My diary

Day 178 - just finished night shifts! Thank god for that!

Got two days off before i start back on day shifts. No urges to bet, things feel like they are still moving in a positive direction.

I have just arrived in sheffield to see my family, looking forward to spending a couple of days with them, off to see the new james ond film, and will likely go out for some drinks at the local pub.

Moving on from here ... work work work, focus on my future career path, before you know it will be christmas.

After Christmas i have a ski trip planned and will interview for a new job. I then want to move into my own place and start building a social life! it may sound sad but these past few months any social life has taken a bit of a back seat as i have been hammering the hours at work.

Good stuff Luke. Enjoyed reading that. Wishing you continued strength on your journey.

Day 181 - Was really tired and fatigued in work yesterday... feeling a bit better today.

Just having my morning coffee before i get myself ready for work. Working the next two days but have managed to get saturday off to do some much needed life admin and watch the rugby world cup final.

feeling more and more positive about things.. had the afternoon to myself in sheffield the other day, was out and about, walked past the casino ( Just by chance) Had no desire to go into there, similar with a couple of bookies i walked past, instead i opted to go into a cafe and do some revision for an up and coming course.

5 days since my last post... nothing much to report here - working hard as usual, putting in a lot of hours these next few weeks, will tailor it down for the christmas period. Work has been very busy which has meant the days seem to go pretty quick.

Got the final balance of my ski holiday to pay for, no biggie, able to pay that now without any concern. really looking forward to that. Have managed to pay off all loans, debts, credit cards etc. Totally clear of debt now which feels great, it hasnt been easy, i have worked bloody hard at work with long shifts and extra shifts, but also worked hard in terms of determination not to gamble and change my life for the better.

Goals for the week, try to eat healthy, get to the gym 3 times, meet up with friends / family on my day off.

Feeling a bit c**P today... Nothing directly related to gambling ( although it kinda is)

Have come to the realisation that it is over six months since my last bet, which also marks about six months since my last relationship ended. I have been thinking about my ex alot tonight, miss her terribly, we had some amazing times together, great holidays and potentially a great future.

All of which was thrown away by yours truely. It has been weighing on my mind all night, i have been in teers and unable to sleep. I am just so sorry for what i have done, i know i have hurt her very much but also her family who were so welcoming to me. We havent spoken for many months, i guess i want to know that she is alright, that she is doing ok and moving on.

I have filled my spare time with extra shifts, occasional trips away, gym, motorcycle, but i guess all that was just an attempt at distraction from what i am really feeling and missing. I started to write her an email tonight, but in the end scrapped it. I think it would just open old wounds for the both of us and at 6 months down the line i hope her life has taken a turn for the better.

The past six months have been the hardest of my life, so much has happened, so much loss, so much hard work and determination. It is these emotions that have got me so far. I have made so many promises to people that i care about, i cant gamble again and i will not.

As mentioned previously... other aspects of life have improved, work is so so, debts are gone, savings are replenishing, i have goals that i am setting and meeting and i guess the most positive is that i havent gambled. I need to use this as the stepping stone towards a bright future .... and i plan to!!!

well after that emotional outburst last night feeling a little more level headed tonight.... Had a super busy day at work, had to stay an hour late to help out.

Just got one more shift tomorrow and then i have a day off. looking forward to friday, want to try and see my baby sister.

Feeling positive, no urges, no thoughts of gambling, it doesnt ever cross my mind as something i really want to do. I think of it in terms of regrets, and as a focus to move forwards from.

Been off work today, did a bit of admit, nothing major. mainly just chilled.

I did however rag my sorry a*s down to the gym for the first time in a few weeks, it was an eye opener, i have certainly let my health and fitness suffer a little in the past few weeks.

Starting a healthy living initiative as of today, watch what i eat, drink less alcohol and exercise more .... how hard can that be?

You'd think committing to a bit of training would be easy after the dedication we gave our addiction but boy am I struggling on that one! You sound much more motivated than I am though & hopefully the endorphins will be enough to keep you going back for more!

I applaud you in a way for not sending that email but I'm an old romantic @ heart...Would it hurt to touch base & just say Hi?

Great work on sorting out your finances & smashing through the 6 month barrier 🙂 Keep strong & if you're not back @ GA, remember all that you have learned, never get complacent & you will have that deposit before you know it! We can't change our past but we sure as hell can make our future's brighter 🙂

Keep winning - ODAAT

Thank you for the message ODAAT, I have decided to give a healthy start a good go, i have been working so hard recently i think i have neglected my health and well being, i am getting rid of all of the c**P from the house and have developed some healthy meal plans.

In the end she ( my Ex) actually touched base with me, it was nice to hear that she was doing ok, obviously found it hard but pleased that she is moving in the right direction.

just back from a long shift at work, some people comented that i looked tired and unwell... i think i was just tired. I really need to take some time off, i have the weekend off and i am looking to have an extended period of leave in december.

I have quite a lot on my plate this month, with work, courses, Audit, presentations... it keeps me very busy but at the same time i worry i may be burning the wick at both ends.

I will hit the 200 mark in 6 days which i look forward to!

speak soon

Keep working away Luke. 200 days will be a tremendous milestone.

well today is 197 and tomorrow 198

Nothing much to report here, had a very boring day off today... but that is exactly what i wanted. I went to the gym, watched the rugby league and then watched a load of rubbish on TV with a couple of bottles of my fav pinot noir! just watching a film, American sniper ... pretty good.

got a few jobs to do tomorrow and then back at work on monday. life could be better, bit it could be a lot worse... i could be gambling still, could still have debts and could still be fighting urges.

I think a nice lazy day with c**P TV and wine is exactly what i needed.

day 199.. on the brink of the double century.

Had a very busy day today at work, just felt like i was fighting fire, the work just kept pilling up.

anyway other than that had a relaxing evening. been to the gym, cooked a healthy evening meal.

Today i had an urge to gamble, nothing major, nothing i couldnt deal with, just a minor urge, the thought popped into my head for a second.

Dont know why, be it the stress of the day i have just had, boredom, life in general, I dealt with it pretty well, just pushed the thought to one side, went to the gym and it was gone.

tomorrow is day 200

Hopefully I'm the first of many to congratulate you on an excellent milestone in your recovery. Keep up the great work.

Huge well done on making it to 200 days. Well done on getting past that little urge as I had a little urge and its only just now six weeks later I'm getting over it. Keep it up

Hi,

Congratulations on 200 days. A fantastic achievement.