Work output was lower than I needed it to be today. Raging hangovers are not good. Been drinking water by the litre. Spent quite a bit of time here reading other peoples stuff. Self therapy I suppose.
Feeling depressed but I know thats also the build up of over drinking especially the past week. Think tonight I will have a bath and hit the sac early. Did not gamble today. Sigh ... onwards.
Today was easy not to gamble. Had money not alot but money is around. Its still sat in the bank. No victory as i been here many times before. Sorry if i keep adding to my diary but somtimes it really helps.
Was in chat tonight - got somwhat tense - but suppose its to be expected. My hangover is slowly leaving my body. Have hardly eaten though all day. I dont feel healthy right now. Onto another day im not really counting them at the moment. Just taking it as it comes and trying to focus each day on healing myself.
Situ with my wife remains very very bad.
Hi Blocked out
I do feel for you...if your anything like me you probably dont want to hear things like that..we are the "big hard men" afterall. but there is only so much we can take. by stopping gambling things cant get any worse and can only get better.
why did we have to be inflicted with this illness..we arent bad people...we love our kids...are partners..but gambling changes us into something we dont really want to be.
You know the script mate....just wanted you to know you arent alone with support and people who geuinely care on this very forum. take care mate.
neil
They are some people here who really have moved on with their life. Have managed to overcome and to regain control. Just saw the messages from Jas, who now is so strong and HAPPY!
Then they are others like myself who is now on I would say my 5th attempt to rid myself of my addiction. It depresses me that I have failed so many times. Have not gambled and will not today. But the pressure is almost overwhelming on the debt front. And the relationship with my wife seems to be winding itself up. No matter what though I am determined to see this through. Even if I lost everything I know that gambling will not give the answer.
Hello Block, have been reading you're diary and willing you on. Think you're dealing with this quite admirably under the circumstances. You and i know that despite your present position being pretty overwhelming, it sure wont get any worse if you remain gamble free...
It is rewarding reading other diarys and seeing others regaining control and now its our turn, stay focused and determined, you know its not an easy path but non the less well within our reach. You need to fight and be honest on the personal front and fight like hell on the gambling front..... YOU/WE can do this buddy.... onwards and upwards we go..........
Work output was good this morning. Business has been brisk which is also good. But its still a vast hole I need to plug on the financial side. Not counting my days just getting through them as best I can.
Have spent alot of time reading here. And digging around the internet to learn as much as I can about this addiction. I wont gamble today I feel totally confident of that. And I refuse to think much about tomorrow. My hangover also finally left my body. True fikkin horror. My body was actually going into meltdown lol. Silence in the house between me and my wife. We dont even share the same bed anymore. Still bring it on no matter what it is. I will not gamble. Onwards Blocked.
You have been, and are going through a really difficult time, and my heart goes out to you.
I believe that your current strategy of taking each day at a time is the only way for you to be right now.
Someone with far more experience than me in recovery said to me, that even as we move further away from our last bet, we need to be looking just ahead, as we always remain the same distance from our next one. Made sense to me after i'd thought about it for a bit.
My best wishes go out to you.
Keep The Faith
Had to get out of the house today - im working from home at the moment. atmosphere very tense. Went to the local sat a while. Have worked thought alot of stuff that was on my desk. When sat in pub i remembered last week I was on a gamblers high after winning. And saw this young chap slowly feed around 70 in a fruit machine. I never play them , but was surprised by own private arrogance thinking what a fool he was.
He got more tense as the afternoon wore on. Kept asking to change notes etc and was from what I saw in the end embarressed, making small talk with the barmaid. Then he ordered a plate of chips But I know why becuase he was too embarressed to ask for more change so bought £2.50 worth of food. Rest went to the slot. He had a beer still outstanding and finally had ran out of money and was 50p short. A kindly man near him gave it to him. He offered him the rest of his chips , which were declined. It depresses me to think of such a scene. He left the bar - skint and no doubt down.
Thats me all over but its more private. Online hidden away. its not real money is it ? Sucker. Today I have not and will not gamble.
Hi Blocked
Good to see you have your determined attitude back m8.Ive just had a quick read through your last few posts and it seems things have not been going so well.Im sorry to hear this kid.
Nevertheless i know you have the determination to kick this habit and this should be the time Blocked.Stay strong m8 .you can do this .All the bestJeff.
Apologie for yet another addition to my diary. But was checking the earliest posts on the Diarys section and Found a post by ME!!!!
Posted: Mon 05 Jun 2006 22:52:38 (User blockedout)
Its horrific - that was over 4 years ago. With around 1 year in between where I was clean. Damnation ... things could have been saved back then. Im back suddenly feeling WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!!!
But keeping calm. One step at a time. I will beat this. Onwards.
Hi BlockedOut,
Thank you again for posting on my diary - I appreciate all the kind words and encouragement.
I have been reading your diary on a regular basis too. Keep posting on here BlockedOut, no matter what - tell us your thoughts, your frustrations - anything you want. It is your diary so let it all out - there are some amazing people on this site that can offer the most amazing advice to put you at ease.
I am only on day 15 myself so probably not the best person to advise but things I would advise when the going gets tough are definitely keep calm, go and lie down on your bed and stare at the ceiling, go for a walk or do what I do - write on here. Always remember - small steps - if you set yourself a big target it can put pressure on you that you could do without.
Another thing I have learnt on here is to find something to fill the void of gambling. I bought myself a bike and will be joining a gym soon too. I did try to enrol on a course as well but there wasn't enough interest so it didn't go ahead unfortunately. I have found that filling the void is the greatest help to me in my recovery.
This addiction is so evil it is hard to put into words but, it can be done! We can beat this together BlockedOut!
Keep in touch,
Micky D
The bit about a recent post that really struck home is when even as a gambler u thought the bloke putting money in a fruit machine was a fool.
He doesnt want to do it, but he is gripped like we all our/were, but thats how gambling is viewed by society.
They dont understand it and think we are losers.
Keep the fight going mate because I have proved no matter how much money u get your hands on you still lose and I was doing it from the bookies side.
Stay strong.
Smokes
Today went withou gambling. Did think about it for 10 mins when down the pub. Home life is a rite mess! Me up in the office wife downstairs. We have not spoken in days. Feel angry right now but will not gamble. That can not be a part of my options. Instead time to turn off the PC and try rest. I feel tired , worn out, and continually stressed.
Oh spent a few mins in the New Members Forum. Made me sad - I hardly ever read the posts there. Strangers coming and going. Maybe we should try do more for them ? Feels like these diarys somtimes are an exclusive club 🙁 Ok time to get my head to the bed. What a day!!!!
Hai Blocked, as you're well aware it really is a bitxh of a recovery and along rocky journey, anger is one of the many emotions we're going to encounter and its a case of carrying on moving forward and going through the cycle......... Hope things on the home front gets easier, so fingers crossed for you there!!
Agree it is sad seeing the 'new members forum' and 'supp a problem gambler' so agree in giving them a nudge towards these diarys!
Shixxxxxxxtt i hate gambling and buddy guess what, THIS time WE're going to kick it right into touch..........
Onwards and upwards...
WE CANNOT GAMBLE COZ WE CANNOT STOP.......
Up early today is the day we get paid so I am aware of what I have done in the past. Will Not be gambling today though. And did not gamble yesterday. The last few days have dragged nothing is moving fast. I have not still gambled but its their lurking. Today though im safe - dont know how but I feel it.
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