My diary

DAY 1

Blocks back in place. The madness stops again now.

Thanks for staying in touch w2s, my apologies for being so distant, trying a new approach. Not great so far! But taking it 1 day at a time

Its ok - do what you need to - glad to see you are ok. Sending hugs. Dust yourself off and give it another go xxx

re-gig - day 1

Irritable, trying not to smoke and eating to much! There are worse things tho. Sent myself to bed for a nap and planning tea tonight.

Day 2

The brainwashing is in full effect again. Going to have to be really aware of thought processes for a while.

Just checking in hun - hope u are ok 🙂

xxx

Still here for u Hun x

Finding it hard to muster my own words right now as have catastrophically messed up again. Been hiding out afraid to come back on here and burying my head in the sand hoping to gamble my way out of the debt trap and it all started just because I was reacting with spite and resentment. I so want to stop but gambling brain mentality currently in full moron mode. Justjoseph articulates how I feel better than I can right now.

Justjoseph wrote: Its aa hard hard road this recovery game with rough patches and bumps along the way. But gambling as an option is 10 times worse potentially life threatening. It will finish you off. It grips you emotionally and financially and in the end it makes you a shell of a person. Keep on keeping on

Hi Rednow,

I am no expert on recovery & i have been in the place i wouldn't wish anyone to get to. I was gambling to escape, i cried my eyes out every time i hit the button, i cursed myself, self harmed and planned to top myself off. It has never happened...miracle, common sense...i don't know. All i know, addiction will keep its grip on you for as long as you let it. Only YOU are in control to break the cycle. It's not easy...& you can't do it by yourself. I tried that and thought i am strong enough...not at all. It just doesn't work. You get lost with your own tangled thoughts which leads to the dark place.

Reach out for help...not tommorow or on Monday - now!. Do it now. Make a change...please...it breaks my & many other's hearts seeing you self destructing. What for? Ask yourself what are you actually trying to achieve by this..debts?..f**k them ya know..it's only money..the money you can earn bk by your own sweat .

Don't do this to yourself. It will get worse...saddest thing is - you know it yourself.

Please try and snap out. Contact GC..ask for counselling..make changes..block your card/self exclude!!! Hun...please do something!

You're worth it and as everyone on here - you can do it. You truly can...be true to yourself, admit defeat - game over darling...start recovery...start your life again..

(((((( believe in yourself))))))))

S x

Ps. I'm sorry if i sound harsh..i am crying for your pain here, i simply understand and want you better..please accept support which is here for you 24/7...

Day 1

Thanks hopeful soul. I've just finally mustered to courage to self exclude from open accounts. I still had an insane notion that I could win myself out of the mess I've caused through gambling. Day 1. Headache.

Day 2

Woke and the first thing I thought about was the debt. This has always been my main problem with gambling. Thinking about the debt leads to thinking about gambling being a good idea. If history has taught me anything. It is not. Focusing on thoughts and changing focus. Challenging but not impossible.

Day 3

Trying to stay busy with a schedule and letting the loses go.

Hi Rednow.

I'm on day 3 again too after huge losses. Let's try and make this our last relapse. It's time.

Hi Red had a chat with new potential counsellor tonight. Spoke for about 30 mins and covered lots of issues. Very therapeutic - just to get stuff out. I'm not really a GA person but feel that counselling helps a lot. Gambling can have a life of its own and for some cutting it off is the end of most of their problems. For sure it is necessary but for me my problems are more deeply rooted. Lots of sruff to talk about. I need to work on this stuff as much as staying GF. But One day at a time...Soon be day 4 already

Day 4

Just looked at the bank account which has taken another massive hit but already looking forward to achieving 1 week 🙂 by not gambling and having a plan I can clean up the mess I have made.