My Diary - Restarted Fri 10 Sep 2010

Hi Blocked, I've been reading your diary from the lapse and I have to say my heart goes out to you. You are really going through it. Everybody on here is giving you support and willing you to get better. Things seem really bad with your wife. Please please try and save what you have, speak to her, open up.....no matter how bad this will feel....it will help. She has not left you...there is hope. Keep your chin up fella. Russ

Hi Blocked,

From personal experience this addiction takes everthing from us, so please think about your wife.

Put the shoe on the other foot and had you worked all month only for her to gamble it.

Concentrate on her and saving your family/mariage you will need them and owe them alot.

Tell them how you feel, the grip gambling had on you and that you will be a better man.

Keep fighting matey.

Smokes

Thanks each and everyone of you for your support comments and well .. being here! I can not reply at this time. Head in another place.

I do know that A GP at this time is not what I need and will not go through that. My personaly life is complex. 1 moment in the UK another moment aborad. Cant explain but thats the way it is at the moment.

Just got off the gamcare netline. Again I spoke. I had a big urge before to gamble Online after coming back from a walk in the village. I have not given into the urge. This is day 5 for me. And hour by hour I need day 5 to flip over to day 6. Somtimes I count my addiction in minutes somtimes hours rarly days.

Cant say much else for now. But today I will NOT gamble. thanks all again. Blocked.

Had a terrible argument last night with my wife. It contined this morning. We have agreed in the most angry way possible that we will now divorce. Children were very upset. Sad day.

Hi... sorry to hear of the tough times you are going through... maybe in the long run separation is for the best. I remember my parents stayed togther for years and years "because of the children" but were miserable in the process. better a clean break than a long drawn out process. Just my view of course. All the best in finding your way forward.. S.A

BlockedOut,

I'm very sorry to hear your news.

This happens so often because of this addiction. Maybe in the future you will be able to make amends to her (although right now, that's probably the last thing on your mind).

Wishing you, your kids and your wife the best of luck.

Don't go using this as an excuse to gamble.... it will not make things better.

Brian

The circle is almost complete. My addiction really kicked in around 2 years ago. Full power gambling online multiple times per day - every day. 100s of 1000s of pounds gone. As the months went by and the debts started piling up I gambled more. My wife started to see the cracks - it went from bad to worse. The lies I told were large and complex - anything so that I could continue to feed my addiction.

I used to have bad dreams about loosing everything - would wake up in a sweat thankful it was just a dream. I should have read the warning signs back then. During all this time my relationship with my loved ones began to fall apart. Still I kept on gambling, bigger bets - more 1000s in debt. Finally you get to the point where there is no more money left. The house gets re-possessed and a marrige that was one time so happy busy full is laid in pieces on the floor.

So yes the circle is complete very much. Thank you all for your continued support.

Really heart wrenching to see what this b***rd disease can do to ordinary familes, my thoughts are with you all Blocked

Take Care

Blues

Went out for the day with my wife. We spoke alot. Have not told her about my gambling issues, but we are trying to work things through. Which gives me some hope.

Have not gambled but did have 1 lapse last week around the time it all kicked off in the house. I was very down about that. But I put it as a lapse - and I have to keep moving forward. This has been my second gambling free weekend.

BlockedOut,

my thoughts are with you. You need to tell your missus, but you know that already. It would be some feat to fix this without her finding out !! It will give her an insight into your moods/behaviour.

Best of luck,

Brian

Today was easy not to gamble my money away. Yesterday also and the day before. I fell for the trap last week with marital stress and fuelled by alcohol. Its a calm day but my body feels exsausted. Im officially on detox now. Water and fresh fruit.

Got a ray of hope about the house. They have accepted the offer of repayments "BUT" we should have paid it last wed but didnt. Not through gambling but through me and my wife being totally disjointed at the time.

I can pay it wed morning this week, going to call them 9am tomorrow and hope they are OK with that. Its been a very long tiring week. But I can say im through my second weekend without a bet. I feel good about that.

Odaat as the saying goes blocked...tomorrow is another day,start of a new week...the past is the past even last week...things can only get better mate...stay with us,you can do this 😉

Hi blocked,

Just to echo wp posts, lets fight this together mate, time wont stand still, you will get through this, you are doing great, keep it up,

Blues

Was up today early. Have lots of work to catch up on. I feel good I have no gambled if nothing else. Utterly disapointed with my slip last week but that is what it was. It be done and cant go back. Have to call the morg comp in a short while and then me and the wife are again going to sit down and open the stacks of bills that are laid on the kitchen table.

Strange but Monday morning we have some money in the bank. This is rare as normally I would have busted it all out. And we would be counting every penny. Today it feels better than a few days ago. I wont gamble today. Also I had no urges that past few days to gamble and before my slip I felt the same. Sick in my stomach at the very thought of it. Im into week 2 and will take it one day at a time. Today I wont gamble. Keep the Quit everyone no matter what!

Hi Blocked,

Glad to see you are back on the straight and narrow.

What occurred to me though, reading your recent posts, is that you obviously still have access to money in order to have a lapse. Is this really healthy for you? I don't know if Ive got the wrong end of the stick, but you seem to say that your wife doesn't know either. How on earth have you explained the massive debts? Just seems strange.

Only you can decide whether it is time to tell her or not, but if you don't fess up you are still able to hide your gambling. Won't this make it easier to keep gambling? even if its just an occasional lapse. Its like leaving a window of opportunity open.

Anyway, you seem to be doing great, but I have noticed that with an addiction people who have completely confessed all seem to STAY quit. Im no expert, but just trying to give food for thought.

Take care,

f x