Moving on..Day 1 and on

Hi Alex. Hope you are well. I meant to say three quarters of a century IN DAYS!!!

Take Cate and speak soon.

Feb.

Doing fine. Now at Day 55, with no urges whatsoever. That will different on Saturday as there is football but I won't be undoing all my hard work in staying gamble free, so no betting. The further I get from that last day I gambled back in December the easier it gets. Still on guard, but the chances of me gambling anytime soon are slim to none.

Hi Alex

Really glad to hear you ate still doing so well. Keep up your strength and determination on Saturday to remain gamble free. Well done.

Feb.

Hi Alex

Glad to hear you are doing so well.

Weekend are always the tough as their are more advert/poster and other stuff that they try to lore you in with. Stay strong and if you do feel like the urges are coming back go for a run or hang out with friends and family to distract you from the urges.

Had another long bottom post which vanished when my computer just shut itself down. grrr.

In short though. I won't be gambling. I have things I'll be doing and last thing on my would be to set up another online gambling account. Back in a few days.

Stay strong, people.

-Alex

Back already. Just to let people know. Got through the day alright. I did treat myself and didn't spend much. Went up town, spent a quid, went home. Didn't gamble that quid either.

Did buy a DVD boxset online earlier as well, but considering this is money I would have gambled before I'm not begrudging myself for buying the x-files 1-9 plus the movies. Happy not to have gambled. Very much looking forward to the 22nd of February, which will be two months gamble free.

Back soon.

-Alex

So pleased for you Alex, demonstrating your strength and determination and buying yourself a little treat along the way!!

Take care and speak soon.

Feb.

Thank you, Feb. I am still pretty skint at the moment but I'm so happy not to be stuck in that dark place gambling leaves you in. I needed a treat or two. It'll probably be the last for a while, as I need to start saving again, as well clear debt but I am well again in my mind and there is a sort focus and clarity there again. I am staying focused, as I feel I need to take on the other demons in my life. Slacking with work, smoking, not getting enough exercise etc. No person is perfect, but you have to make an effort to grow, in mind, body and spirit. I just want to sort myself out again. Fix myself. Kicking gambling and realizing I didn't need it anyway, is the start of that next chapter.

All the best

Alex

Keep fighting it alex as I will we can beat this I know it will follow your diary stay strong my friend

The bear

Hi Alex

Thank you for the post on my diary and its always nice when someone get can some inspiration from my words.

I buy myself a nice bottle of whiskey every pay day I reach without a gamble, maybe not the healthiest option but its nice to remind ourselves of the little treats and luxuries we used to ignore and begrudge ourselves when gambling. Used to love the x-files, especially first couple of seasons.

I know that feeling of the fog being to clear and you start looking at other areas of your life you feel need changing. For me at the moment I am taking that part slow and trying not to fix everything at once.

I wish you well in your recovery.

Rob

Thanks Bear and Rob.

I have to agree with you Rob, I need to take things slowly and tackle them one thing at a time. I'm still lacking in motivation which is hard as I find myself getting really lazy. I hate being lazy, but since I started gambling a couple of years ago I shut myself from people I knew and things I did. Not completely, but it is still affecting me now.

I have something to focus on this week, again. Should help. Gonna finish up with some decorating and try to get out a bit further on my bike. That ain't too much.

You are right about not rushing these things.

I am coping very well with not gambling now though. I can't say I've had the urge to gamble in a while now. To begin with I did miss betting but now I can see what a tool I was as my life is ultimately better without it.

Doing well. In this for the long haul. Staying on guard and strong.

All the best

Alex

Thanks Alex - I know, one whole month!! My next mini goal is 50 days and you know too well how that feels!!

Take care Alex and speak soon. (Can't wait to have my laptop back up and running on Wed when I have paid the bill)!!!

Hey Alex,

Way to stay strong! Check out my last post on my diary, it's in reference to the post you liked about the "Slot Machine". Interesting I must say, and where both on to something. Keep strong and gamble free!

Sincerely,

Chicagoguy

(Clear my mind post)

Just been pondering over the past three or so years. I was fine, in good sound health about three years ago. I was very work focused, socialized with friends, then one night when I was about to head out the door my sister told me "That [insert rude word] has lung cancer", my stepdad. She didn't get on with him. Neither did I but I was shocked and as I went down in the car to the cinema that night, I couldn't help but be concerned for my 'stepdad'. I hadn't spoken to or seen him for years. In fact the last I saw him before this, I clouted him round the head.

Anyway, one month later, I head out the door go on my usual Sunday bike ride. I see my Uncle. Another person I hadn't spoken to in a very long time. I wanted to shout out "Hi" but as I got closer, with him in front, I realize it isn't my uncle but a doppelganger, a deadringer. I felt that was bloomin' close. I nearly called out to random stranger. It did put in my mind what a great relationship I had with him over the years, him being a good friend to me. Again, though, I hadn't spoken to him in ages. What happened later that day would change my life forever. Continued on the bike ride, 20 plus miles, on the way back I bump into an old friend and we talk, me now walking my bike. It's so clear in my mind. Then I get back home. I sit at the computer, my sister walk in, in tears. "Uncle Henry has died."

I burst into tears.

The next few days I really go off the rails, even starting smoking again, as it was one of those things I remembered from my time with my uncle. His wisdom and life experience shared over f*g and a pint. Silly really. Yet again, very clear in my mind.

Anyway, the funeral comes and goes.

Some months later.

Then there is my 'Stepdad'. Slowly dying a horrible death. Yet I make my peace with him, but as I was around the house so often helping my mum I saw his slow decline. Weaker and weaker. One day a really nasty smell. The smell I'll never forget. It was the cancer rotting his body. Yet, still he fought on and bravely. In his dying days he told me "I am going to the place from before birth..where we come from before we are born" It was one of the most profound things ever said to me. It might not make sense to people, but it did to me, as I have almost been killed myself when I was a child and experienced the most amazing peace, despite nearly being killed. NDE? I don't know. I hope I don't sound daft, as what he said might make people think he wants to go back to his mothers womb. I don't mean that.

The cancer got him in the end. It was very sad. My mind was all over the place during all this period.

Subsequently, about 7 months after he died, I was at my widowed aunties house when she had some company. This old guy chirps up about punting on the horses and winning. Ah, I excitedly thought to myself. I'll have some of that with the poker. It began. A year before this, I was fine, people were alive that now aren't and I wasn't on the road to self-destruction. I got home, set up an account on a gambling site and that was the biggest mistake I've made in a while.

Still, how we learn from it. 🙂

Things are slowly getting better. Yet, you have to make the effort.

Day 58/9 bet free I believe.

-Alex

“A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms against himself.”

― Alexandre Dumas