Moving on..Day 1 and on

Doing good, Digglesnan. Hope to be out sooner than spring. I've been out in all kinds of bad weather - heavy rain, snow and even quite stupidly when there's been ice on the roads.

Worst time I've been out cycling is being about 25 miles from home, the worst weather you can imagine, cycling with the wind in front of me, making it twice as hard. Add to that, it was freezing cold and raining...but I got home. Worst thing about that day was knowing I'd have to cycle back home with two feet that were like blocks of ice, as I just couldn't feel them.

You learn a thing or two when you do stuff like that, I believe. Mainly that you sometimes just have to push yourself to achieve your goals, what ever they may be. Also, whatever you're going through, despite it all, there is an end point. Things never go on and on without an end.

Will be back on the road again soon.

Cycling and fishing are two things I miss, but struggle to motivate myself to do. I need to push myself again and be fearless like I was.

All the best

Alex

hi how are you ? never been fishing my grand dad use to go fishing and rabbiting use to have rabbits hung in kitchen yuck.

how are you? thanks for your support and thoughts they really do help .

I'm doing well, Digglesnan. Thank you for asking. Another Saturday has come and I haven't gambled...Saturdays were my week point once. Not anymore. Add to that I've stopped smoking (now 2 months smoke free). Things are good, right now. As of today, I've also stopped using my electronic cigarette..though the truth is I ran out of the juice you put in it. Feel irritable but that passes soon enough.

Be back sooner or later. Having a break from the internet for a while as mindless surfing is doing my head in. Back in 2 weeks or so.

All the best

Alex

thanks for post .good to hear your doing so well . managed to get on your bike yet? tried to do some christmas shopping but couldn t be bothered to busy I normally would have finished by now

Yeah, I still go out every other day on my bike, but only short distances at the moment. Building myself up to 'the big one' again, which is a good 30-35 mile trip, there and back on the east coast up near Lowestoft. Soon enough, I'll be back out again on these longer rides.

Physically, I'm still in good health, so there's no reason I can't do it. I think it's all down in the preparation. Realistically, I could jump on my bike and do these longer journeys now, but I just can't psyche myself up enough right now. I have a mental block and I'm all out of balance...Strange to think back a couple of years or so, as I'd wake myself up on a Sunday morning and just get out there. Since my troubles began, which isn't just my gambling problem, my ability to do this has ceased. Stranger still though, I think getting out there and maintaining a few hobbies like cycling will help me though. I need to psyche myself up now, I think.

hi how are you ? I really wish I could ride a bike be able to get further up canal.

Nearly just made a mess of things again. Been getting urges all evening for a game of poker, which have been bothering me to the point where I tried to log in to an old account I had. Thankfully, I couldn't get in, as I find out I'd self-exluded for 5 years (yay?) . And just as I was about to sign up to a new site, I thought "Balls to this." and came back here instead.

Been over a year since I last played a proper hand of poker online and it is one of those things I admit to missing. In my head, I've been thinking "Just 20 quid, no more" but I've been there before and it brought me nothing but bother. I need to remember that.

Glad I have not gambled. Staying strong. Just need to remember there is nothing to gain from gambling. It's been the the ultimate illusion and the greatest thief to me. I not only lost money, but part of myself. I don't need to do that again.

All is good.

-Alex

Hi Alex,

Be proud my friend!! Demon will always stay close by, patiently waiting to strike.

It takes a minute to turn one way or another.

Today, you made the right choice Alex and stopped the merry go round before it's started

Keep strong and take care

Sandra x

Hi how are you ? son off school ill so only having computer for short times .glad to see you stayed strong for yourself good for you.

Yeah, messed up my weekend already. I gambled again. When will I learn? I haven't lost loads, but the 60 quid I have lost serves as a reminder not do this stupid s*i* anymore. Not really upset, just a little disappointed in myself for being a stupid idiot again.

I have a mixture of emotions at the moment. Relief, I self-excluded. Regret, I gambled again. Sadness at wasting hours playing poker again.

I never believed I'd do it again, but I have. It was briefly enjoyable, but then I lost and lost again, as I just can't stop myself. I lost money and time. The enjoyment turned to annoyance, then black depression. That's how it felt. I've played for hours and for most of that time, I was sick of myself. Disbelief. I was doing so well. How could I been playing this s*i* again.

I've gambled twice this year. I think my total loses are about 150 quid, which is measly compared to the year before, but regrettable as I didn't need to waste this money gambling, as well as losing my time and wasting my life away.

Lesson learned again. The hard way. I cannot flippin' gamble anymore. Get it in your head and move on.

14th December 2013 - THE END OF ME 'THE GAMBLER'.

It feels good to share this. And the burden is lessened now. I'm not going to dwell on this slip too much, or gambling for that matter. I don't need to gamble anymore.

I think these slips, are me looking back with rose-tinted sunglasses at that old me and wanting a taste of my gambling past. The 'glory' days. HAHA. What a flippin' joke. I never needed to gamble in the first place and don't need to now.

I was troubled, lost.

I don't need that again.

I'm okay now.

Life is hard sometimes, yes. But to gamble. Haha. After this weekend, I don't advise it to myself.

A final goodbye to Gambling

Dear 'Mr Gambler'

This really has to be it. The final nail in the coffin. I have to walk away this time from you gambling. This time for good. No return on the account of old memories that come up, or the chance of an odd's on bet, or one last game of poker. It is over gambling. You've given me nothing but s*i*. Eaten the contents of my wallet, stolen my time, and left me dazed and confused. I am stronger now. You don't have hold me, any longer.

Good riddance you awful wretch.

What joy has gambling brought me - NONE.

What did I give up - NOTHING.

What do I gain by leaving gambling in my past - EVERYTHING.

-Alex

Hi Alex,

I hope you keeping strong and do listen to your own wise words above. It can be slippery road, but we can't give up..keep standing strong, better days will come, belief will come back and strength will grow daily.

You can do it. You are real inspiration to many of us and i wish you all the best.

Don't isolate, keep posting. We are here, we understsnd.

Sandra x

Thanks to you both. I'm doing much better now.

Haven't gambled since my unfortunate slip of Friday and Saturday. It was only a small amount I lost, but it still felt like one of those old gambling binges. I'm still a bit disappointed, but given I've only gambled the twice this year, I'm very happy for having a sense of control back in my life. Still, the ultimate goal is to not gamble, and after every slip, I find it less likely that I'll gamble again. I've stopped counting in days now, as I found it didn't help and only made me think of gambling. All I can say is, I'm a compulsive gambler who just can't gamble anymore.

To put things in some perspective, the amount I've lost over the maybe 2-3 days of gambling this year was once lost over and over, month after month at one time. At my worst, I lost about 300 quid over a two hours, 200 quid on a sports bet etc. I know there are people who've lost masses more, but to me now these amounts of money and me gambling this money away, is beyond crazy. It was like I was possessed. Maybe the craziest thing though, is the time wasted. You never get that back. It makes me very depressed thinking I wasted so much time hooked on gambling and wasting my life away.

Also, I think I played to lose and in a sense cause self-harm. It's a strange thing, gambling was to me. I really do believe, I was self-harming intentionally. I needn't do that anymore, and must accept I have no reason to gamble at all now.

Doing well. Many great plans for a future without the hindrance of gambling.

-Alex

Been a week since I made the stupid decision to gamble again and once again lost control. I didn't lose much, self-excluded a day later, learned from the experience and am not angry with myself. I have done extremely well over the last year and have a lot to be grateful for. The two slips I've had this year were annoying as I really wanted to reach December 22nd, a year free of gambling. It wasn't to be. However, many wonderful things have happened since I regained some semblance of control in my life and again, I'm grateful that I have gained a lot from all the days I have not gambled.

I won't say I will never gamble again. I have a problem with gambling and need to remember that, especially should an urge creep up. I am stronger that these urges always. I have the power to make the right choice and that is not to gamble.

-Alex

Hi Alex.

You should be proud of yourself - gambling just twice in one whole year is a great achievement. Gambling is not wrong and plenty people do it in a controlled manner - I used to and I enjoyed it and sometimes, still miss it. However, when it takes over your life, as it did with many of us on here, then unfortunately, we have to think differently about as it is no longer just an enjoyable hobbie.

Merry Christmas Alex.

Feb.

Look after yourself and remain strong. 22nd of December is still a good day for you to celebrate the fact that you have abstained from gambling for a total of 363 days!!! A huge well done.