My Diary

50 Days GF

Today brings up the 50 day mark of no gambling what so ever, not even a lottery ticket or fruit machine. Slowly I'm building back my finances but will take time.

75 days is my next target, I prefer smaller targets as the sense of achievement is more frequent. And also a bit of a boost in down times.

56 Days GF

8 weeks since my last bet. These weeks are going so fast, but the guilty feeling of messing everything up still lingers.
As time has moved on, I've realised how close I was to really messing my life up. Have I changed as a person? I'm not sure, but I do tend to be more impatient day to day. Silly things start to annoy me when really they are quite trivial.
Maybe this is part of recovery, the guilt still bubbling under the surface. I guess I'm having a down day today, been a few weeks since I've felt like this.
This year has been tough, from losing our little cat ( he was our fur child ), to family squabbles and now not far from losing a family member. Add on top my addiction and the stress that brings, It's been a bit crappy.

Anyway, let's get another day gamble free completed. At least that is something I can achieve.

59 Days GF

And still gamble free, tomorrow brings up the 60 but I'm aiming for 75 and then to 100.

Pay day is also round the corner and I'm determined to go 2 full pay months without giving my money to the bookies.

60 Days GF

Small steps are still being made with near enough 2 months gamble free. With the money saved on starting to sort my finances out. I've found that anxiety over money has been reduced dramatically from when I started, no longer do I panic when the wife asks for some extra money. I'm still not straight but it takes the pressure off.

Wish I never started gambling, it's a big mistake but one I have learnt from.

63 Days GF

I've been gamble free for 9 weeks. Strange thing that I've noticed is that I'm saving money on my phone contract. I was racking up bills alongside gambling on data use. So I'm also saving money on that, little things that add to a big problem

70 Days GF

It's now been 10 weeks since my last bet and the 75 day target is so close. I'm determined to go all the way to 100.

With work being so busy, the weeks are flying by. My productivity is up as I'm not glued to my phone and the summer season is our busiest time. I do feel that I'm wishing the summer away a bit, I'm always looking to the next milestone hoping that with time myself and finances will heal.

With no summer holiday planned due to the other halfs work commitments, it does give me chance to reduce expenditure as this is another bill not forthcoming. I would've loved to have gone but being realistic, I wouldve struggled to fund it. Next year we will have a big holiday and I will be gamble/debt free.

77 Days GF

75 day target hit and now on 11 weeks. Been a bad few days personally and a revelation has hit me hard. This year is turning into my worst ever. Not gambling is the only thing I'm in control of at this moment in time.

80 Days GF

The truth came out last night, I had to explain everything to my wife. She was angry as expected, it's the least I deserved.

The shame I felt was horrendous. Although I am repairing the damage done, she's helped me financially and cleared my debt. We've came up with a plan to pay everything back to her, including letting her see my banking upon request. We have both done wrong this year and it's been tough, almost like we've both had minor break downs and seriously messed up. But it's all out in the open now, no debt to the bank but to my wife and my ego/pride battered and bruised.

I think she feels more angry that I didn't go to her earlier, my pride got in the way of that and I just buried my head in the sand. It's massive lesson learned last night.

84 Days GF

Another Monday check in and 12 weeks have passed. My wife knows everything and to be honest, she could've reacted a lot worse. Current debt stands at £1.5k which I owe to her and no lenders.

It's also back to the football season and if there will be any urges it will be now. I've so far resisted but seen a hell of a lot gambling ads, I understand bookmakers will always be around but they're so in your face. I've never took much notice before, but luckily I'm not feeling too much pull. Maybe because my problem is now out in the open and the wound is fresh again? I don't know, but what I do know is that I can't gamble.

94 days GF

Haven't posted for a bit, didn't realise it had been 10 days. But I'm still gamble free and heading towards 100 days.

98 Days GF

14 weeks gamble free now and also just 2 days away from the 100.

Pay day has been and gone and had to reassure my wife that I wasn't gambling, which is fair enough after the trouble I got myself into. Nut the first time in well over 12months, my bills are paid including my loan form my wife and I actually have money. It's been noticed at home that I am calmer and more relaxed. I do feel better within myself and the guilt has less of a grip as I feel I'm making amends in paying my dues and generally spending less money. My bank account can be viewed by my wife at anytime so any gambling can't be hidden.

I'm another note, after keeping track of the football results over the weekend. I found myself thinking of the games I would've bet on, made me pleased that the outcomes would have been against my judgement and further reinforces my decision not to gamble. Although thoughts are strong on putting a few quid on Saturday mornings, but what is potentially win would go straight back in anyway and potentially more.

For now though, a few more days wait till my target.

100 Days GF

My 100 day target has been hit, with no gambling at all. Not even a lottery ticket. Since day 1 (not the first day one that I tried), my gambling addiction emerged to my wife who still doesn't understand how I can just give up. She doesn't know that I've tried numerous times but this time I've succeeded to 100 days. This is just the start and I vow to carry on.

My next target 125 days. May treat myself to a McDonald's for this goal.

Well done mate and keep it up , its not easy, im proof of that like so many, this is a relasping addiction, just learn from past mistakes and realise theres no controlling it when you start, like all addictions its progressive , will only get worse NEVER better.

All the best on you recovery and keep your chin up!

112 Days GF

Been gamble free for 16 weeks now and going well. There's been a few little urges but so far resisted all temptation.

Also, how annoying is the verification now? 3 lots of pictures to access my account is really annoying. Can't we just verify via email and be done with it? It's putting me off logging in as it is time consuming to put a quick update in the diary. I can't be the only one.

125 Days GF

The 125 day target hit. Debt reduced to ВЈ900 and will be paid off by January. Had to slow payments down due to a stag do, wedding, weekend away and of course xmas. I will then be £300 a month better off without gambling and debt free.

Next goal 150 days.