My 2016 diary

Hi Kris

Just wanted to say well done on your progress so far. I would advise you to make those blocks on yr conputer impossible to remove however.

Like you, I lost over £40k over 3 yrs ago. I have a block on my computer and this helped me to abstain for coming up to two and a half years. I also had one on my phone but since having this one, I have not been able to put K9 on it. This aided me to have a few gambling bouts from April - Dec of last year. I decided to do something about it, before it got out of hand again so came back on here and excluded myself from everything for the maximum period of five years.

The blocks really work the most in my experience but only if you dont have access to unblock them yourself. Have a good think about it.

Take care and remain strong.

Feb.

Hey there,

The blocks are there as a time saver and wouldnt stop me even if i tried everything as i work in I.T I could spin up a VM and use that or simply log onto another PC (of which i can access 100's of servers / pc's at any time) but all of which require time to do and isnt as straight forward as just using my pc.... I went the extra mile here and I no longer have access to my cards .. I removed any trace of them from paypal etc and put a stop to them.. Doing this has been the greatest help as I can't gamble what i dont have 🙂 I have a simple bank account which i could use to gamble but I am keeping strong and using this site to keep on track. .. I have a long road ahead as i've managed months before but I was always in control back then wasn't till this last year or 8 months that it got bad..

Was a strange night as this was the first day i woke up and felt the regret again... been about a week since that happened which has installed a greater will to beat this.. as much as i'd like to forget it all I wan't to be able to remember what i did and why I wont again..

22 days gamble free :)))

Hi there , just wanted to say well done for going the extra mile reg your access to money , as you said you can always get around the blocks but the no funds keeps the triangle broken ! The feelings of regret do get easier , it's just part of letting go of the past . Your doing well my friend, keep it up ! Best wishes !

cheers Alan 🙂

Its only the start but everything starts at some point 🙂 I've had a call today about counselling which was arranged through calling the gamcare line so going to try that (it cant hurt) .. I kind of know what triggered my excessive gambling .. Im a man of routine and when the wife went back to work after her maternity it threw my work / life balance right out of the window and i guess i didn't feel in control anymore .. its my take on it but i could be wrong 🙂 so I have to try and keep some sort of routine in my life and if that means coming on here daily and babbling then its something..

whats strange is how i dont feel i was an excessive gambler... I have never spent everything to a point where i couldnt pay a bill / rent / food / petrol etc .. but like any gambler when you go chasing you will chase till the end.... I did unfortunately and that was the killer.. I had been so good at paying everything i had huge avail credit .. and i didnt once think what would happen if i lost it all .... I can now answer that lol .. its not all doom and gloom though as much as what i thought it would be in the first 2 weeks... money is money.. i dont own a house so cant take that.. I was working all hours to make ends meet before so now i can cut that down and start enjoying the finer things in life .. like LIFE and family.. what happens finacially is pretty much out of my hands so I'm just going to keep adding the days to the gambling free days clicker and look forward to a nice summer with my boy who should be able to enjoy this one with me .. 16months old now.. 🙂

kris

Hi Kris and thanks for your post on my diary .

It's great that you understand what your trigger was , sometimes we have to really explore deeply to come up with an answer and some will never get it . I too didn't feel I was an excessive gambler but those Fobt's really took a hold of me , enough to push me over the edge so to speak .

Glad your sounding a bit more positive , as you said at the end of the day it's just money and that with time can be replaced .

The counciling sounds a great idea and may give you what you need to start focusing on the rest of your life and that precious family of your's and thats whats really important , not some selfish fix we get from throwing our money down the drain .

Take care for now my friend and keep posting , your doing great !

Best wishes ..............Alan

Well done Kris you taking the right steps and I can only echo our friend Alan's words. If you can stop the gambling the rest will start to look after itself in time

KTF

Hi Kris, sorry it's taken me so long to welcome you onto the diary section...Welcome 🙂

Not feeling like an excessive gambler is very common...It's what kept my 'dream' alive for so long & now I can see it for what it was, denial! Congratulations for taking the steps that you have taken & be patient with your wife...May be worth letting her know there is support for her out there too (on here or through Gamanon)! If she is still not ready & you find yourself wanting to talk more often than the counselling provides, as well as coming here there are GA rooms all over the country which may help you feel a little less alone & offer you a new 'routine' once the counselling finishes.

There will be up days & down days but that's just life, finally you're giving yourself a chance to live it - ODAAT

Hi KTF and ODAAT..

Thank you both.. it seems we all relate quite well in the journey to the end of gambling .. we all have control then it all goes and we wake up to the mess we managed to create, be it weeks months years etc ,. there;s only one ending.. I'm now on day 23 no gambling.. watched a few scores come in last night and if i'd have bet then i wouldn't have won anything from what i saw.. so i'm £5/£10 to the good (footie bets never got out of control) ..

Think me and the wife are getting there.. i can see why it's hard for her and she was really good towards me when it all happened as i guess she realised just how c**P i was feeling and didnt want to add to that so I'm lucky on that front.. I will make it up to her.. I can still work extra if i need (cash in hand) so can help her to pay for driving lessons which can only help us all 🙂

Got a first credit card bill today .. only £45 minimum payment but i can't pay one without them all so I'm just going to leave it and hold out for the IVA. I have a nice buffer (8th feb due date) and I got the ball rolling with the IVA begining of JAN so hopefully there wont be much contact from creditors for a while / ever but i have to accept things may not be all roses as i had just got a loan 3 weeks before i ended up in this mess and they could request banckruptcy ... again not sure if that's a punishment or not as i would only have to pay for 3 years instead of 5 and i have nothing they can take so hoping the IVA will be accepted .. be monitoring my emails for the draft that should come through this week..

have a good day all

Kris

Hi Kris,

I hope your IVA gets sorted out quickly, so you can have some peace of mind, once we sort our debt out, the relief is nearly as enormous as when we come clean with our loved ones, no consolation for them sadly, they have been given a very hard punch all in one go;(( but am sure your wife will support you and get to terms with your destruction, when she sees you are totally committed to recovering, and you being totally honest and open with her:)) she will also very quickly see the difference in you, which can only be positive.

Keep strong and patient, you have put important bricks in place now to build on

Well done

Suzanne xxx

Thanks Suzanne 🙂 I hope so too .. Everything will get better with time I'm sure about that..

So we are day 24 gamble free and I'm sure I'll make the milestone of 1 month .. Not going to try and win (loose) anymore I shall just go with the flow of it and hopefully in doing so everything will be ok and not in any more mess

Kris

Well day 25!!! That month is getting closer .. 🙂 it's at times like this I realise what a plonker .. Iva is almost drafted so that's good .. The sun is out so that is defenately good !! My little lad is sleeping through a lot more so feeling the extra sleep a bit more another good .. It's freezing (well we can't have everything ) lol

Really starting to feel positive about the gaming side and apart from the odd few silly thoughts and temptations I'm still strong !! Having no access to cards/money has been the greatest help .. Can't gamble what I don't have !!

Looking forward to the month only 6 days to go !! I can do this

kris

Afternoon Kris, Wow !, lot of positives there good buddy !.

We all the regret the wad's of money weve chucked down the drain, none so more than me , especially when we get unexpected bills or the devil decides to " puke in yer kettle " but we can't change our past , only our future , someone on here said " It's ok to look back but don't stare for too long ", true word's for us all !.

That month is fast approaching and youv'e done so well to sort things out , it will get easier my friend and any urges will pass more quickly .

Keep racking up those day's , one day at a time !

Have a great one kris !

Alan

DAY 28 gamble free 🙂 just 3 more days till a month.. 🙂

Hey Alan, lot's of positives indeed... though willing ones life away isn't a good thing I just want january to END ..

starting to get my first statements through for my cards, though they're not getting paid as I will run out of money before everyone is paid so treating them all the same and giving them nothing each .. I wan't/need the IVA draft to come quickly so I can see it's all progressing and then can settle a little..

Lets hope feb is a better month .. the lighter days will soon be upon us and then can start to enjoy the evenings a little more

Heres to another gamble free day 🙂

Kris

Never a good month for many of us kris , January blues amd all the c.r.a.P that comes with it. Shame about the car mate but that's what we pay insurance companies for but all the same an additional inconvenience you don't need right now! Things will get sorted mate , just keep focusing on your goal! Stay safe buddy and talk to you soon .!

Hey Alan,

Hope all is well with yourself 🙂

gambling's really not even bothering me too much these days not even the football bets so feeling better about that ... Sure i will have to start calling people over payments missed soon but i can do that knowing full well once it's sorted it will be sorted 🙂

got a call ref the counselling yesterday, missed it as was at work but will call them back may as well go and see what they offer... it surely can't hurt and with a bit of luck help over the next few months as the memories and feelings pass of that terrible night I need to keep focused and not fall off the wagon. 🙂

Here's to another gamble free day and another 2 days to the month ..

Kris