Day 2 gamble free,
I thought this was meant to get easier........clearly not!!
It's not the case of not being able to gamble that's burdening me, it's more the fact that I feel like I'm getting no support from the one person that matters. I accept the fact that I have betrayed her by gambling and going behind her back, wasting my wages on pointless bets trying to chase money and always then leaving her to pay for the bills that I should be settling, what kind of a man does that?
Today for instance, I was asked to pay for a car by work and they would refund me tomorrow. I asked my wife to borrow me the money to which she was clearly suspicious, she did and I then picked the car up. She returned home asking for proof of where the money's gone. Bearing in mind the car is on the drive I also showed her the invoice and she's still struggling to believe me.
Over the last two days iv done everything possible to stop betting, cancelled my cards associated with my online accounts, self excluded from almost every online bookmaker going, installed K9 and joined here but if the one person who I need to prove it to doesn't believe me what's the point!
Fella
For twenty years I gambled relentlessly, for twenty two years I have been in a relationship with my wife.
How many promises have you made to stop before?
I made those promises for many of those years, just to return to addictions open arms.
I will have been in recovery three years at the end of this week, all gamble free except for a few hours over a year ago.
I still keep receipts for every penny I spend as proof firstly to myself but mainly because I know that jn recovery my life must be transparent.
Two days in fella, my advice, be humbled like I am that she is stood by your side.
Will my wife ever fully trust my word?
All the time I live a transparent life I hope I will build towards that day.
But like all the other tools in my recovery toolbox, her vigilance is embraced.
Complacency is a dangerous thing in recovery.
Keep putting in the effort you have for the past two days.
It will reward you long term.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.
I too lied & cheated to my wife for many years. I could not expect or want her to trust me in my early recovery. I was a liar & thief. Nearly 8 years later i still receipt what i spend my bank account is open for her to view any time she wishes. I had to accept i did untold damage to our relationship & i should be on my knees thanking her every day for standing by me. She explained to me that every time i left the house in early recovery was incredibley painful for her. Where has he gone what is he doing. You are looking @ this from your own addicted view. How about seeing it from herside. Would you be so gracious & forgiving if the roles were reversed
Day 3,
I feel good!!!!
I know its only early but im now sat in the hotel, iv just finished watching the football (a game I easily would/could of bet on) but I haven't and more to the point didn't really want to.
It was nice just to watch as a neutral and enjoying the spectical not wanting either team to win.
Anyway its only day 3 but only 4 off a week!
Chris
Chris
I am in a similar position to you and look forward to sharing your diary, small steps are important for now.
Well done so far and keep it up
J
Day 4,
Just a usual day, work work work.
I did notice something tho, a weird feeling iv had for a while and that was lunch. (No not the food) I'm usually placing a bet or keeping track of bets at lunchtime but since iv stopped I realise how much time I actually do get to relax and unwind.
Anyway not to much to add but onwards and upwards
Oh yeah....... J I look forward to sharing my diary with you. I'll try and pop In on yours to bud.
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