My Diary - Restarted Fri 10 Sep 2010

Before or after that walk can you not contact the casino and bar yourself mate...you can do it blocked 😉

Hi thought I would share a link which Im reading through. It might be of help to some.

http://www.reason8.com/shared…t_to_stop_gambling_oct_07.pdf

wp - Already excluded at some casino jaunts.. this time though I need a much wider scope on staying quit. Very early days. Thanks for the message wp.

Just want to say a thanks to those of you that have given messages of support. Im sorry I cant return the goodwill at the moment. Im in a bad place in my head. The gambling addiction rages within. I have no idea why Im even writing this, maybe the few minutes I spend reading what others are saying and going through is somhow calming. I need to speak to somone but cant as I would probably break down. My wife stayed out last night. Our relationship seems to be unwrapping itself.

Nobodys askin for any returns blocked...phone gamcare/samaritans...break down if need be...its not shameful is it ? Ave been doon there mate (still am) but every day bet free is a better day....now pick yourself up and get oot there and show your wife and the whole world you CAN do this !!

HI MATE

I too am in the thick of it....lost 500+ on friday in 2 hours. but im decieding to dust myself down, kick myself right up the a**e and kick this s**t into touch. easier said than done i know...but no time like the present..dont let this s**t get you mate..seriously!! it takes no enimies,,will swallow you up and spit you out

maybe see if we can get some distance between our last bets together. ill be looking out for your posts..im going to give it my best shot this time!!! enough is enough!

neil

Another issue I need to put down here. My drink intake (and i dont mean water) has increased steadily. I did not really notice this. I then read an online book self help kind of thing. Link given in an earlier thread. And it mentioned this as 1 of the affects of gambling. A huge loss and I drown out the pain and the guilt.

Then in the morning I go through not only a gambling hangover. Then the downer and depression from the drink that blocked the loss arrives and its a circle. Have spent this morning reading other diarys. Some true horror storys to be had. Their is quite a bit of anger out there and some of it I agree with. Where were the health warnings about gambling ? Why are they no add campaings to warn about the possibilty of problem gambling especially with remote gaming.

Last night I was flicking through the channels. I was alone drunk. Wife just didnt come home. I counted 4 channels in the top 15 that were doing some kind of live gambling or other. It would have been so easy to pick up the phone and place a bet. I didnt but I was forced to switch off the tv. Why ? Becuase I have self excluded from 1 major online casino and at the other dropped deposit level to £10 per month - as this certain casino does not offer true exclusion. Compulsive gambling is an illness and is not properly represented or addressed. Imagine if they was not this site or GA or GanOn.

Im angry right now at the way I felt manipulated by certain casinos. Free dinners out - VIP treatment - comps - and all the while they were silently reeming me. Sure take self blame - accept responsibility. But for today i want to be angry at THEM!

When I have kicked this addiction and I WILL. Then I can and will be much more vocal in my views about the the gaming industry as a whole. In my view problem gambling is reaching epidemic proportions in the UK alone and this will get much much worse unless it is adressed. I suspect for every one of us on here they could be another 100 or another 1000 people going through hell who never find their way to a place that can assist recovery.

Thats my rant for this morning. I just needed to get it down and bleed some. I am going to use my anger today and refuse to assist in giving further profit margins to any casino this day. It would be easy this morning, I have all the excuses I need to gamble :

Depressed

Marridge almost over

House on repossion

Alone

Angry

Sure treat myself to escape a while and hit big. For today im saying no. The casinos can EFF Off! Instead with the few miserbale quid I have im going to treat myself to sunday lunch and a newspaper. Hell awaits when I return to our house as my wife will be back (maybe) with the kids. Does she know I wonder ?

Another message to myself :

When I gamble I dont sleep properly. I rarly eat the correct food.

I ignore my family.

I take my anger after loosing out on those closest to me.

I use energy to think up a huge web of lies to cover my losses.

I feel dreadful guilt.

I get angry and deposit more to hit somthing.

I cant leave a machine until it pays. I do leave when I have 0.00 left to deposit.

I blame everyone but myself.

I use any excuse to gamble.

I have a total inability to come to terms with my addiction.

I drink to much when I gamble.

I lie on a continual basis.

When I gamble Im not working.

I prefer to use any spare money to gamble as to spend on anything less such as food or kids clothes seems like a waste to me.

I am excellant at covering my tracks.

---

Try not to hate the person that you feel you are mate--try to love the person that you can become.

Change is only possible if you want to change.

Focus on a better future and follow your goal.

All the best

Stumper

ps I do not think there is a man alive who made more mistakes than me. I know I will make more in the future but I hope they will be less.

You really are a lovely person - I can tell this just by reading all of your very honest posts.

You, like all of us, have just been sucked into this evil world that we all know and really hate.

But what is really, really important is that you are here and wishing to change your life.

And you WILL!

And with your support, so will the rest of us!

November (72 days to go)

good luck mate, you can do this. we all can. keep strong

Thanks for messages all.

Up and working or trying to. Didnt gamble yesterday. Went out to meet a freind last night. Drank to much. Got a bad head today.

Im going on total detox. No more glasses of wine or beer. Need to clean out my system and try make myself fit again as I know that this quitting is gonna to take alot of energy.

Hi Blocked out hang in there mate, rooting for you.

2 cups of coffee head starting to clear. When I woke up this morning felt like hell. But I did remember that I did not gamable.

The past few weeks drinking was on the up, and then so was the gambling. Im going to try focus 1 day at a time and try not worry to much far ahead. Its a gloomy outlook. But d**n if I can kick this habbit 1 time for all then maybe things can improve. Break over back to work ->

Keep at it blocked and them days will sure add up 😉 drinking and gambling am sure you are aware of can be a helluva bad mix tho...we can do this mate odaat 🙂

Hi Blocked.

Thanks for the post mate.

I think i might take a leaf out of your book and go for a complete detox myself. I tend to find when i am eating healthier and exercising regularly i tend not to think about gambling so much.

Healthy body, healthly mind.

Stick at it Blocked.