My diary

Day 8

I'm ok thanks w2s 🙂 hope you're ok too x over a week again but still early days

Glad your still here Red - keep it up hun - it will get easier again - look forward not back xxx

Trying to stay on track and no slips so far. I really don't want to go back but the urges have come back ATM. I've looked at old accounts more than once over the last week. Luckily I'm blocked from pretty much every site out there but new ones are appearing all of the time! Need to stay strong and remember that I cannot win because I cannot stop. I do not have an edge and will not allow myself to be a slave/mug to this addiction. OH and I are in a lot of debt but it won't grow if I don't gamble. It will go down. I am committed to paying off what I borrowed to try and solve my problems. Can't solve a problem by doing the thing that got me in to this mess!!

Day 9

Today I have not gambled and have not had the urge to. Even went to an arcade at the seaside. OH and I had a fiver each to spend and then we went and got ice cream. Was good to get out of the house.

Double figures - woop!

Day 10

Doubles figures indeed! 🙂 xx

Day 12

Nearly at the two week goal. Seems to be getting easier ATM. Better than the last few times. Staying positive.

Keep positive Red - one day at a time - some will be easy and some will be hard but at least you are trying xxx

Day 13

Thanks w2s 🙂 the support is always appreciated. Easy day today, Mega tired and too busy lol xx

Day 14

Two weeks! 🙂

Go you!! Keep doing it and soon it'll be two months 🙂

LB x

Day 15

Been feeling really down the last week. Work is stressful but it's more than that. My anxiety has felt really threatening all week. I worked out its a combination of disappointment in myself for gambling and its brought back all of the old guilt of the debt and fear of how I will ever recover from it. I will recover from it of course, it'll just take time. These last two weeks have seemed easier than the previous 2 but I am more shocked by my own urges to gamble this time. Like I am able to stand outside of myself and watch me making/justifying! Playing demo or even just trying a couple of old log ins. Non work. Being able to almost witness it makes me so anxious and shocked at who I have become.

The positive. I've just looked at the first two weeks of the last 114 day PB and the I was having way more urges then. Just need to reassure myself that they are just urges and I don't have to feel guilty if I don't act. Not gambling, no problem 🙂

Day 16

Having another shocker. Need sleep and already planning routine for next week.

Keep it up hun - hope your having a good day today - one day at a time xxx

Day 18

Missed day 17 there. Still absolutely knackered and struggling to get a routine in place but the urges are definitely subsiding ATM. Feeling positive and like a non gambler 🙂