Day 6
I've woke up feeling very uneasy but can't quite put my finger on it. My parents arrived home yesterday after 17 days away and it feels absolutely terrible not to unload the whole truth. I feel entrenched in shame and by being honest I'm going to face more disappointment, anger and shame from them. I feel it's impossible to tell them the truth without facing a backlash. The reality is I can be debt free in 10 months and just allow them to believe that I have savings. It just feels horrible that they don't know the truth but I have to protect myself from further relapse risk. I feel highly irritable/anxious in this current moment and trying to let it be and pass because I could definitely escape this temporarily in addiction. I have an eye check this morning but no other plans the rest of the day.
Has anyone else suffered an emotional struggle in the first week?
Day 6 nearly over....
Todays been a mixed day
I went to the wetherspoons early this morning with my book for a cup of tea. I sat down not quite feeling right. I felt uneasy with lots of feelings and emotions which I found hard to label. I sat away from the slot machines but it felt as if they were calling me and my mind was having flashbacks of the rare times in the past when I had won money. I managed to play the whole tape to the end to remember the times I'd walked out in ruin and lost £500 in a £100 jackpot machine. While I was sat in the wetherspoons I reached out to some others that I know online to express my feelings which made me feel better. I soon left and went to the local community centre to enquire about events that would help me to make new friends and interact with others. I found quite a few activities that are suitable which is promising as I'm suffering an emptiness void without gambling. When I got back home I went on recovery road online and connected to 2 zoom meetings which felt great to connect with other recovering addicts.
That's about it for today.
Hi
You are doing so well, keep up the awesome work! I have certainly had some emotional struggles since quitting, as I no longer had gambling to loose myself in. It does get better day by day.
You got this 💪
Thank Roxy247,
I appreciate the kind words.
Day 7
Today has been a tough day....
Before I left home to go to work my mum asked how I was doing on the gambling front as she knew I was doing some horse bets. She didn't know about the disaster that had occurred as a result of a visit to the casino followed by a crippling chase on online slots trying to recoup losses from the casino. I decided to take this opportunity to be rigorously honest about what happened. I really didn't want to tell her because of the shame I was feeling but couldn't live with secrets. I told her about all the steps I have taken over the last week to get my life back on track. She seemed to understand and hope I haven't broke her heart and cause her to suffer future worry and sleepless nights. I feel better for being able to be honest as the programme recommends rigorous honest. After all secrets keep us sick.
Other than the above I've had a good day at work and have ARA gambling recovery phone call tomorrow regarding counselling. I've been attending recovery road online zoom meetings which I have found to be of great help.
That's it from me!
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