My Diary - Restarted Fri 10 Sep 2010

Being away from home often makes it easier to gamble for some of us - for me it was often the case of 'I'm not going to be seen by anyone'. So you are doing good by keeping your mind away from betting while on the road.

Three weeks down; here's to the next three. Well done.

Hi Blocked,

Still going strong I see 🙂

I, like Freda, was also very interested in your post about credit card gambling. Is there anywhere I can read a little more about it?

You seem to have the right mindset at the moment. Keep going......Jas x

High five to you blocked! keep fighting 🙂

Hi Blocked.

Just checking in on you mate. Hope things are going ok?

Have you finished that ROME boxset yet? If so get yourself something else to watch. Important to keep busy in your free time.

Take it easy mate.

Hi thanks all for replys here. So intermission. I have access to quite a few pcs , my vice is online casinos. Labtop im working of now is or at least was unprotected with betFilter. I got reading some stuff today, dont matter what , dont matter where , but I read it. This was around 20 mins after coming out of the chat room here. Then , and I cant actually belive im writing this ... but then I knew i was doomed. I went forth and you can guess the rest. Im not in bits but am disapointed again. Anway spent 40 or so quid for a licence of betfilter. Took a few trys to install it and get it working. But everything locked now. Again i need a saftey net - somthing to stop me taking that step from a thought about gambling to the actual process of gambling. Just spent the past 30 mins or so trying to get to my favourite haunts and all are page not found 😉 Dont know why but I feel upbeat about this ... tomorrow i move forward another step with my recovery which im finding out as the days go by is not just about quitting gambling but a whole lot of other issues , albeit in some way related to my addiction. Im also learning that recovery or at least my recovery is going to be an ongoing devoloping process. Its like im trying to learn the ins and outs of a new job. Some parts I know, some I dont , some Im starting to get to know. The 1 certain thing for me in my recovery is I cant gamble - big or small. That has to be central to my beating this addiction, MY ADDICTION. Somthing I am so d**n determined to do.

Ok so thats it for now - sorry for the long rant. Onwards 1 day at a time. Hope you all doing well , will be visiting the diarys at some point tonight but need to eat first ... starving. Oh and Curly yes finished Rome season 1 n 2. Loved it. So sad as some of it is real cheese like an ancient coronation street ... but good to watch. Cheers All Blocked.

Hi Blocked

Thanks for posting on my diary, just read your last post and why are you sorry for ranting? That was a good honest post, i havent read your diary yet, think this is the first time i have posted on yours.

Anyway looks like i have some catching up to do lol!

Hold on to that determination as that will keep you focused. take care, ands

Just a thought if anyone ever wants to communicate via email then here is a contact for me blockedout99 @ gmail.com

I just set up the above email and its only used for this site. Anyway their we go 🙂 Busy chat room tonight Btw was good to see. Onwards Blocked.

Day 22 :

Woke up feel angry - feel upset today - feel very down. No idea why to early to try work out whats going on. Read a post from an 18 year old in the new members intro forum. For some reason that also upset me. Ffs 18 and already hooked 🙁

Wanna go back to bed put my head under the covers but cant . gotta work. I cant gamble as im blocked on all systems but if I could I feel I would blow as much money as I could. Self destruct .... sorry just upset so d**n upset today.

Hi Blocked - sorry to hear about your recent slip, but it's good to hear that you immediately took steps to stop you going even further down that path. I guess oyu are still feeling down about this - it's important for us to remember that giving up our addiction is a marathon not a sprint, and there are bound to be difficulties along the way. Keep your chin up, and like you say, start taking it one day at a time again.

All the best,

Alan

Hi Aberdeen, thanks for the reply. My upset this morning is not Im sure caused by my "slip" its somthing more than that ... its like I have come so far into this mess and that at times I just run out of energy , like you say marathon, the stress somtimes of needing to change patterns in my life that have been with me since I can remember somtimes takes every inch of willpower I posses. Also feeling down as missing my family at the moment. Working away in a country filled with snow - food sucks also here. Well ... another day eh. Thanks again for your support. Blocked.

Morning Blocked,

I'm glad you have betfilter on, good move and very strong willed of you going ahead and installing it.

Your emotions are shot at the moment, that's ok Blocked...it's quite normal. Get it all off your chest...that's what this diary is all about.

I have flicked through your diary and it is clear you have had many twists and turns in your recovery. You sound resolute at the moment in trying your bloody hardest to knock it on the head once and for all. You have my support in trying to achieve this. Please try not to worry about others on here...you only have control over your own destiny.

You coming home this weekend?....if so, have a safe journey.

All the best....Jas xx

blocked. . . Its the rollercoaster ride of abstaining from gambling thats wearing you down today mate.the withdrawel symptoms if you like. . As jasmine says its your diary dont let other diaries get to you. . I was like you not too long ago when i read another diary but thanks to others supporting me on here i got through that day.. . Your doing fantastically well encouraging other diaries mate especially wi your workin away from home at present. . Keep it going mate. . YOU can do it we all can. .

Blocked,

I can relate to much of what you describe. It is really wearying getting over compulsive gambling and sometimes my energies and resolved flag a bit too.

I continue to make mistakes in my recovery, but as long as I dont go back to square one, its all worth it. Its hard to stay as focussed on day 247 or whatever as you were on day 1 if that makes sense?

Take care,

f x

Nobody said this was easy. The road ahead may be long but wherever we go there will be signposts and we will know the way ahead. Trouble is there are side roads where the grass may be greener--it usually is not. Try to stay on the road to where you want to get mate for that road is sure to be the right way to go.

Despite your torments I am sure you can beat this thing--if an old f**t like me can go some way along this road I am sure that a bright young man like you can at least keep up if not leave me standing.

I CANNOT LOSE IF I DO NOT START

Stumper

Hi Blocked,i think you are doing really well mate,clearly the fight is very hard,you have had a couple of slips,but you have reacted to them in the right way,working away from home as you are and being in unfamiliar surroundings gives that little b*****d more time to eat into our thoughts.Stay strong.

Seano.