Mr Grumpy: Round 3 and a half

Yo,

That is grim. There are things please take note Steg that ladies do not need to or want to see.

I think I am right in saying you are both single at present ??

Ever wondered why , think it may be time for the BBs to give you a lesson or two, about charming the ladies .

Jon re your post this morning , always be honest , cause other wise what's the point , as to loosing the inclination almost every one does (except Duncs ), Flagg , Castle , but both have come out the other side . It's annoying , it's frustrating but keep going mate .

Anyways hope you have healed enough to play again tomorrow , hate to see you eating beans on toast for nothing

Shiny xxxxxxx

HI John,

Hows the blister ? Hope you make it to the golf course today and your head isnt to bad.

thought these might come in useful. ;

The Unwritten Rules of Golf

•No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse

•Never keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.

•When you look up and cause an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.

•The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.

•If you want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

•Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

Blondie x

Day: 3 of 5

Tried to post this last night, it was a long post too, but pressed the wrong button and "abrcadabra", it disappeared.

I have bad news, indifferent news and good news.

Bad news: I gambled again, 15 minutes worth. My 28 day free trial block was up a couple of days ago. When I rebooted my comp it told me so, so i had a check on the 2 sites that i used to use and one of them had put another £250 in my account. Blindly I decided to gamble £50 of it and withdraw the rest. It was not an enjoyable 15 minutes. Those old feelings came back and I didn't like them.

Indifferent News: I got up to £350 and stopped and withdrew the lot. Now I don't know, if I had lost would I have carried on? Probably... but I stopped... and it felt different.

Good news: I have finally purchased a 12 month blocking software thing... did it straight away once I had withdrawn the money.

It is easy to see in retrospect that I had left a chink open. As my free trial ran down it felt like a countdown to a moment I could access them again from my comp, now I have a 12 month breathing space... no countdown and a feeling of commitment to my recovery.

All our journeys are different, and maybe this is how I needed to get on the right path for me. I was lucky that I didn't use my own money to find out what I found out, but it now feels like that step backwards reaffirmed what I thought I knew. There was no pleasure in it, and whilst the changes to my feelings are small compared to others, they have changed and I have changed, and I need to continue doing so.

Buying the block feels like I have lifted a weight off my shoulder and that I can relax a little. It has taken me just over 3 months to get here, 3 minor slips and a lot of support from the good people on here.

Going Golfing.

Jon

Yo,

Oh well alls well that ends well. Blocking software paid. Golfing paid. 12 months of knowing if you log on it won't work so no point trying .

It's done it's over . You have from your post learnt a few things about yourself which is good.

One word of caution, having been there, seen it done it! Your addictive personality could have convinced you that you have enough control to withdraw or stop when ever you want , I hope with all my heart that over the coming days, weeks, months , it does not talk you into seeking another avenue to gamble believing you can stop at any given time .

Anyways like I said alls well that ends well . I really hope this is the end.

Enjoy your golf , decent blister plasters required .

Seriously my friend be on your guard , and a do not mean just from renegade golf balls.

Shiny xxxxxxx

Cheers shiny,

I understand what you have said. I know my addiction is what it is... and it is online. I felt relief that it was over when I withdrew, no great happiness because of the money, relief that I stopped after 15 minutes, relief that even though I won, it was not a nice experience, and the final relief that I have a permanent 12 month block in place.

But I will heed your warning as, having ended your term in office as "the fairy", you seem to have been promoted to " the prophet". You saw this coming.

Thanks Jon

Hi Jon,

Just flying by, but wondered how you were. It's good to hear that you have got those blocks in place longer term, especially as you are maybe more sensitised after having a minor setback. I know I was especially vulnerable even after what may have seemed like a trivial exposure to a casino game. everyone is different, but for me, it triggered an awakening of the desire to lose myself in the destructive pattern I was trying to break away from.

Best wishes for overcoming your triggers.

Rose

Morning Tiger, (woods that is lol )

So dancing with the devil turned into a bit of a smooch, a wise man once said to me BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK lol, and there all in place now so that sigh of releif can be breathed.

Tell me to shut up but I feel i have to say this, its like you knew that your blocks were coming to an end and the excitement of that door being opened to gamble was getting ever closer.

You said "Now I don't know, if I had lost would I have carried on? Probably... but I stopped... and it felt different."

Would you of stopped 6 months ago ? You stopped it felt different, maybe its what you needed to do to feel that difference, maybe its shown you that it doesnt have the same allure that it did, and maybe you knew that already and this was just the final affirmation.

People expereince and learn things in there own way and I believe that lessons are presented in different forms untill we learn them. Things have changed which means you are changing in your own way, in your own time, and thats what this is all about.

Enjoy the golf, hope the blisters are a little better, and remember that 4th shot lol.

Blondie x

You stopped at the right time.

You used the rare unexpected bonus to buy the most important long-term solution you will ever buy.

But have you thought about what would have happened had you lost all that £350 plus a further £500?

Would it have been similar to what you spent ages thinking about whether to join that golf club or not?

Well done for blocking, now you can hopefully relax knowing that more blocks are in place.

NT

delete your posts off my diary...

gone

.

Jesus.... I have no problem with you having a diary... and never have had.

I was responding, and maybe I shouldn't have, to Ade and Flaggs post. I agreed with them that the comment that they took exception to was not approprite... that was all.... then you flew off the handle.

I would have welcomed a civilised talk about it... and I am open to changing my mind on things.... but not by someone who at this moment in time sees everything and everyone as a threat.

I have read supporters diaries and commented on a few... I have nothing but symapathy for anyone who has lived with somebody with this problem... but it would be inappropriate for me or anyone else to post something like "just get over it" on that forum... which to me is not that much different to a nongambler coming on this forum and calling all gamblers liars. The cross over should be only support.

On the post I removed on yours Rach.. I had said all this... but removed it as you said you did not want to carry it on any further.

I say again... I have never had a problem with you having a diary at all and for you to accuse me of that is very unfair.

did you read Amelias post on Mikes diary.. think thats what we were saying.

.

Hi Jon...

Thanks for being the bigger person here and taking the time to look at CODA ..yep ..it will seem odd to a lot of people....

I haven't any problem with you to be honest..I am very hypersensitive right now to any suggestion that I have to change even slightly and let things go or move from the familiar or that new should replace old... and I am in danger of taking things the wrong way no matter how well intended..(I know you've not said all that)

I get this outside of here and this is where I hide out and commune in my own head.

Jon...I have no personal axe to grind...Im thrilled you are posting because right now Im carrying the responsibility and guilt of people who may have slipped because of me or feel sad which is too much pressure..and this is exactly how I felt when I was with my ex.

Im not perfect and never professed to be..I air all my dirty washing people should know that about me by now.

No hard feelings and apologies for bursting....I deleted my last posts from your diary but if there're are any more let me know...you can do without that on your thread.

Keep on your journey...your doing fab

Rachel xx

x

Morning Sir,

Just wanted to stick my ore in to see where are you ?

I have some concerns that all the swinging you have doing may have resulted in being unable to post .

Seriously though just wanted to see if you were ok ,

Don't be a stranger !

Shiny xxxxxxxxxxx

Keep on trucking, hope all is well.