle, as I think of it. That is Time, money, and location and the removal of one of those to not be able to gamble.

In short, I'll be up town, will withdraw my money and treat myself while saving the rest for a safe location. Should be fine.

On Sunday I also plan to just get back on my bicycle again, something I've missed doing a lot of during the past 2 and bit years. Sunday will be good, but I must push myself to achieve this goal. I should remember that before gambling took hold, I had no issue getting out and about on my bike, cycling for upwards of 30 miles. I will do this again. I have to want to do it and believe in myself again.

-Alex

Had a good weekend. Did let myself down in the cycling aspect, as I just couldn't find the motivation to do it this morning. How things have changed in me? I will work on this on this with the reminder to myself that I have done upwards of some several 1000 miles and have absolutely nothing fear. Preparation for today was good, but I lacked belief in myself. Could I really do 30 miles again?

YES.

Anyway, 1 week has passed since my last slip and despite the usual urges that came following stopping, I've done okay. I don't need to gamble, I know this much, but I will remain ever strong from now on. Life can throw some crappy hands at you, I must except this, but to gamble because of them is one step back for me. I no longer need to gamble.

There is one big plus at the moment. I haven't smoked in a while. I have opted for an electronic cigarette and throughout October had about 11 f**s in total. I think my next step will be quitting the e-cig and being completely free of nicotine. Again, I can do that too.

-Alex

good for you and good luck on giving up nicotine stay focused on what you want

Thank you, Digglesnan. Nicotine is one hell of a drug. I hope I'll be rid of it soon. Being that I'm free of tobbaco, I'm in a good position to kick it all now. Just a few more days with the e-cigs and I may give it a go. Regardless of whether I do it, it's good to not smoke anymore.

Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.

- Winston Churchill