My diary

day 137 today ...did my first of 7 nights shifts last night. It went well, initially busy but quietened down after a while. fingers crossed the same occurs tonight.

otherwise doing well and staying positive

well tonight will be my sixth night shift out of 7.... just two to go until i get five days off and a short trip to IBIZA. I feel well deserved trip both in working hard at work and maintaining abstinance from gambling.

Really looking forward to my holiday, will be the first holiday in a long time and first since breaking up with the ex, it will feel strange going away without her, i guess i will only know how i feel about it when i get out there. looking forward to some sun, sea and sand.

Two days to go !!!!!!!

well i have successfully negotiated and survived my 7 night shifts, i am now off for 5 days and heading to IBIZA tomorrow!

I cant wait! really looking forward to the trip away with some friends. Just woken up from a quick nap... then going to get packed and need to pick up some last minute pieces for the trip.

I think it is safe to say if i was still gambling i wouldnt be doing this trip right now... all of my money would have been lost, i wouldnt have the spare cash to treat myself to new trainers, t shirts, books let alone the trip itself.

Hi mate enjoy your trip you have certainly earned it. You got it by working hard and staying away from bookies. Well done.

Well i guess you could say this is yet another milestone reached... Day 150.

Not posted in a while - I have been to Ibiza which was absolutely fantastic - thoroughly enjoyed the good weather and a bit of a party. It was difficult coming home and back to reality. I have been on nights again this week. Got 4 more to go..Nearly half way there .

I go up to Loch Lomand at the weekend with a group of uni friends ... which should be good fun, going on a whisky distillary tour, clay pigion shooting and golf ... along side some good food and of course the rugby would cup.

No urges to gamble, no thoughs about it, keeping myself busy as usual, lots of work.

Good news today .... I have finally paid off my credit card and a small study loan i had - other than my student loan from uni i am Debt free! which is a great feeling.

Off to bed for a good sleep

Day 153- been working hard! Last night shift tonight, looking forward to my 5 days off.

Off to scotland tomorrow for a lads weekend away. not had any urges to gamble, financially things are really improving. i have come to realise how little i actually spend each month, but when i gamble i feel like i dont have a penny to spare.

I am treating myself more and more to the things i want and need and am still able to save money.

For anyone in the very early stages of recovery i urge you to stick at it. my addiction was severe, i struggled to control it for many years, i do finally feel like i have got some control over it and my life. i know it will always be there but i am also aware of how to combat those urges when they come.

Great going on 154 days Luke,

Have a lovely lads weekend away,

Suzanne xxx

Thanks for the message suzanne, had a lovely weekend in scotland with some friends, nice and relaxing. really enjoyed having a few days off work.

No urges to gamble, not htought about it, to be honest it hardly ever enters my mind now. life seems to be going well, working hard and making the most of my time off.

Day 158 - have taken the day off work today - Not feeling well, full of cold and flu -??? the dreaded man flu. Going to chill out and look aftermyself today.

Previously i would have probably walked out to the bookies and spent such a day gambling.... not today plenty of tea, coffee, hot toddies, and comfort food to nurse myself through the illness.

just had my next few months of rota released .... lots of work booked for the coming months, will keep me busy and help pay the bills for christmas.

well i finally feel like i have got over my cold / flu symptoms. Finished wor for the next four days... havent enjoyed the past two days to be honest, work has been really hard, busy and quite stressful.

i dont really know why... but today i woke with a minor urge to gamble, i know that i wont, it just annoyed me a little. i have gone so long without any urge to bet.

on a positive note i am picking my friend up from the train station and we are going to drive up to newcastle to watch new zealand vs tonga in the rwc.

well in summary- shame about the urge, but i will get myself up, go out for a coffee and forget about it

not posted for a while, Nothing major to report, no urges, no relapse, no thoughts of gambling.

Had a few ups and downs recently, lost my nana and was at her funeral today, it was a sad day but it was nice to see all of our family.

busy week of work ahead of me!!!

Will post in more detail tomorrow

well today is day 169 and tomorrow is day 170!!!

Feeling pretty good at the moment, my mood seems to wax and wane, had a good day at the office and just relaxing with a glass of scotch. got a long shift ahead of me tomorrow and then a week of twilight shifts and nights.

heard from the Ex a few days back, find it difficult to engage with her, miss her alot and i guess i find it easier to keep things distant. i hope she is doing well and moving on with her life. i know that she didnt find the whole process of breaking up easy, my gambling was a complete shock to her and a secret. She hated gambling and i understand why we couldnt stay together.

I do think about this on a daily basis, i have hurt alot of people with my gambling but never anyone that i cared for so much as her and never as bad as that. I use it as a daily reminder of what i was like when i gambled, how much i hurt one person, dishonesty, lies, and so far it has worked,.... and i am confident it will continue to work.

On a plus side i am approaching the 6 month mark, it has been a difficult 6 months, outing myself as a compulisive gambler, break up, moving out of my house, two deaths in the family to name a few of the things!!! but i do feel like i am on top of this, i am beating this, and currently for the first time in many years i am finally winning!!!

i have been getting more trust from my family, especially mother who has been looking after the bulk of my saving, i am being trusted with more and more money on my card and even went away to newcastle at the weekend with a grand on a cash card.... most of it came back minus a couple of taxi fares and of course some beers!!!!

i am essentially debt free now and have a save to buy account for a deposit which i am making monthly contributions to which is another positive mood. I joined a Credit score website and to my surprise my score was pretty good and has got better over the past few months. Just got my Student loan now which i am chipping away at with my salary each month.

Overall things are positive, one thing is for sure i need to cut down my working hours, move out of home and get some sort of social life.

PS achilles is almost fully healed

well today is 172... the days seem to be ticking along nicely, no urges to gamble, just been reading a couple of diaries of people that have unfortunately relapsed. Serves as a big reminder that this compulsion never leaves, i just need to learn how to manage it. I know how they must be feeling as i had been in that same place so many times.

This time it does feel different. i hope and pray that it is!

On a plus side work seems to be going well, i have a few projects related to work that i am doing, and also a course at the start of december.

working the next 6 days, then get a couple of days off and a trip across to sheffield.

day 174 - a very uneventful day - just relaxing before work. Got most of tomorrow off before starting a weekend of nights.

hair cut tomorrow and i plan to get down to GA before my night shift. I havent been to GA for about 5 weeks, it will be nice to get down there, see the guys and check in. welcome any new faces to the group.

I have neglected my gym routine these past few weeks! so i will try to get a visit into the gym tomorrow.

Nothing more to report really - Day 175 tomorrow !!!!

Day 176!!! doing well in myself, 2 more shifts until i get a couple of days off, can not wait.

Just enjoying watching the rugby world cup semi final! no urges to bet or anything like that! Great Semi final to watch.

got myself down to the GA meeting last night, glad i went, it was good to toch base with the group. I hadnt been for 5 weeks, i think they probably thought i had given up. Everyone seemed pleased that i have managed to abstain and maintain.

In other news, i have paid off all credit cards, tax bills, debts of any sort.... i am now 100% debt free and have managed to scrape together enough savings for a house deposit in the future. I am lucky that my job is well paid, but i have been putting in the hard graft and i have been doing 60-70 hour weeks.

Got a heavy work month in november and then i will take my foot off the gas for the festive month of december.

Overall things are really positive... i will be applying for a new job in november, and also a new location, considering a move to bristol, sheffield, or manchester.

Plan going forwards - maintain abstinance, secure new job, continue my savings!