My diary

thanks for all of the encouraging posts, i guess today is day 101. Yesterday passed with ease, no hiccups, no urges, onwards and upwards from here i hope

Due to start nights tonight - got a week of them so i decided to treat myself to some new motorcycle gear ... ended up spending 350 quid.

Had i have been gambling that 350 quid would have gone in the bookies no doubt, i wouldnt even have a motorbike. It just goes to show 101 days later what a difference it can make!

Well today is day 105.. seems to be ticking along nicely, usual post here... on nights, working hard, no real urges, no thoughts of gambling.

Looking forward to finishing nights in 3 days. got a few days off so i will hopefully catch up with some friends and relax. Looking forward to next weekend, going to see friends and family in sheffield and also going to a gig. Should be good fun.

Will post again after nights or sooner if any hiccups occur

So we will be hearing from you once your nights finish then. There won't be any hiccups your winning and treating yourself. Well done

nights are finally over, what a crazy week of work. glad to have a couple of days off now.

Really looking forward to the weekend, it cant come soon enough.

Feeling positive and strong at the moment. Got a few things in the pipline to look forward to.

keeping it brief today as i can hardly keep my eyes open.

finally feel like i am functioning after a difficult week of work. Back onto daytime hours.

Just got today off and then i am back in work for the next three days.

Got a busy few days ahead of me, meeting up with alot of friends and family, also have a busy work schedule and i am preparing for an anual appraisal at work so i have some homework to be cracking on with.

As for gambling it isnt really bothering me, i had a dream last night that i had lost all of my savings again, woke up feeling sick but thankfully i quickly realised it was just a dream. I have had fleeting thoughts about gambling, they mainly come into my head when stressed +++ or Bored +++, but they are fleeting and i quickly move them to one side and get on with my day.

going to crack on with some written work today, drink lots of coffee, go to the gym and chill out with a fim this evening.

Nearly 10 days since my last post - Day 118 - Still pleased to say no gambling.

Not to much to report here, i have been working hard and any spare time has been spent socialising seeing friends and family all over the country.

it was pay day today and i have paid off my credit card, just got the remnants of a study loan to pay off, which i will next pay day!

Got some money in the bank and savings are starting to build up again which is a positive.

Had my last gam care councelling session today, it had been 4 weeks since my last session. It went well, we kept it brief and really focussed on going forwards, moving on and preventing relapse in the future.

GA tomorrow night, not been for a few weeks so looking forward to catching up with some of the lads there.

unfortunately for me i am working all of the bank holiday weekend, but work is work, it pays the bills and i have my holiday to ibiza to look forward to!!

Just been out for a ride on the motor bike- really enjoyed that. look forward to a few more dry days so that i can take it out again!

Day 119 has come to an end, went to my GA meeting tonight, first time in three weeks. It was good to check in with the guys. It got me thinking about the journey i have been on, what has happend and those others caught up in the collateral damage.

nearly 4 months to the day since my last bet, a lot has happened since then.

i wouldnt say that i am in a better place, but a different place. you see i had almost everything i wanted, i had a great Mrs, Deposit for a house, car, good job, potentially a great future. that was all very real, however it was masking a lie, my gambling addiction and troubles.

My life came crashing down after a series of losses, i hit what was my rock bottom, i had nowhere to hide and had to tell my Mrs what had happened. That was the worst day of my life! i think about it every day and it is a big deterrant for any future gambling. For me the money wasnt that big an issue, yeh i had lost money and accrued some debts.... that had been my life for the past 8 years... nothing new there.

It was th damage that i had done, the lies, deceit,.... i felt so ashamed,i then realised how many people i had hurt over the years and especially the damage that i had done to my relationship with my Mrs.

As it happend the relationship didnt recover, we went our own ways. Not a day goes by that i dont think how different things could have been. We had a joint bank account which i have finally got round to closing my half of the account today. Felt a bit strange, it made everything feel very final.

anyway life does go on, i keep those memories as part of my armour against gambling, i have a busy few weeks ahead of me, lots of social plans, lots of work and a 3 day holiday to Ibiza with friends.

Hi Luke

Well done mate. I remember when I joined this forum I read your diary as you started a few days before me. I remember you saying about your partner and how you thought it was over. It was clear your loved her and you where distraught when it ended. Something like that a lot of people would just give up and go back to gambling but the fact your using those painful memories to help you beat this addiction just shows you can do this. I hope your really proud of yourself.

Keep it up

well it has been a week since my last post, a week since my last GA meeting.

Pleased to say things are still going well, i am keeping busy with work, actually finding that i am enjoying work more, finding it more rewarding than i used to. I think i used to look at it as a chore ... to earn money and get that pay cheque, now it is feeling less and less of a chore.

Had today off before i start nights, been to the gym, watched a documentary, going out for a ride on the motorbike with a friend and then will hit up the GA meeting pre work.

Got a very busy month ahead, with work, seeing friends, Ibiza, loch lomand trip, and a weekend of international rugby at the start of october .... busy is good, keeps me focussed got a few rewards built in to that busy period!

Day 128 - Not a great deal to report ... Just amazed now at how quickly the days are passing and how infrequent i think of gambling.

It only feels like yesterday i was at the 100 day milestone - i am now well beyond that and things continue to progress well, No gambling, no urges, no thoughts of gambling.

Last night shift tonight then i have two days off! can not wait!

Day 129, well today has had its ups and downs, no gambling or anything like that... I guess I have just been taking a long hard look at my life. Some of it isn't very easy to look at!

Think I am just tired from working nights... Things will feel different tomorrow.

well i have managed to get myself up and out of bed for 0900 which is pretty good when trying to turn it around after night shifts. determined to have a positive day today. The day will be mostly filled with little jobs i have a whole load that i need to do!

Think i will also treat myself to a new pair of trainers.

Like i said yesterday no thoughts of gambling, havent had any urges - guess i just feel my life should be in a different place than it is at the moment, That is something i can and am working on. When i thing about what i was doing in March/ April 2015 ..... i have come a very long way.

day 132 - Not much to report here today ... busy day at work, have found myself enjoying work more and more recently, just working 8 hours tomorrow and then off for the weekend.

No gambling related issues to report of.

Off to see some friends at the weekend, cant wait to let my hair down, have a few beers with some nice food and good company.

Back on nights on monday but at least i will have 72 hours away from work at the weekend.

well it is day 136 today... nothing to report in terms of gambling, staying strong, dont have any thoughts of it, dont get any urges at all. Stopped at a service station the other day for a coffee and there was a gaming arcade, looked in to find a load of middle aged men fixed on the screens, pressing buttons and ploughing money into it....i felt sorry for them and felt reassured that i didnt want to join them in any way.

had a good weekend, went to see some friends in shrewsbury, went out for some drinks and had some nice food. got a busy week of work ahead of me and then i jet away to ibiza for 3 nights which should be good.

Got GA meeting on friday but it is also the opening ceremony for the rugby world cup... going to have to think long and hard about which i go to!